Finding Home
by ArchAngel1973
Summary: Sam went missing off-world but once she's found she has to find her way home.
1. Chapter 1

**Finding Home**

 **By: ArchAngel1973**

 **Disclaimer:** Characters and plot lines that appeared in the series, movies, etc, and the concept of Stargate SG-1 are not mine. No copyright infringement intended.

 **Pairing:** Jack and Sam predominantly, but also Daniel and Janet.

 **Rating:** M to be safe.

 **Summary:** Sam went missing off-world but once she's found she has to find her way home.

 **Author's Note:** This is a story I started quite a few years ago and had never finished but I've recently started a re-watch of SG-1 and it's had me digging up a handful of old stories I wrote. When I started reading this one I had the urge to finish it so I figured if I started posting I'd have a reason to put my nose to the grindstone. I have an attachment to Daniel and Janet so they're in all of my old stories, but I'll admit to a very strong affection for Daniel and Vala… however, since these old works were written pre-Vala, they're D/J all the way!

 **Part 1**

Mornings were the worst. Even worse than the torture, the beatings, and the isolation. Morning meant she would have to move abused muscles that had been immobile for hours in a damp, cold cell.

She didn't know how long she had been there – she didn't even know where 'there' was. She hadn't seen anyone except her captors since… when? She didn't know if the team she had been with had managed to elude capture but she prayed that they had.

The aliens were a race they hadn't encountered before and she had hoped like hell that SGC troops would storm the facility and blow the creatures to hell. As more and more time passed that hope began to fade until little more than a spark remained.

She couldn't remember the last time she had heard a voice, human or otherwise. The aliens had no mouths and so she had speculated that maybe they were telepathic.

All of the aliens that she had seen so far had been identical. There were no variations in their height, color or size. They stood six feet tall even with stooped shoulders, their feet were webbed with razor-sharp talons, and they had four arms ending with hands that would have seemed human were it not for the fact that they had retractable claws. They had wings that resembled that of a bat – only much larger. Their heads were oblong in shape and their faces were grotesque. Black, almond-shaped eyes that never blinked, gill-like slits that ran up both sides of their necks, a large ridge in the center of their faces that curved around their heads and she thought might be a nose.

Even though they had no visible ears they had no tolerance for sound of any kind. She had quickly realized that the pain was turned up a notch if she so much as whimpered. They had a fondness for their version of the cattle prod; it delivered a painful shock that felt like her skin was being burned from the inside out, but it never left a mark. Most of the things they had done hadn't left marks in the physical sense. She supposed she should be grateful that their forms of experimentation hadn't involved anything of a sexual nature; their interests seemed to focus on her pain threshold more than anything else. Most of the wounds they inflicted had been repaired after they were satisfied with their test results. Broken bones and dislocations either confused them or their sadistic nature just allowed them to watch her suffering with no remorse whatsoever. She knew for sure her left shoulder was dislocated and she was pretty sure her left knee was in the same shape; it was hard to be sure with that same leg broken in two places.

Time had no meaning in this place and she never knew if it was day or night. She was kept in complete darkness unless she was taken out of the cell for another experiment. She had no idea how much time had passed since the last time the creatures had been by to check on her. They usually brought her some kind of tasteless bread and water and she couldn't remember the last time she had eaten.

She began to drift in a pain-induced haze and she wondered where Jack was and what he was doing. He had long since stopped being the colonel in her mind; being forced to retreat into herself had been the only way she could deal with the constant agony and his presence had helped her maintain her sanity.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Colonel Jack O'Neill paid no attention to the men and women who scattered as he stormed through the corridors of the SGC. People had been walking on eggshells around him for so long that he no longer noticed and he had stopped caring months ago.

Everyone in the corridor held their breath when he approached his office and the airman that was waiting for him. The man was blocking the door as he stood at attention, his eyes staring straight ahead.

"What?" Jack ground out when the man didn't move.

"Sir, the general – "

"Tell him I'll be there in fifteen minutes, Airman."

"Sir – "

"Are you still here?" He wanted to smile when the kid swallowed hard and stood his ground, but his facial muscles no longer permitted that.

"The general – "

"Do you have any idea how many ways there are to kill a man?" The swallow was audible this time. "Would you like me to give you the list? Alphabetically?"

"No sir, I really wouldn't, sir."

"Then get out of my way. Now!" he snapped.

"No sir."

"No sir?" he repeated incredulously. "Do you know who I am, Airman?"

"Yes sir."

"And you're still here?"

"General Hammond ordered me to escort you to his office as soon as you arrived, sir."

"Then stand aside while I – "

"Sir, SG-13 came back with Intel on Major Carter's location!"

The stack of folders slipped from suddenly nerveless fingers and the colonel ran back in the direction he had just come from. Inside the elevator he swiped his card and selected the level that housed the general's office.

One hundred and twenty-nine days had passed since she had been ripped away from him. Nearly four and a half months since SG-11 had stumbled through the 'gate without his second in command.

He had been in Washington, arguing with the brass over their need for more people and in his absence the rest of SG-1 had been temporarily reassigned. Sam had been on loan to one of the scientific teams, Daniel had been loaned to SG-7 to handle some translation or other, and Teal'c had been off world training a group of new recruits.

She had been declared MIA after thirty days and he had sat down at the computer in his office at home and typed up his resignation letter. It had stayed with him since that night and he had vowed that he would retire the moment she came home. He had gone to see the general at home and informed him of his intentions but he was certain the man hadn't believed him.

"Jack!"

He paused at the foot of the staircase that would take him to the briefing room and General Hammond's office and turned to glance over his shoulder. Daniel, Janet, and Teal'c hurried to catch up with him when he continued on his way.

"Jack, wait up," Daniel grumbled. "What's going on?"

"Major Griffin's team just came back…" He took a deep breath as he took the final four steps two at a time. "They've got Carter's location."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The teams converged on the structure, sweeping through the ground floor before descending to the lower levels. The stench of death hung in the air and several of the newer guys had been forced to return to the main floor after becoming violently ill. At this moment Jack had no patience or tolerance for their weakness; he didn't have the time or the inclination to cater to them.

They checked the rooms and Jack felt fear settling heavily in the pit of his stomach. The informant had been certain that even though the creatures had deserted the building that Carter had been left there. But they were making enough noise to wake the dead and he couldn't hear her voice coming from any of the cells, letting them know which one she was in.

He could hear the voices of the other team members calling out numbers as they tagged the bodies they found. The bodies showed marked evidence of torture and most appeared to have been there for a while. The smell of decay and rotting flesh became stronger the deeper they went into the structure and Jack forced his mind away from the memories it dredged up. It was a scent that once experienced, could never be forgotten. The visual images that accompanied the rancid smell were horrific and impossible to forget once they had been imprinted on the memory. He barely gave the horribly bloated and partially decomposed bodies more than a cursory glance as he passed them, his only concern the woman they were searching for.

"We've got Sgt. Cavanaugh," Major Griffin called out as he backed out of one of the cells, his face an odd shade of green.

"Griff?"

The major raised his head to meet O'Neill's questioning eyes head on. "Not a pretty sight, Jack; he's been gone a while but it looks like he put up quite a fight."

"At least his family will be able to put him to rest now." He nodded at the other man before continuing on his way. He refused to dwell on the fact that the only other person that had been taken with his second in command was dead and had been for some time.

After checking along the rest of the corridor he made his way to the stairs that would take him to the next level. The deeper they descended into the bowels of the structure the colder and damper it became. Water crept down along walls that were overgrown with whatever local plant life this world supported and the scent of the damp vegetation was strong and hung heavy and thick in the air.

Light poured from the cells although there was no light source evident. He ignored the other teams as they searched the cells that were largely unoccupied, all of his senses focused internally. He couldn't explain it but he knew she wasn't in one of the cells they were searching. He glanced into each cell as he passed them, his expression masked to hide his concern that they still hadn't located his major.

His eyes locked on a cell at the end. Unlike the others no light was present below the door and he found himself moving towards it, his long stride determined. Releasing the rather primitive catch on the door he pulled it open and stepped inside, unprepared for the sight that greeted him.

He quickly lowered the flashlight when she tried to block the light and he stepped back and yelled for the medics. The muted light from the corridor fell across the floor and allowed him to just make out her pitifully thin outline. She had buried her face in the crook of her right elbow, doing her damnedest to cover both ears without enlisting the aid of her left hand.

Kneeling on her right side, Jack carefully touched her hand and she slumped against him without a sound. She tensed when light and sound invaded the tiny room and he cupped his hand over her left ear and pressed the right side of her head against his chest as he realized what was going on. Heat was pouring off of her body, her breathing was labored, and he could feel each rattling breath she took as he held her thin body close.

Janet motioned wordlessly for the rest of the medical team to leave them alone and she stepped closer to the colonel and his second in command.

"Sir?" she questioned quietly.

"She's very reactive to light and sound," he responded just as quietly. "We're talking extreme sensitivity."

"Has she said anything?"

"She hasn't made a sound." He settled more fully on the ground cradling her to his chest. "Do whatever you've gotta do so we can move her."

"Jack…"

His head shot up at the doctor's use of his first name and he followed the beam of her flashlight, inhaling sharply when he saw Sam's left leg. The angle was anything but natural and it looked like more than one break.

"You're sure she hasn't made a sound?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Well, other than that rattle in her lungs. Why?"

Janet frowned as she glanced back at him. "Jack, she should be able to feel that; I've seen grown men beg for their mama's with a break like that. I've almost never seen a break like that not get a verbal response."

"But you've seen it, right?"

"In cases of paralysis," she said, her tone grim.

"Well, what do we have to do to get her – " The woman in his arms tensed again and her right hand gripped his arm in a painfully tight grip as her breathing became labored and harsh. "Doc, what're you doing?"

"Checking her knee; it looks – "

"Did you touch it?"

"Yes, I – "

"She felt it." Beads of sweat were forming on her forehead but her breathing was starting to calm down. He could feel tears splashing against his forearm in a rapid downpour and he brought his free hand up to brush the moisture from her face. "She feels pretty warm, Doc."

"I'd be surprised if she wasn't. I've got some antibiotics and a mild sedative she can take for now. See if you can get her to take them and maybe drink a little water too."

He unscrewed the cap off of his canteen before setting it on the ground and taking the bottles of pills from Janet.

"Jack, what're you – "

"How many?"

"Two of each."

She watched him as he switched the hands pressing Sam's head to his chest then reached down to take her hand. He placed the bottle in her palm, wrapped her fingers around it beneath his own hand and shook it a couple of times. She was surprised when Sam nodded and she felt tears spring to her own eyes when the colonel shook out two pills from each bottle and placed them in the major's shaky hand. Several tries later the pills made it into her mouth and he placed the canteen in her hand before using his own hand to steady hers as she brought the canteen to her lips.

Leaving the canteen within easy reach he focused his attention fully on Sam again. When she tensed at the doctor's probing fingers he had to bite his tongue to keep from screaming at the woman. Instead he hugged Sam just a little bit tighter and pressed a kiss to her filthy hair. "I've got you, baby, I've got you."

"O'Neill."

"Teal'c," he acknowledged without looking up. "Where's Daniel?"

"Right here, Jack," the archeologist responded from the doorway.

"Other than us and the medics, no one sees her like this."

"We'll take care of it."

"No one," he repeated.

Daniel and Teal'c slipped away quietly to ensure their CO's orders were carried out.

"Jack, I need to get my team in here so we can get her ready for transport and I want you to wait outside."

"No."

"Jack, she's gonna be in a lot of pain and I can't give her anything that will – "

"If you were me and she was Daniel, would you leave?" He accepted her silence for the concession it was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

True to his word Jack hadn't left her alone until they had taken her into surgery. Knowing she would be in there for several hours the general had decided to hold the debriefing at that time. As soon as it was over and the room had emptied leaving only his team and the general he pulled the envelope out of his pocket and held it in his fingertips.

"I told you I was resigning as soon as she came home, Sir," Jack said as he slid the worn envelope across the table. "I'd like to make it official."

"Maybe you should – "

"Give it some more thought?" He smiled tightly and shook his head. "No sir, it doesn't need more thought; my decision's final. For the past four years we've busted our asses on one mission after another and we've all paid our dues. You knew the attraction was there the moment we met because you asked me if it was gonna be a problem and I assured you it wouldn't be. After that damned Zatarc incident you asked me again and I told you we had agreed to leave it in the room. When she was taken over by that entity thing I killed her. We've both kept our word to you, Sir; we've been professional, we've kept our feelings locked away, and in the end it's just not worth it. We put our lives on the line constantly, we fight for the people of this planet, we fight for our allies, we fight so people can be free to pursue the things they want, but when is it our turn?"

"Son, if – "

"No sir. I don't know what the effects of her captivity are gonna be; I don't know if they're long-term or short-term and I don't know what kind of adjustments we're gonna have to make, but she won't be facing it alone."

"You're taking a pretty big gamble, Jack," General Hammond said quietly.

"Sir?"

"Have you and Major Carter ever discussed this?"

"No sir. But even if it were a gamble – which it isn't – it'd be worth it. I've been a soldier for twenty-odd years and I've given this country, hell, the universe, everything I have so the way I look at it it's my turn now. I want to retire and I don't want to hear that you can't allow it."

"It would seem that you've put a lot of thought into this." The general leaned forward, clasping his hands on the table as he looked at his second in command. Picking up the envelope he contemplated it a moment before tapping the thin edge against the table and standing up. "Let me make a call, Jack."

He nodded, his eyes following the older man as he went into his office and closed the door.

"Y'know," Daniel said quietly, "I've been thinking along similar lines."

"Retiring from active field duty?"

The younger man nodded. "I'm the head of the archeology department and I almost never spend any time working on the stuff we bring back…"

"Just say it, Danny," Jack prodded, easily reading between the lines. He'd seen the signs, knew it was only a matter of time before the other man asked to be removed from the frontline team. He'd still want to go off world on occasion, get his hands on the piles of rocks and temples with squiggles carved all over them, but he was ready to stand down from being constantly shot at, captured, tortured, and everything else that went with his position on SG-1.

"I have a family now and I want to be able to come home to them every night. I'd like to be able to give Cassie an actual answer when she asks me what I did at work and I'd like to be able to do my job knowing that my wife isn't worried that my life is constantly in danger, worried that maybe I won't come home from the next mission."

"I'll assume you've already filled out the appropriate paperwork, Dr. Jackson," General Hammond said as he resumed his position at the head of the table.

"It's in my office, sir."

"Turn it in and I'll see that it's approved." Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly he looked at the colonel. "The president agreed to your resignation, but he wanted me to ask you to consider something."

"Sir?"

"He wants you to consider the possibility of staying in the capacity of an off world training instructor. He's not asking for an answer right now; he wants you to take whatever time you feel is necessary to make the decision." He paused. "Just think about it, Jack."

"Fair enough, sir."

He turned his attention to the Jaffa seated on his right. "Teal'c, I know you've said that if SG-1 was no longer together you'd prefer to return to Chulak, but you do have the option of joining another team."

The big man tilted his head, one eyebrow arched. "I will consider your offer."

"General?" Walter Davis waited until the general motioned for him to continue. "Sir, Dr. Frasier – "

"Send her in."

"Yes sir."

"How's Carter?" Jack asked before the woman had even made it into the room fully.

Janet sat down at the table before responding. "We're – "

"No mumbo-jumbo tech talk, Doc."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Her injuries are extensive, but not as extensive as we first thought. We were able to set her leg but the bones had to be put back together – "

"Metal plates?"

"Yes and the condition her knee was in complicated things slightly. There were some torn ligaments and we were able to repair them but she's gonna be in traction for several weeks. The wounds on her left arm were treated for infection and they're going to need to be watched closely for further infection. There is evidence of muscle damage and there is the possibility of nerve damage, but we'll know more about that in a few days. She's going to need physical therapy for her arm and leg when they've healed and her left side will be nearly useless until then. Depending on how things go, she may be able to get up with the aid of a pair of crutches a few weeks after she's out of traction. Even if she's able to get up on crutches it would only be for short amounts of time; she'll probably be in a wheelchair for the first few weeks."

"She'll be able to go home then, right?"

"That'll depend on several things, but it's possible; provided she has someone staying with her of course."

That wasn't going to be a problem.

"She also has a very bad case of pneumonia that we'll be monitoring closely."

"What about the sensitivity to light and sound?"

"She'll need to be re-introduced to both gradually to avoid as much stress as possible. I am a little concerned about her complete lack of verbal – "

"What'd you find?"

"We couldn't find anything wrong with her vocal cords. No trauma whatsoever. We did a thorough examination and couldn't find any reason for her silence. Dr. Warner will be contacting a specialist with clearance who can take a look at her and maybe they'll be able to give us some answers."

"Can I see her?"

"She's in recovery right now; you can see her when she's moved to one of the private rooms. In the meantime you should go take a shower and change, colonel." She hid a smile at his look of confusion. "You're the only one who hasn't made it to the infirmary for your post-mission exam."

"Better enjoy it, Doc," he said with a grin. "It's your last chance to stick a needle in my ass."

Her eyebrows rose in question.

"I just retired."

"Congratulations." She didn't need an explanation, fully aware that the reason for his decision was currently in her infirmary.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sitting on the bench in front of his locker Jack stared at the shoe in his hand for several minutes before tugging it on and tying the laces. The hiking boots were comfortable but it was odd to be on base in anything but fatigues and combat boots. He looked down at himself, taking in the jeans and the short-sleeved shirt that hung open over his white tee shirt.

He was glad he had decided to get his post-mission checkup out of the way first, he thought as he glanced at his watch. He had another half hour before Janet would let him in to see Sam so he decided to just head that way and see if he could pester her until she changed her mind.

He was almost at the elevators when the klaxons went off and the sergeant's voice came over the intercom announcing an off world activation. He was about to push the button that would take him to the level where the Stargate was housed but the next words that came over the intercom sent him to his original destination at a dead run.

" _Dr. Frasier to Recovery Room One! Dr. Frasier to Recovery Room One!"_

The recovery room was in a chaotic uproar when he ran through the door. The bright overhead lighting and the blaring klaxons had to be pure torture for the woman who was struggling against the nurses who were trying unsuccessfully to keep her immobilized.

"Get that sedative in her line!"

Jack hit the light switch and the room was plunged into darkness momentarily until the small night-lights kicked on. Hitting another switch on the wall the room fell into silence as the klaxons were immediately silenced. Moving across the room, he grabbed both nurses and dragged them to the door, shoving them outside and quietly shutting the door.

The only sound in the room was her harsh breathing as he crossed to her right side and cautiously reached out to touch her. Settling on the bed beside her he eased them into their earlier positions, cradling her against his chest. Her muscles were tensed and she wasn't showing any signs of relaxing any time soon.

"Jack?"

He stared at her for several seconds before he realized she hadn't spoken. Raising his head he could just make Janet's form out in the dim light.

"Hey, Janet. For a second there I thought… Never mind. She's in pain."

"How bad is it?"

With the hand that wasn't cradling Sam's head against his chest he reached for her right hand and pressed it open. Using his forefinger he traced the letters P-A-I-N followed by the numbers 1-10. It took three times before her groggy mind caught up and she answered using the same method.

"On a scale of one to ten, she says it's a twelve."

Janet nodded. "Well, that's to be expected," she said as she injected something into the IV port. "That should kick in after a few minutes and she'll sleep for a while. Once she's asleep we'll move her into a private room and hopefully avoid any further trauma."

"Yeah, what the hell was that? I got here and two nurses were yelling over her, the damned lights were blinding her, and the alarms hadn't been silenced in here."

"It's been taken care of."

Her tone told him everything he needed to know; she had handled the matter and the mistakes would not be repeated.

His gaze was drawn to his hand where Sam was lazily dragging her fingers across his palm. He knew whatever cocktail Janet had injected into the IV was beginning to work; the tension was easing from Sam's body and she was getting heavier as her muscles relaxed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

Jack leaned forward in his chair, elbows on his knees and his chin propped on his linked fingers as he gazed steadily at the woman sleeping in front of him. Janet had steadfastly refused to allow Sam to be moved from the hospital bed, insisting that until she was satisfied that Sam was more aware of her surroundings she would remain confined between the safety rails that rose up on either side of the bed. He had argued with her when she had first made the announcement, upset that after the past four and a half months she would still be confined in any capacity, but he had understood the reasoning behind her decision when Sam had awakened and immediately started to fight against the IV.

Panic had set in when she had tried to move and it had quickly escalated into full-fledged terror when her immobilized left side had kept her from moving. His first instinct had been to try to calm her down but his attempt at keeping her still had been met with agitated resistance and he had been hesitant about using brute strength to hold her in place after her captivity. Without thinking he had also tried speaking to her and that had stopped the thrashing but in exchange her expression had changed to one of pure agony and she had done everything she could to cover her ears to block out the sounds.

She had calmed down considerably when she had glanced around and her eyes had settled on him. Recognition had flared in the depths of her blue eyes and she had readily accepted the hand he held out to her. He had laid beside her for hours afterwards, his hands gentle as he eased her back into sleep. He was concerned about her continued silence, worried at first that she had been sexually abused but Janet had been able to put his mind at ease and close the door on those fears. Now his fears were taking him down other roads and he wished that he could erase the past four and a half months… wished that he had just resigned years ago and married her then. If he had maybe she wouldn't have been on that planet and this wouldn't have happened at all.

Janet had come in and kicked him out of the bed a couple of hours earlier so they could run more tests and change her bandages. The doctor had been positive that the surgery had gone well and he had learned over the years to take her at her word. Watching Sam now, even with the doctor's reassurances, he was afraid to turn away for fear that she might disappear.

"Didn't Janet tell you to get some sleep?"

He turned his head at the softly spoken words. Daniel was leaning against the wall beside the door, his arms folded across his chest as he waited for a response.

"I will," he said, turning his attention to the woman in the bed once more. "Just… just not yet."

The archeologist nodded, unwilling to badger Jack about sleep at that moment. "Has she woken up again?" He had been in the room when she had awakened earlier and had seen her reaction. He hadn't been surprised when her first instinct had been to fight but her lack of vocalization was worrisome.

"No, whatever Janet gave her was stronger than the stuff they gave her earlier." He sighed roughly. "She's sleeping but she's not getting any rest." He shook his head. "Even sedated she's on edge."

"Have you tried talking to her?"

"I've talked to her, but they've got cotton in her ears to block the worst of the sounds out for now, so it's not like she can really hear me."

"Try holding her hand against your chest when you're talking. She'll be able to feel the vibrations," he explained at Jack's puzzled expression. "You're the only one she's allowed into her space without a fight, Jack. From the moment that we found her she's accepted your presence when she's either fought or pushed everyone else away."

Daniel glanced at the door when it opened, flashing a warm smile at his wife when she entered the room.

"I thought I might find you here," she said, returning his smile with one of her own as she passed him. She picked up Sam's chart, her practiced gaze scanning over the pertinent information and committing it to memory.

"You don't look like you're sleeping, Jack," she commented softly.

"I will… just… just not yet."

His tone immediately reminded her of the time Sam had been taken over by the entity and he had been forced to shoot her twice with a zat, effectively killing her. For a man who had been involved with Special Ops and had admitted to doing 'some damn distasteful things' while in the service of his country, his eyes were surprisingly expressive.

She could remember thinking the same thing as she had stood beside him and agreed to 'give it a few more minutes' before taking Sam off of life support. It was only due to Daniel's discovery that Sam's consciousness had been downloaded into the entity's 'nest' that she was alive today.

At the time she had wondered how long he would last once Sam was taken off of life support. She could easily read the conflicting emotions that were visible in his dark eyes; guilt, sorrow, fear, anger, self-hatred, hope, love, and regret.

Daniel had been the one to convince him to give life a second chance but Samantha Carter had been the one to show him that his heart deserved a second chance as well. She had watched them dance around their feelings for each other for four years, feeling guilty at times because the regs didn't prevent her from having a relationship with Daniel.

"Who's gonna be on duty tonight?" Jack asked, drawing her attention back to the present.

"Lt. Crowder is – "

"I don't know her."

"She's been here for nine months, Jack."

"I don't care; I don't know her. I want someone who's dealt with my team."

"Jack, she wouldn't be in charge of my infirmary if I didn't think she could handle it."

"I… don't… know… her," he repeated through clenched teeth. "I want someone I know."

Janet finished taking Sam's vitals and made the necessary notations on the chart before putting it back in its place and looking at the man on the opposite side of the bed.

"Jack, there are only a small handful of people on duty in the infirmary at night and none of them have ever really dealt with your team."

"Then call someone in." He snapped his fingers and leaned forward in his chair. "Call in what's-her-name, the small one that's real quiet."

"If I call Capt. Vaughn in will you promise to eat something and get some sleep?"

Daniel remained silent but his eyebrows shot up at her sudden capitulation. He had been watching the battle of wills being waged between his wife and his best friend in silent amusement, confident that Janet would come out victorious once again.

"If you can get her here, then, yes, I'll do exactly that."

"I'll go call her now."

"You takin' notes over there, Danny?" Jack asked after she had left the room.

"What?"

"Notes… are you takin' notes on how to handle that woman?"

Daniel chuckled and reached out to place his hand on the doorknob. "I know exactly how to handle that woman, Jack, so don't worry about me." It was the first time the other man had even made an attempt at a joke since the day Sam had gone missing. "We're going home as soon as she's finished with you so try not to keep her too long." Standing in the now-open doorway he glanced at Jack. "Call if you need anything, Jack; even if you just need someone to talk to." He closed the door after receiving a brief nod in response and made his way down to the infirmary.

He could hear Janet talking with someone as he neared her office so he hopped up to sit on one of the beds while he waited for her. His ears perked up as the women left the office and headed in his direction.

"He's assuming you've already gone home for the day so wait at least forty-five minutes before you check in on them," Janet was saying.

"I don't understand why he asked for me specifically."

"Because he's watched you work on the members of his team and he liked what he saw; he trusts you."

"I didn't think he even knew I had a name."

"That's actually a back-handed compliment, Jack O'Neill style. If he goes around pretending that he can't remember your name you've got his respect and he'll listen to you. I went through the same thing with him and before long I went from being the 'short one with the attitude' to 'Napoleonic power monger'." She smiled. "I'm not sure how much of an improvement that was but eventually I realized that it wasn't that he didn't know my name, the horrible nicknames are just his way of singling out the ones he feels he can trust. Believe me, any day now he's gonna bless you with some horrible nickname and you're probably gonna cringe every time he shouts it across the room. And when he does, just remember that it's a small price to pay for his trust." She nodded at Daniel who had stood as they had approached him. "Take this man right here, for example…"

"Janet," he growled in warning.

She just grinned at him and slid an arm around his waist. "Jack's nickname for him is Space Monkey," she said, patting his chest.

Capt. Vaughn bit back a laugh at the pained expression on the archeologist's face. "It's all right, Dr. Jackson; it's not the first time I've heard it."

"Just call me Daniel, and while it's probably not the worst thing he could've come up with, having it announced in the 'gate room surrounded by half the Marines on base…" He shook his head. "I still haven't lived that one down."

"I'll stop by and let the colonel know you'll be here in about half an hour or so. Oh, and he promised me that if you came in he'd eat something and get some sleep, so make sure he does both."

"No problem."

"Good." Janet tugged on Daniel's hand to get him moving. "I'll see you in the morning, Kim, but if you need anything tonight just give me a call."

After sending Daniel to get his things together Janet went to inform the colonel that his demand had been met.

"So, she's on her way in?"

"I would imagine you'll be seeing her in half an hour or so and just for the record, she knows about our agreement so when I get here in the morning I'd better hear that you held up your end of it." She glanced at her watch.

"Got a hot date tonight?" he teased.

"Only if you think slaving over a hot stove qualifies as a hot date. It's Thursday night," she reminded him. "Cassie's study group meets tonight."

"How's that working out?"

"They're all doing well in school and considering their grades were dangerously close to failing a few months ago that's pretty impressive."

The study group had been formed in an effort to help Cassie and her two best friends who were all facing the prospect of failing their English class. Daniel had taken over the den, armed with a large dry-erase board, markers, reference books, and a copy of the English textbook that he'd gotten from the school. Over time the stack of textbooks had grown to include Science, Biology, History, Algebra, and Psychology.

"How many kids have you got on Thursday nights now?"

"Seven… Cassie, her two best friends, all three boyfriends, and one loner to round it out. Do you have any idea how much four teenage boys eat?" She shook her head and smiled. "I guess I can't complain though, right? I mean, all I have to do is feed them; Daniel gets to spend several hours with his students."

"I don't know, Janet; I think he's probably having more fun than you are. Y'know how he gets when he has a captive audience."

"True, but the kids aren't coming over because they have to." She sighed wistfully. "You should see him when he's with them, Jack; he's in his element when he's teaching. The way the kids respond to him is just amazing; their parents have even made it a point to call or come by just to thank him for what he's doing. Well, with the exception of Vince; no one's come by on his behalf."

"He must be the loner you were talking about," Jack said, slouching down in his chair and appearing as close to relaxed as she had seen him in months.

"Um-hmm. He doesn't need tutoring the way the rest of them do; Daniel thinks he's borderline genius."

"Then why's he coming around?"

"Cassie has a habit of bringing strays home and for whatever reason she seems to think that he's in need of being taken care of so she's taken him under her wing. He lives with an uncle… don't know the whole story behind that, but while the rest of the kids readily share stories from home he's very slow to offer anything personal. I like to think that I'm a non-judgmental person but when I first met him I wasn't sure it was safe to let him in the house."

"Kinda scary, huh?"

"He's nearly six feet tall, built like a linebacker, and he's got an unbelievable amount of metal in his face."

"Metal?"

"Earrings, nose ring, a ring in his eyebrow, one in his bottom lip, and I suspect that he may also have one in his tongue."

Jack wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Why does anyone do that to themselves on purpose?"

"My guess would be to get attention. He's barely fifteen years old, Jack; I can't imagine any other reason for him to be sporting that much hardware. He's well-mannered, quiet, and intelligent and his appearance is completely at odds with his demeanor."

"Never judge a book by its cover, huh?" he asked with a small smile. "So, what's on the menu for tonight?"

"Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy, vegetables, rolls, salad, and double fudge cake with vanilla ice cream for dessert."

"You expect me to eat the food from the commissary after reading off that list?"

Janet smiled, knowing what he was waiting for. "I'll bring you a plate in tomorrow and you won't have to eat commissary food for lunch. How's that sound?"

"Well, all right," he muttered grudgingly, "I guess it'll have to do."

"Make sure you remember your promise, Jack," Janet said as she reached out to rest her hand on his shoulder. "Get some rest."

He nodded, unconsciously leaning into the small contact. "She's gonna be okay, right, Janet? I mean, I know we're gonna have some serious hurdles to jump and it's gonna take time, but she's gonna be all right… right?"

"In time, yes. She may have some limitations but it won't be anything that can't be dealt with."

"It doesn't matter as long as she's here and she's alive…" he whispered as his thumb stroked gently over the back of the pale hand he held so carefully. "We can work through everything else as it comes." He glanced up at the woman standing behind him. "You should probably get going before Daniel's late to his own class."

Janet gave his shoulder a final pat and leaned forward to press a kiss to his bent head. "Make sure you call us if you need anything, Jack."

He nodded but remained silent as she took her leave and complete silence fell over the room once again. He was so tired but as irrational as it was he was afraid to go to sleep for fear that the past twelve hours would fade from existence and he would wake up to find out that this was just another dream-turned-nightmare. He had lost count of the number of times he had dreamed that they had found her only to awaken to a reality where she was missing and his world was as dark as it had been after losing his only son. The ice that had surrounded his heart had started to melt the day she had walked into the briefing room and challenged him to an arm wrestling match and she had continued to chip away at his walls bit by bit until nothing remained of them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4**

Jack raised his head a while later when her fingers twitched and a moment later she started to shift around restlessly. Her face contorted into an expression of agony but she stayed silent even when she managed to lift her left arm and it banged against the bed rail. Judging by the amount of blood seeping through the white bandages he was sure she had torn the recently stitched wounds open.

He was leaning over the bed, attempting to still her thrashing movements while reaching to press the call button when the door opened and a moment later Capt. Vaughn had joined him, standing on the opposite side of the bed. He had barely acknowledged her presence when Sam's eyes shot open, the dark blue orbs filled with terror, confusion, and a lack of recognition of her surroundings.

Praying that Daniel's idea would work, Jack lifted her uninjured hand and pressed it to his chest. "C'mon, Sam, you've gotta calm down and let the doc take a look at you, baby."

Her struggling ceased at the gentle rumble she could feel resonating through his chest and transmitting itself to the back of her hand. Her head turned slowly, her eyes locked on the concerned gaze of one Jack O'Neill and she immediately relaxed against the mattress. She couldn't hear what he was saying but she could feel him talking and the simple contact calmed her in a way that nothing else would.

"Colonel, maybe you could help me out here…" Kim let the sentence dangle until a pair of intense brown eyes zeroed in on her. "She seems to be much calmer when she knows you're here and she needs to remain calm while I repair these torn stitches."

Jack nodded dumbly, unsure where she was going with her line of thinking.

"Maybe you could sit with her and keep her quiet while I take care of her." She was careful to keep her eyes averted so she wouldn't give herself away. Like nearly everyone on base she was aware of their feelings for each other and she had spent plenty of time observing the colonel and the major, wondering how they found the strength to deny what was so obvious between them. News that Major Carter had been found had spread throughout the SGC like wildfire and so had the news that Colonel O'Neill had submitted his resignation letter to the general.

Major Carter leaned against her colonel, pressing the side of her face against his chest as he stretched out alongside her.

"How bad is it?" he asked quietly, continuing before she could answer. "She's tired of being sedated; she doesn't wanna sleep anymore right now."

Kim raised her head just enough to glance at them, noting that the major was telling the colonel what she wanted the only way she could – using a combination of Morse Code and spelling words out with her fingertips.

"Let her know I'm gonna use a local anesthetic."

Jack's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You're not gonna argue with me?"

"Don't really see the point, Colonel," she answered as she moved to the phone mounted on the wall across the room. When the nurse in the infirmary picked up she rattled off the list of things she needed to repair the torn stitches and hung up. "I'd imagine she'll be asleep before long anyway and as long as the sedatives aren't necessary we won't use them. We all understand how important it is for her to feel like she's in control right now, Colonel, and whether you believe it or not we're doing everything we can to ensure that she has as much as we can safely give her."

"Thank you," he whispered.

"I'm gonna have to use a light while I'm working on her arm so we'll need to shield her eyes."

"I'll handle it."

Half an hour later the new stitches were in and the major's arm was swathed in fresh bandages. Kim looked up, smiling at the scene that greeted her. Both officers were sound asleep, wrapped around each other as much as the major's injuries would allow. Shaking out one of the thin infirmary blankets, Kim spread it out over them before gathering her things and leaving them alone.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Janet dried her hands on a dishtowel and looked around the clean kitchen is satisfaction. It always seemed to take forever to finish the dishes after feeding Cassie's study group. It took an inordinate amount of food to feed seven teenagers, especially when four of them were boys. She hung the towel over the rail on the oven door and made her way to the den, knowing that Daniel would be wrapping things up for the night. She settled into the armchair beside the window, observing their interaction with each other.

Glancing at the white board beside her husband she could see that they had remained on topic after breaking for dinner. This week they had spent the first hour or so working on a problem Cassie and her friend Dana were having in Algebra before moving on to a problem Scott was having in Science. Right before dinner they had started on History because the entire group seemed to be lacking in any enthusiasm whatsoever for the subject. She hid a smile when Cassie's boyfriend decided to express his opinion on their current topic.

"I still don't understand why we have to learn about Japan," Gary complained. "I mean, okay, the samurai are pretty cool but other than that, what's the point?"

"There's a lot you can learn from Japanese culture," Daniel said, his tone patient. "You think the samurai warriors are cool, but what do you know about them?"

"They carried swords and nobody fuc-" He blushed when Cassie's step-dad raised an eyebrow. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Anyway, nobody messed with them."

"I think we're gonna have to take another field trip."

"That means you're gonna make us work," Randy complained, but he grinned and spoiled the effect.

"That's right," Daniel agreed. "But, you've got three weeks to get the money together."

"Where're we going this time?"

"There's a Japanese exhibit that's gonna be in Denver for the next month and since it coincides with what we're covering in your History class I think we should check it out. If you guys are interested I'll contact your parents and make all the arrangements."

"Guess you've already got a list of people who are willing to pay us for some back-breaking labor too, huh?" Scott asked as he attempted to stifle a yawn.

"Of course he does," Kelly said, rolling her eyes as she jabbed her elbow into her boyfriend's ribs. "If we had to wait for you guys to go out and actually find a paying job we'd never make it to these things."

"Hey, Cassie has to pay her way too, right?" Randy asked. "I mean, she doesn't get outta the working part of this deal just because you're her dad now, right?"

"Can I kill your boyfriend?" Cassie asked Dana in a stage whisper.

"Well…" Dana paused thoughtfully. "Don't kill him, but you can hurt him a little if it'll make you feel better."

"All right, all right, no hurting, maiming, or killing, you guys," Daniel interrupted as he stood up and closed the textbook that had been balanced on his thigh. "If Cass wants to go to Denver, then yes, she'll have to earn the money just like the rest of you. If you decide you wanna go I'll see if your parents will agree to an overnight trip – "

"Two days in a museum?" Gary asked, sounding strangled.

"No," Daniel said dryly. "We'll drive down Saturday morning and spend the afternoon at the museum, have dinner, and head back to the hotel – all of which you will pay for. On Sunday we'll hit the new water park they just opened and I'll cover the cost for that."

Janet shook her head and smiled at the antics of the teenagers as they reacted to her husband's announcement. Her eyes were drawn to the quiet young man sitting in the corner. He smiled briefly and nodded at something Cassie said when she grabbed his hands and tried to tug him to his feet. She gave up after several tries and rejoined the rest of her friends. Left alone once more he started to collect his textbooks, notebooks, and pens, placing the items carefully in his backpack.

She frowned when he rubbed his left ear and his eyes closed for a moment as pain washed over his features.

"All right, people, let's move it; get home before your parents start calling me wanting to know why you're not home yet."

"And call to let us know you got home safely," Janet added. "Vince, can you help me with something in the kitchen before you go?"

He nodded and followed her out of the room.

"Is your ear bothering you?"

He shrugged. "A little, but my uncle said it would go away eventually."

"How long has it been hurting?"

He shrugged again. "Couple weeks." He shifted uncomfortably and played with the strap on his backpack.

"And you haven't been to see a doctor about it?"

"My uncle said it's not necessary."

"You should really have it looked at, sweetie; if it's serious and you don't have it taken care of you could end up with permanent damage."

Vince hooked a thumb over his shoulder. "I should really get going; my uncle's gonna get real mad if I'm late." He paused by the entry to the kitchen. "You guys don't need to call him about the trip to Denver either, Mrs. Jackson. He smiled faintly but it was tinged with sadness. "He doesn't see the need for trips like that, so don't waste your time, okay?"

"Vince, you have our number so if you change your mind about going to see a doctor I could give you the names of a couple of really good ones. Or if you ever just need someone to talk to…"

His smile, when it appeared this time, was genuine. "I hope Cass knows how lucky she is to have you guys for parents."

Janet was still staring at the empty spot where Vince had been standing when her husband walked in to let her know the kids were on their way home.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey, Doc," Jack called softly as he knocked on the doorframe of the doctor's office.

"C'mon in, Jack," she said with a small wave in his general direction. She finished the entry she was in the middle of and saved it before leaning back in her chair and looking at him. "Have a seat."

He dropped down into the chair and immediately slumped down, stretching his long legs out in the process and linking his fingers together over his stomach. "How'd things go with the study group last night?"

"Good. How'd things go with Sam last night?" she countered.

He looked at her and smiled. He had been sound asleep when she had come on duty that morning. "I'm sure your spies told you how things went last night."

"They did. Now I want your version."

"It went okay… I think. She did manage to open up the stitches in her arm when she woke up and started fighting but all in all I think it went okay. Daniel told me to try holding her hand against my chest when I'm talking so I did and she calmed down a bit faster than she did before. She went to sleep without any type of medication and she did sleep through the night."

"That's good." She waited, knowing there was something he wanted to say.

"Is there any way to know how long it'll be before she can go home?"

"It's gonna be a couple of weeks at the very least, Jack; she has to be able to deal with exposure to light and sound and I'd like for her to be able to get around on crutches for short periods of time. Not to mention she's also fighting off pneumonia so it's gonna take time; you have to be patient."

"When's the specialist supposed to be here?"

"He'll be here tomorrow afternoon."

"I wanna be there when he examines her."

She nodded. "I think that would probably be for the best; she seems to be considerably calmer when you're around and when she gets upset she responds better to you than anyone else."

"When's she gonna be able to eat solid food again?"

"That's up to her; she hasn't shown any interest in food as of yet, but when she does it's gonna take time before she can eat like she used to. She's lost quite a bit of weight and her body will need time to adjust to solid food again."

"We're off the record, right, Doc?"

"Of course."

Jack nodded and rubbed his forehead roughly. "Okay, well, you know that I've been through something similar… y'know, with my time in that Iraqi prison and all…" He cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably. "So, I mean, I'm kinda familiar with this stuff and I just want you to know that I'll do whatever you think we need to do to help her get back on track."

"I know." She waited again, knowing he wasn't finished. She was familiar with Jack's past medical history and the difficulty he had dealing with it in the present.

"When I came back I had trouble separating reality from fantasy." He stood and started to pace around the small office. "The only way I managed to survive with any of my sanity intact was by completely withdrawing into my mind and when I got home it took time before I could differentiate between the two. I think Sam's going through the same thing, Janet."

She nodded in agreement. "After watching the way she's responded to everyone including you I'd have to agree with that assessment."

Jack paused in his pacing and leaned against the wall beside the closed door. "The longer she's here in the mountain – "

"Jack, I can't release her yet."

He sighed deeply. "I know… I just hate seeing her confined to the infirmary after everything she's been through."

"It won't be for very long."

He nodded and pushed himself to his feet. "I'd better get back before she wakes up and panics because she's alone." He paused at the door. "Thanks, Doc."


	5. Chapter 5

**Part 5**

The days were passing slowly and while Sam was healing physically she continued to have trouble distinguishing between reality and fantasy. There were moments when she was completely lucid but they weren't as frequent as the doctors had been hoping for. It had been two weeks since they had returned with the officer and Janet had become increasingly concerned that her attachment to the colonel was preventing her from making the progress they had expected. Since coming back the colonel had steadfastly refused to be sent home for any length of time and she knew the lack of rest and time away from the mountain was beginning to affect him as well.

She had taken her concerns up with the general, which had resulted in the meeting she now found herself in. She was sitting across from a very angry Jack O'Neill while they waited for General Hammond to join them. His fingers were drumming on the polished tabletop, the staccato rhythm grating on her nerves. The sound stopped abruptly and he stood up quickly when the man they had been waiting on entered the room.

"Sir, you have to disregard whatever she's told you," he began immediately.

"Sit down, son," the general said, waving him back into his seat as he took his place at the head of the conference table. He folded his hands together in front of him and looked at each of them in turn. "Doctor, why don't we start with why you're here?"

"Sir, the colonel needs a break from the mountain. Major Carter has been back for two weeks and in that time he hasn't left the base once. I'm concerned that she's becoming too dependent on him and it's hindering her recovery. She needs to be able to – "

"You can't just keep us from seeing each other, Janet!" Jack interrupted. "You have no right and you don't have the authority to – "

"Jack, I want you to be quiet until she's finished."

"Yes sir."

"As Major Carter's doctor she has every right to pull rank on this one, son. I happen to agree with her; I think you need to get away from the mountain for a while. Go home, do whatever you do when you aren't here, catch up with your mail, have a meal that isn't prepared in the commissary, and we will see you back here tomorrow morning."

"What?!" He shook his head. "No sir, I'm not leaving her alone overnight; she's not ready for that."

"Jack, I will have you removed by force if you refuse to cooperate." The general sighed heavily. "It's for your own good as well as hers, son." He paused, taking in the defiant set of the man's shoulders. "Don't you have a study group or something at home tonight, Doctor?"

"Yes sir," Janet answered, puzzled.

"You'll have kids underfoot, you'll be cooking a big meal, and Daniel will be going on and on about some subject or other…"

"Yes sir."

"And you'll have plenty of room for one more, won't you?"

"I'm sure we…" She trailed off and glanced up just in time to meet Jack's surprised gaze. "Sir, I don't think – "

"I'm perfectly capable of – "

"Quiet down, people. Doctor, you want him off of this base and I have every reason to believe that he'll either try to sneak back on base or he'll just sit in his house and wait until he's allowed to come back. So, in an effort to meet your request that he leave the base and ensure that he get some rest, I'm turning him over to you for the evening." The general smiled and stood up. "Dismissed, people, and have a good evening."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

" _I am not calling the infirmary, Jack."_

" _Just a quick call, Janet."_

Daniel set the textbook and marker aside when he heard the raised voices in the front hall. He tapped one knuckle against the dry-erase board to get the kids' attention.

"You guys work on this problem and I'll be right back." He held a hand up when Cassie started to stand up. "Work on the problem," he repeated.

Daniel followed the voices into the kitchen, pausing in the doorway to listen to the disagreement in an effort to pinpoint the problem.

"She's not ready – "

"You needed some time away from – "

"This isn't about me!"

"Hey, hey, hey, what's going on here?"

"Why don't you ask your wife," Jack snapped.

 _Oh boy._ Daniel sighed at the murderous expression on his wife's face. _Jack wasn't going to survive the night at this rate._ "Okay, well, why don't you come hang out with me and the kids, Jack?" He tugged the older man to the door and pushed him out of the room.

He waited until he could hear the noise caused by the incessant chattering of teenaged girls before he focused his attention on Janet. "How did you manage to bring Colonel Grumpy home with you?"

"It's the general's fault."

"The plan didn't go quite the way you had anticipated, huh?" he asked. He knew from their conversations the night before that she had decided that Jack needed some time away from the base and he had warned her she was going to have a fight on her hands.

"Well, I hadn't anticipated the general's mean streak," she complained, burying her face against his chest when his arms came around her and he pulled her up against his body.

"Leave him to me, honey. After a couple of hours with people in his own mental age bracket he'll be in a better mood." He smiled when she chuckled and slapped his chest.

"You're terrible."

"Hey, you're not exactly countering my statement." He nodded at the doorway. "I should get back in there."

"I'm gonna take a quick shower before I get started on dinner."

"Hey!" Jack yelled, interrupting them. "Why don't you two stop making out so we can get to work!"

Raucous laughter followed on the heels of his comment and Daniel rolled his eyes. "See? He's definitely in his own age bracket now."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After dinner was eaten and the dishes had been finished Janet settled into her chair in the den. They were still working on history and Japanese culture and Jack had taken over the board as he explained battlefield strategy.

"But that strategy couldn't have worked."

Janet exchanged a look of surprise with Daniel when Vince spoke up.

"You're right; it didn't work." Jack tossed a red marker to the boy. "But, do you know why it didn't work?"

She was certain her jaw was on the floor when he not only joined Jack at the board, but he also explained the reasons why specific tactics had failed as he crossed out the mistakes that had cost the military that particular battle.

"Have you considered joining the military when you get outta school?" Jack asked, visibly impressed by the boy's grasp of tactical strategy.

"Oh, uh, no… no, I'm supposed to work for my uncle."

Jack controlled the urge to follow his normal pattern and demand to know how the kid could throw away the possibility of a career with the military – Air Force, of course. He had seen the flash of yearning in the dark eyes that were quickly averted and he hadn't imagined the defeated tone in his voice.

"Well, that's cool too," he said as he turned to erase the lesson from the board.

"Not as cool as flying though."

The whispered words were nearly missed when the phone rang at the same time and Jack glanced over his shoulder to watch Vince walk back to the chair he had been attached to all evening.

"You know an awful lot about the wars in Japan," Gary said as he stood and stretched. "Did you learn all that in the Air Force?"

"It's a hobby." Jack shrugged, his eyes moving to Janet where she was talking on the phone.

"All right, you guys…" Daniel clapped his hands to get their attention. "It's about time we call it a night, but before you go: how're you doing with your jobs?"

Jack sat back and listened to them as they gave their own version of reports to the man who had made it his goal to make sure they all passed and actually retained the things they were taught. While they all grumbled and griped about the different jobs they were doing he could tell that it was mostly for show and that they were excited about the upcoming weekend in Denver. Without being obvious about it he watched Vince pack his book bag and pointedly ignore the conversation going on around him.

"You haven't forgotten about this weekend have you, Dr. J?"

The question caught Jack's attention and he glanced over at… what was her name… Dana. The kids had gathered in a little group by the entrance and the girls were looking at Daniel expectantly.

"This weekend?" the archeologist asked, his expression blank.

"You're kidding, right?"

The girl looked at Cassie for confirmation and after an elbow to the ribs she spoke up. "The get-together at the country club, Dad. Dana's parents are throwing it and we were invited… you and Mom said we were gonna go. Remember?"

"We haven't forgotten," he assured them with a teasing smile.

Jack slouched down on the couch with a bottle of beer after the kids had left to go home. His gaze settled on Janet once more when she made an irritated gesture with her left hand even though the person on the other end of the phone didn't have a prayer of seeing it. Movement drew his eyes away from her and he watched Daniel move around the room straightening it up; putting away his supplies, and shelving the books he had used that evening.

"What do you know about Vince?" he asked when the younger man was finished.

Daniel dropped down on the other end of the couch and pushed his glasses up to rub his eyes. "I know enough to know that his mind's gonna be wasted if his uncle succeeds in making him follow in his footsteps."

"What does his uncle do?"

"He owns a chain of hardware stores around the country. I know you have to be smart to run your own business but this kid could do amazing things, Jack." He shook his head. "His intelligence is above-average – "

"He wants to fly," Jack interrupted, his gaze once again on the doctor.

"The call doesn't have anything to do with Sam."

"How do you know?"

"Because while you were watching Vince I was listening to my wife's conversation."

"Have you met the uncle?"

"Yeah, didn't much care for him. He thinks stuff like the study group and going to museums is a waste of time. I went over to meet him, see if I could change his mind about the trip next weekend, and I couldn't get anywhere with him. I left when he threatened to keep Vince from coming over on Thursday nights. I'll be damned if he's gonna take that away from him too. You were amazing with them, Jack; that's the first time I've seen him so animated since he joined the group."

Not really sure how to respond to that he shrugged. "You think you could give me a ride home? Your wife's plan to kick me out of the mountain didn't exactly go the way she thought it would; the general decided to send me home with Janet so she could supervise my time off and make sure I was resting." He shot a glare at the doctor when she hung up and turned to face them.

"I will not apologize for being concerned about your health."

Jack wisely decided not to pursue that line of conversation and changed the topic. "How's Sam?"

"She's sleeping."

"On her own or with help?"

"She was given a mild sedative to help her sleep when it became apparent that she was doing everything she could to stay awake. She wasn't doing herself any good by refusing to – "

"You know why she was trying to stay awake," he snapped.

"And you told her you would be back in the morning."

"A few hours is one thing; overnight is a completely different story. I told you she wasn't ready – "

"She's fine."

"And when the nightmares start? They're not gonna take the night off just because I'm not there."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam turned her head slowly as she looked around the dimly lit room and felt her spirits plummet when she realized she was alone. _The delusions were beginning to take on a very real quality and it was taking longer and longer to come out of them. It had seemed so real this time –_ _ **he**_ _had seemed so real._ She couldn't understand why the scenery wasn't morphing back into the cell the way it normally did. _Maybe the aliens were stepping up the torture; maybe the physical pain they had put her through was no longer enough for them._ She tried to move but her leg wouldn't cooperate; she struggled against the contraption that kept her immobilized for several minutes before giving in and slumping back against the bed. Hopelessness assailed her and her mind began to systematically shut down as she withdrew into herself.


	6. Chapter 6

**Part 6**

Jack bounded out of the elevator and followed the corridor that led to the VIP rooms. He did feel rested and relaxed but he wasn't about to admit that to Janet. That went right out the window in a matter of seconds. He frowned when he rounded a corner and spotted Capt. Vaughn, Lt. Crowder, and a nurse whose name he couldn't remember gathered in front of Sam's room.

"Is there a problem, ladies?" he asked, trying to control the pounding of his heart.

"The major seems to have suffered a setback during the night," Capt. Vaughn said quietly.

"What kind of setback?"

"We're not sure what caused it, sir. She normally watches every move we make when we're in the room and now… there's nothing. There's no response whatsoever to – "

Without waiting to hear anymore Jack pushed past the women and entered the nearly dark room. He could see the difference in Sam the moment he reached the bed and looked down at her. Her eyes were open and he was standing in her line of sight but there was no sign of recognition, her hand didn't automatically reach out in search of his, and after a moment she rolled her head to stare at the opposite side of the room as tears slipped silently down her cheeks.

He was losing her; he could see her slipping away, could feel it. He reached out and placed a trembling hand on her arm, concerned when she didn't even acknowledge the touch. He lifted his head when the door opened again and Janet stepped inside. His first instinct was to throw the woman out of the room and lock himself inside with Sam until he could convince her that he was really there but he settled for glaring at the doctor across the bed.

"Not staying with her last night… great idea, Janet," he hissed. "I told you she wasn't ready for that."

"We had no way of knowing the setback would be this extreme."

"So you expected a setback. That's funny because I don't remember you saying anything about that when you were convincing the general that I needed to get out of the mountain. Did I miss that part of the discussion or – "

"Not everything was discussed while you were present, Jack."

"You're telling me he sent me home knowing that she would suffer some type of setback." He shook his head. "Do you have any idea how bad this is? She wasn't this unresponsive when we first brought her home. I'm the only one she's responded to, Janet and I left her last night; she thinks the whole thing was in her head. I'll bet she even thinks that she's still in that goddamned cell."

"Jack, I know this is difficult – "

"You have no idea." He moved around to Sam's right side and pulled his chair forward to sit beside the bed.

Janet winced when the major stared right through him for a solid minute before turning to face the opposite direction. Her heart twisted painfully in her chest when the retired colonel took her hand and the limb remained limp as the contact was ignored. She fled the room and ran straight to her office where she threw herself into writing up reports that needed to be completed. Even after several hours had passed and she had completed more than a dozen reports she was still unable to get his shattered expression out of her mind.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam stared at the metal frame that prevented her from moving and kept her leg in traction. Her gaze moved around the empty room before settling on the door and she felt a brief shudder of apprehension. She didn't know what her captors wanted from her or what they hoped to gain by using the memories of people she cared about but she was tired of waiting for them to reveal their purpose.

It had been some time since she had decided to ignore the images her delusional mind insisted upon conjuring up. The fact that they had continued gave her pause and made her wonder if her captors were somehow capable of manipulating her thoughts and what she perceived as reality.

That was the only thing that made sense at this point. She still had no way of calculating time but she was certain that several days must have passed since she had resolved to ignore the delusions that came to her in the form of people she loved and cared about. It had been difficult to ignore Jack; her captors had obviously realized he was her biggest weakness and they were using him to their advantage.

He had left after being summoned by the general and she had endured more poking and prodding by the nursing staff without a sound. The nurse had finished making adjustments to the weights on the traction unit before leaving and Sam had levered herself up enough so she could reach out and touch the frame supporting her leg. The metal felt cool to the touch and she was familiar enough with the thing to release herself.

 _Ow!_ She bit back the scream that begged for release when her leg was released a little bit faster than she had anticipated. _For a delusion it sure felt real._ Her head swam when she finally got both feet on the floor and she managed to lever herself into a standing position. _Damn, the floor felt like ice against her feet._ She took a couple of experimental steps wincing when her knee protested any placement of weight and it took a few minutes before she could shift her weight just right to avoid the worst of the pain.

She checked the cabinet where the medical staff kept their supplies, digging through the bins until she found something useful. She carefully crossed the room and slowly opened the door, surprised when she didn't find a guard posted there. She knew it was a test… it had to be. _Why else would the airman that she had seen on many occasions be conspicuously absent at the same time that Jack had been called away? Maybe if she could make it to her lab she could figure something out._ Stepping back inside she blinked back the moisture that had risen to the surface when her eyes had been painfully reintroduced to the harsh light in the hall. Annoyed at the weaknesses that seemed to plague her she reached up to pull the cotton from her ears and rubbed her eyes one more time before moving back to the door.

She stepped out into the empty corridor and crept along the hall, making her way to the stairwell. She knew she had a better chance of reaching her lab if she stayed away from the areas that were busy and well used. She was forced to stop and lean against the wall when her knee threatened to buckle from the weight being placed on it.

Sam jerked around when a voice shouted and she fought against her first instinct, refusing to show any weakness by covering her ears. Her eyes hurt from the exposure to the harsh light and they were burning so badly they were tearing up and blurring her vision.

When a hand settled on her arm she reacted to the unexpected contact without thinking.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack frowned when he rounded the corner and didn't see the airman he had posted at the door to Sam's room. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up when he pushed the door open and saw the empty room. He was backing out of the room when two white spots caught his attention and he crouched down to pick them up.

 _Oh boy,_ he thought as he glanced at the cotton in his hands. While sounds weren't quite as difficult to handle as they had been at first, he knew she wasn't ready for anything surprising that could and probably would come up in the halls of SGC. He also knew that the harsh lighting as well as her knee would be causing her a great deal of pain and he wondered why she had left the room.

Ten days had passed since he had come back from spending a night away from the mountain and she hadn't once responded to him or anything else. He had refused to leave again and other than an occasional enforced break he hadn't left his post. He moved to follow her, certain that even in her confused state she would head for her lab. _She wouldn't take the lift,_ he thought. _Too many people, the risk of being stopped would be too high and the last thing she would want to do would be stopped._

He jogged along the corridor as he made his way to the stairwell, pausing momentarily when the alarm went off. Picking up his pace he ran along the corridor, coming to a sudden stop when the airman he had expected to find standing in front of Sam's room was thrown to the ground at his feet.

Unconcerned with the man's condition he leaned over him and snatched his radio off of his belt, snapping out orders to kill the blaring alarm. Silence fell over the corridor, the sound deafening after the persistent noise. Stepping over the man he cautiously approached Sam and reached out to her.

"Sir, I wouldn't – "

"Get yourself down to the infirmary, Airman. Get yourself looked at and I'd advise you to stay away from me in the future."

"Sir, she's armed," he warned as he pushed himself to his feet. His eyes widened and he gestured wildly at the retired colonel. "Sir, watch out!"

Jack whirled around, wincing when the scalpel he hadn't seen in her hand sliced through his sleeve and across his outstretched arm. He grabbed her hand before she could take another shot at him, exerting just enough pressure to make her drop the weapon.

"Leave us alone." He didn't waste time waiting to see if the airman did as he was ordered, moving instead to wrap his arms around Sam from behind. Keeping his grip gentle but firm, he leaned back against the wall and slid down, taking her with him. She fought against the arms holding her and he knew that if she were on top of her game he'd be in a lot of pain right about now.

"C'mon, Sam," he whispered, "you've gotta snap outta this, baby." He shifted slightly and pulled his legs up so that they were flanking her body. "I sure hope getting out of your room for a few minutes was worth Janet's wrath 'cause you know she's gonna be pissed when she finds out about this," he said conversationally. "You'd better hope that you didn't do any serious damage to your knee or that arm either. What the hell were you thinking? Throwing that airman over your shoulder in your condition was not one of your more intelligent moves."

Sam ignored the pain that was radiating out from various parts of her body and focused on his voice, easily hearing the concern in the chastising words. She snuggled in closer against him and let the sound of his hushed voice wash over her. It was the first time she had really heard him since she had been rescued.

Her eyes shot open several seconds later when her thoughts registered and as realization dawned she began to struggle against the arms holding her.

"Damn it, Sam," he hissed when her elbow caught him in the ribs, "stay still before you hurt yourself." He was doing everything he could to keep her immobilized without jostling her knee but she wasn't cooperating.

She tried to shove his arm away and froze when her wild eyes landed on the bloody sleeve.

Jack allowed his arms to relax when she stopped struggling and he held his breath when she reached out to tentatively probe his injured arm. He tilted his head to the side in an attempt to read her expression, following her gaze when she lifted red-rimmed eyes to try and focus on the scalpel lying several feet away.

"Don't worry about it, Sam," he murmured against her ear. "You didn't know, baby, you didn't know." He rocked her gently, the tremors from her shaking body transferring themselves to his.

"Jack."

He raised his head when Janet's voice called him from several feet away and he held a hand up to prevent her from coming any closer. He glanced down when Sam pressed herself closer to him and her right forefinger began to tap against his knee, the motion almost frantic in its urgent rhythm.

He focused all of his attention on the tapping, recognizing it immediately. She was using Morse code again and it took him a moment for his mind to catch up with her rapid tapping. He hugged her just a little bit tighter when he realized that she was repeating the same three words over and over.

 _Don't let go._

"Never," he promised, kissing her temple.

Jack glanced up at Janet and nodded at the two male nurses who were standing behind her with a stretcher. "I'll get her back to her room; she doesn't need that."

Following his lead the doctor kept her voice low. "Jack, she's gonna need to be taken to the infirmary; she shouldn't have been on that leg and after what Airman Daley told me there's a good chance that she's re-injured her knee. I need to get her into x-ray as soon as possible to assess the damage."

"I go wherever she goes."


	7. Chapter 7

**Part 7**

Janet examined the x-rays closely searching for indicators that would suggest that Sam's knee had sustained trauma. There was evidence of strain but the tendons and ligaments that had been healing hadn't suffered any detrimental damage; there were no new tears and the knee itself seemed to be fine. She moved on to the next set of x-rays, taken from another angle, and immediately noticed the small tear in one of the tendons they had previously repaired.

"Damn it," she swore softly before turning her attention to the films they had taken of Sam's left arm.

Jack raised his head when the curtain that was keeping them out of full view of the infirmary was pulled back and Janet stepped inside. He scanned her expression, looking for some clue that would tell him if the news was good or bad. Sam was asleep beside him, worn out after her little excursion. Once she had been satisfied that he wasn't going anywhere she had allowed herself to fall into a light doze and before the x-rays and scans had been finished she had been in a deep sleep.

"Is it bad?" he asked with a slight wince.

"No, but we're gonna have to open her knee back up; there was a tear in one of the tendons we repaired when she was brought back home. It's a minor setback, Jack; she should be up on crutches in a few weeks. Once she's able to maneuver around on the crutches I'll consider releasing her. She's readjusting to sounds but she's still extremely sensitive to light so we need to work a little harder on that. I know it's been difficult this past week because she had withdrawn and I realize – "

"Don't apologize, Doc," he interrupted. "You weren't wrong to send me home. I did need to get away from the mountain and the truth is she could've had that setback at any time whether I was here or not." He shrugged one shoulder and let his gaze drop back down to the woman sleeping against his side. "Maybe it had to happen before she could start to recover… I don't know. I do know if anyone in this room deserves an apology it's you; I was an ass and I treated you like crap and I am sorry for that."

Janet waved the apology away. "It's not necessary, Jack; I know you were worried about her and that couldn't have happened at a worse time."

"So, she'll be able to go home soon?"

"We're probably still looking at two to three weeks. She needs to put some weight on too, Jack; she hasn't put on nearly enough weight to satisfy me."

"She will," he said confidently. "What kinda weight are we talking about? I mean, y'know, before you'll let her go home? It's hard to pack on the pounds around here since the food sucks but once she gets home," he grinned, "look out."

"She's twenty-eight pounds under her normal weight so if we can put at least a third of that back on by the time she's up on crutches I'll still consider letting her go home."

"Cool, we can work with that."

"That does not mean you're gonna start sending someone out for greasy fast food either, Jack."

"I would never suggest such a thing."

"You may not suggest it but I know you were thinking it." She shook her head when he wisely decided not to comment. "I've already scheduled her surgery for this afternoon so I'll leave you two alone. You've got a couple of hours before we'll need to get her prepped and when we come to get her I want you to cooperate. I'll make sure you're the first thing she sees after surgery, but you're gonna have to stay out of the way and let us do our jobs."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Daniel watched Jack as he paced back and forth, wearing a trench in the floor of the infirmary as he tried to work off his nervous energy. He'd been around the newly retired colonel long enough to know it was when he stopped pacing that he was ready to blow. So when his agitated steps slowed and he came to rest next to a cart by Sam's bed he knew it was only a matter of time before Jack's pent-up emotions boiled over. He had to distract him, get his focus on something else to prevent that from happening.

"Janet's made arrangements to have Captain Vaughn cover for her while we're away this weekend."

Jack checked his watch, glaring at it when it revealed that less than a minute had passed since the last time he looked at it. Maybe it needed a new battery. Or it had just taken one too many hits on missions. He flicked the cover closed and leaned forward, his hands gripping the edge of the cart as he tried to control the urge to throw something, break something or put his fist through a wall.

He could see the signs of an impending explosion. "Jack?"

"Why's it taking so long?" he ground out.

Daniel's gaze dropped to his friend's hands, not surprised to see that his knuckles had turned white from gripping the cart so tightly. "I'm sure it's not taking any longer than it needs to take."

Jack scrubbed a hand through his short hair, leaving it standing up in a dozen different directions. "She said an hour, hour and a half tops. It's been almost two."

Before he could respond to that one of the nurses approached them and when she quietly addressed the colonel she immediately had his full attention.

"Is she okay?"

"Major Carter's surgery's going fine, Colonel O'Neill. Dr. Frasier asked me to come out and let you know she'll be finished up in about ten minutes. She discovered some minor tearing that the x-rays didn't reveal and she's been working to repair it."

He nodded in appreciation and exhaled loudly when she disappeared again. The hands gripping the cart began to relax to a certain degree and he nodded to himself. She was okay.

Daniel ducked his head to hide the smile when Jack suddenly fisted the air, his relief a palpable thing.

He brought himself under control and glanced over at his friend. "Were you saying something?"

"Just that Janet made arrangements to have Captain Vaughn here while we're outta town this weekend."

"Yeah, I think she mentioned that." He moved around restlessly, his hands constantly in motion as he picked things up, playing with them briefly before his attention moved elsewhere. "You have any luck with getting Vince to go?"

"No." Daniel sighed in frustration. "I gave his uncle another shot, tried to convince him to let Vince go, but he wouldn't budge." He rubbed the back of his neck. "He said it was a waste of time and that the boy has plenty of work to do. The boy," he muttered and shook his head. "I've talked to him a couple of times now and not once has he referred to Vince by name."

"What's his story?"

"He lost both parents in a car accident and with no other family he ended up in his uncle's care. And I use that word in its loosest possible form. He may provide a roof and meals but I wouldn't go much farther than that."

Jack stilled, his arms crossed over his chest as he focused his attention on the man he'd come to regard over the years as one of his closest friends. "You suspect there's something else goin' on."

"When I was a kid there were a couple of placements that weren't so great." He crossed his arms over his chest in the familiar self-protective pose and shrugged one shoulder self-consciously. "It's difficult to forget some things and there are just some familiar red flags. Sometimes things aren't as black and white as they seem."

It didn't take a genius to figure out where Daniel was going with his current line of conversation. "You think he's abusing Vince?"

He nodded after a moment. "Yeah, I do. Not sure to what extent but in the end that doesn't really matter, does it?"

"No," Jack murmured in agreement. "No, it doesn't." It wasn't something they'd ever sat down and talked about, but he'd read Daniel's personnel file so he was fully aware of his history. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Janet said you're supposed to be getting out of the mountain for a couple of hours this weekend. Are you planning to follow through on that?"

"I told her I'd give her an hour, but no more." He shrugged when Daniel just shook his head. "Hey, it's a start. I'll see how Sam does with that and we'll go from there. I know I give Doc hell over stuff, but I do understand her point and I do want Sam to get her independence back. I just don't wanna rush things and push her too far too fast again."

"You have any plans for getting outta here for a bit?"

"Run home, grab a shower and a change of clothes, maybe stop and grab something to eat that isn't commissary food." The food on base wasn't that bad but eating it for days on end was pushing it. He held his hands up. "What can I do?" he asked, backtracking to their previous topic of conversation.

"Go by and check on Vince, see if you can get a read on the situation. Maybe because the uncle's a bully I'm seeing something that isn't there."

Jack had his doubts about that. "Any certain time?"

"No, he pretty much works open to close on the weekends." He straightened up when he heard movement in the corridor.

"Get me the address and I'll look in on him, Daniel," he promised, all of his attention shifting to Janet when she came into the room. "How'd it go?"

"She came out of surgery just fine, Colonel. They'll be bringing her in shortly. I'd like to have the two of you vacate the area while we get her situated." She shook her head before he could get a word of protest out. "Once she's settled you can come back."

"Is this gonna set her back much?"

"Not as much as it could have. The fact that the damage was minimal is encouraging. Now, out of my infirmary. I'll let you know when you can come back."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam fought off consciousness as it returned by degrees, bringing with it pain and the threat of nausea. She struggled to control her response when she shifted and her undamaged arm collided with something hard.

"Easy, Sam."

The calm, easy tone laced with concern helped to ground her and after a few minutes her eyes cracked open, testing the level of lighting in the room. The lights were cut back to low, allowing her to fully open her eyes. She was back in the infirmary – and so was he. She automatically questioned his presence in this setting. It was so easy to believe he was there, to believe that she was no longer imprisoned on that godforsaken planet.

"Sam?" Jack frowned when she stared at him, looking right through him as if he wasn't there. "Hey, c'mon, Carter, focus on me." Her gaze automatically zeroed in on him, her eyes locking with his, and he smiled when he saw the recognition there. "There you are."

He held his hand out when her fingers began to twitch, patiently waiting to see if she'd reach out to him. "I've been where you are, y'know. Stuck in that place in your head, not sure if what you're seeing is real or not, not sure you can trust your own senses. When I came home after Iraq I experienced the same thing. After a while I just disappeared inside my own head, couldn't make heads or tails of what was real and what wasn't so I figured it was just safer if I stopped trying to interact with the world altogether." He shook his head. "Don't make the same mistake I did. It's only a temporary fix and it makes the recovery process a helluva lot longer."

Sam stared at him, hearing the sincerity in his words and trying to decide if she could trust what she was seeing and hearing. She wanted to, more than anything, but every time she started to believe she was back on Earth something happened to destroy it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Part 8**

Jack was a happy camper.

He had a spring in his step as he hurried down the sidewalk and cut across his lawn to climb up into his truck. As promised he'd checked out of the mountain and headed for home, intent on keeping his side of the bargain with Janet. He'd decided to grab a quick shower at home and then stop in to check on Vince before grabbing something to eat and heading back.

Sam was making progress, albeit slowly, but in his book every little step counted. He knew he wasn't the only one who believed that but somehow it felt more important to him. The doctors still couldn't find any reason for her not talking so for the moment it had been determined to be due to a psychological factor. She had been tortured, that had been evident from the moment they'd found her, and he knew that was most likely the cause behind her lack of vocalization.

He hadn't broached the subject of what had happened to her while being held captive, feeling that it was too soon. He'd always tried to maintain open lines of communication between himself and his team. If something was bothering them he wanted to know about it, needed to know about it to make sure they were fit for field duty. More often than not though, it was Daniel that had come to him rather than Sam.

She was military, she knew how to compartmentalize, and while that was necessary to do the job they did, there were times it could also cause a problem. He'd never admitted that out loud, but it was true all the same. No matter how much you buried traumatic events they always came back to bite you on the ass, and if you'd never dealt with them to begin with they were even harder to deal with the next time around.

Sam tended to gravitate more towards Daniel and Janet, or even Teal'c on occasion, when a mission went to hell. In spite of the fact that emotional fallout was not an easy thing to deal with, and even harder to discuss, it had stung when he'd realized she rarely ever sought him out. But then he'd realized that a situation like that could easily pry open the door to the room they'd agreed to lock everything away in.

Well, he was done with that. He'd blown that damn door off and whatever happened, he couldn't find it in himself to regret that decision. SG-1 was the premier frontline team, and yeah, they'd saved Earth more than once in their years together, but putting that on the table as a bargaining chip to keep them together hadn't felt right. They were closer than any team should be, but they'd never been broken up and reassigned because their dynamic had proved to be an asset in the field.

No matter how much they tried to hold onto that, he and Sam had both known that if they ever let what happened in that room out, everything would change. It couldn't NOT change. Oh, they could probably pull it off for a while, but the truth of the matter is, at some point it could and most likely would affect a split-second decision that could be the difference between life and death for one or all of them and that wasn't fair to the team as a whole.

In order to pursue what was between them one of them would've had to be reassigned or he would've had to retire. Putting it out there for her to retire was laughable. She had too much to give. Her brain was worth so much more than his would ever be. He was a great tactician but most of the time it was one of her brilliant, albeit confusing as hell ideas, that pulled their asses out of the fire at the last second.

He didn't know if she'd want to continue at Stargate Command once she'd fully recovered – and he believed she would eventually recover. She wouldn't be the same. No one ever was once they'd survived an ordeal like that. No matter how much you tried, you could never go back to the person you were before captivity and torture. It changed you. It was a make you or break you situation. She wouldn't be broken by it; she was a fighter and she wouldn't let it beat her. But he knew it could leave lasting scars, the kind that determined whether you could be effective in the field any longer.

Or it could simply be that she decided she wanted to stay on in a more scientific role, something that would keep her on base rather than going through the 'gate. And if that's what she decided he'd be more than happy with it. Granted, they had faced plenty of threats without ever leaving the mountain, but if need be, he was close by. Although, he had a feeling if the time ever came, General Hammond would recall him to active duty. Yeah, he'd be happy if she decided to remain on this side of the 'gate, but he knew he'd support any decision she made. If returning to a frontline team is what she wanted, he'd do everything in his power to help her prepare for it.

He shook those thoughts off as he turned into the parking lot for the hardware store. They had plenty of time before she was even close to being ready to make that decision. He pulled into a space and checked his watch as he stepped out of the truck. He glanced around, threat assessing out of habit as he began walking towards the store's entrance. He always stopped at the larger hardware store situated off the highway when he needed something of that variety, preferring it because if they didn't have what he wanted they could order it and have it within a day or two.

He wandered up and down the dozen or so aisles, checking out the stock and measuring the prices against his preferred store. The prices were decent, but it was next to impossible for a smaller store to take on a nationwide chain that dominated the market. He recalled Daniel telling him that Vince's uncle owned a chain of hardware stores, but based on the size and the unfamiliar name he was sure the stores were all in Colorado, with maybe a few in bordering states.

"Help you find somethin'?"

He paused in his perusal of lawn and gardening equipment and turned his head to look at the man approaching him. Close to six feet, dark hair graying at the temples, and a smile that didn't come close to reaching his steel gray eyes.

"Just doing a little price checking." He held his hand out to the man. "Colonel Jack O'Neill," he introduced himself.

"Riley Sullivan," he said and shook the proffered hand. "In the market for a new lawn mower?"

"I haven't decided yet. Large yard, knees are shot… been thinking about maybe investing in a riding mower."

"You've definitely come to the right place." The anticipation of a sale lit up his cold eyes. "Let me show you what I have in stock."

Jack followed him to an outdoor area, fenced off from the parking lot and shaded from the sun, and listened to him as he prattled on about the benefits of one mower over the other. He made the appropriate interested comments, posed multiple questions, and finally brought up the fact that the prices were higher than what he'd seen at another store.

"I'll be the first to admit it's difficult to compete with stores like that, but if you're interested in purchasing one of these I can make you a good deal." His head turned sharply when a racket a few aisles down interrupted him. "Excuse me a moment."

Jack nodded and shifted to keep him in view as he stalked down the main aisle, cutting down to his right just seconds later. His eyes surreptitiously scanned the ceiling, quickly locating one of the dome-shaped mirrors and tracking the man's movements as he hurried to his destination. It didn't take but a moment to identify Vince's solid frame and only a moment more to see the weight bearing down on his young shoulders as the man berated him for being clumsy.

He pretended interest in the mowers when the teenager shot out of the aisle, giving the boy the opportunity to get by with his shredded dignity intact when he turned in his direction. He rolled his shoulders and tucked his fisted hands up under his arms because he wanted badly to give that man a beating he wouldn't soon forget.

Vince's eyes widened when he noticed the colonel and after studying his posture for several long seconds he was certain the man had witnessed the scene between him and his uncle. "Colonel O'Neill," he said with a short nod.

"How's it goin', Vince?"

He shrugged. "It could be worse." _It could always be worse,_ he thought. He glanced over his shoulder when he heard his uncle's heavy footsteps nearing the main aisle. "I'd best get goin'."

Jack could feel the tension radiating off of the boy so he decided not to push. "Take care of yourself." He reached up to slap the kid on the back and he flinched so hard he physically took a step back, knocking his elbow into a display and sending several items flying.

"Sorry, sorry, I'm just really clumsy today." He hurried to snatch the items off of the floor and shove them back on the shelf.

"Boy, if you don't get that mess over on aisle seven cleaned up…"

"I'm goin', Uncle Riley." He looked at the colonel and gave just the slightest shake of his head, relieved when he received an affirmative nod in response.

"I apologize if the boy bothered you."

"No harm done."

"Teenagers." Sullivan shook his head in annoyance. "He's had an attitude because I wouldn't let him go on some waste of time trip. Some girl he hangs out with has been tutoring him and her old man's a yoyo who thinks I have time and money to throw away on weekend trips."

"Yoyo, huh?"

"Professor type; thinks he knows it all. You know the type, Colonel. Kinda guy that drives men like us to the brink of insanity. Only one way to deal with those types." He cleared his throat and motioned to the mowers. "So, whatcha think?"

"I think I'll definitely give it some thought." There wasn't a doubt in his mind that Daniel was on the right track about this guy. "That offer good for a few days?"

"Sure thing, Colonel. I like to do my part to help support our troops." He smiled. "I would've served myself but an old football injury kept me out."

Jack nodded in understanding. _Yeah, right,_ he thought. _Guy probably hadn't passed the psyche eval._ Sure, he'd seen plenty of guys like him slip past the evaluations and manage to enlist, but their true colors always came out at some point. He excused himself when his phone began to vibrate, turning away and checking the message that had arrived.

He chuckled when he saw the simple greeting.

 _ **Hi.**_

He punched in a response and sent it.

 _ **Hey yourself, beautiful. Miss me?**_

He could easily picture her expression when reading his message and it didn't take long for her to reply.

 _ **Yes.**_

Before his thumbs could get to work on the keypad another message came through.

 _ **Did you find anything out about Cassie's friend?**_

His hand tightened around the phone, his knuckles white until he forced his grip to relax.

 _ **Tell you about it soon. Getting ready to head your way. Want anything?**_

He didn't bother saying anything else to Sullivan, making his way out of the store and to his truck while waiting for her response. He slid in behind the wheel and started the engine, his hand reaching for the gearshift when he caught movement from the corner of his eye. He frowned when he saw Vince standing near the back of the building, motioning to get his attention.

He put the truck in drive and after checking to make sure Sullivan was nowhere in sight he pulled around to where the boy was waiting. He rolled his window down just as his phone vibrated again, but he ignored it for the moment.

"Vince, everything okay?"

"Look, Colonel O'Neill, I know what that looked like…" He shrugged when the man waited patiently for him to continue. The colonel knew what he'd seen and there was no way he'd mistaken what had happened. "Guess there's no need to lie to you. I can't go to the cops and neither can you. So please, just forget what you saw."

"Vince, what he's doin' to you isn't right."

"No, it's not, and I'm not one of those kids that think I deserve it. I know I don't, but if you do go to the cops and file a report I'll just deny it. I have my reasons for not rockin' the boat. He gets pissed off and he throws a punch or two, I can handle it."

"It's not a matter of what you can and can't handle."

"Yeah, it is. I've just gotta get through a couple more years and – "

"And he could kill you in that time, do you understand that? I can't in good conscience stand by and let him continue to hurt you."

"He's not gonna kill me." He wouldn't, right? That would draw too much negative attention and publicity and his uncle wouldn't want that. "Like I said, I'll deny it if they come askin'."

"Tell me why."

Vince shook his head and backed away. "Just let it go, Colonel O'Neill. Please."

He sighed when the kid disappeared back inside the building and he snatched his phone up, opening the message and feeling the tension inside him uncoil slightly.

 _ **Have you had lunch yet? A hamburger sounds good.**_

Jack smiled and thumbed a quick response before leaving the parking lot and turning in the direction of his favorite diner. He knew she wouldn't eat a lot, but the fact that she was asking for something was enough to encourage him. Her appetite was slowly returning. He stopped at the diner and ran inside, putting in an order and chatting up the few employees while waiting for his order to be filled. In less than fifteen minutes he was on his way again, thoughts of Vince and his situation temporarily filed away.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam picked at the second half of her hamburger while shooting curious glances at Jack. He had been preoccupied since returning with lunch but he hadn't yet brought up what was weighing so heavily on his mind. He had carried the conversation, even laughing on occasion, but she could tell that his heart wasn't in it. She wished she could say or do something, anything, to help him.

He'd finished his meal a while ago and he was sitting quietly next to her, his chair angled so he was facing her, his right arm resting on the bed beside her leg. She wiped her hands off on a napkin and reached out to him, placing her hand on top of his. He didn't look up but he turned his hand over beneath hers, gently clasping hers in his warm grasp.

"Y'know, my kid could drive me up the wall at times," he said finally and shook his head. "Discipline's an important part of growing up but you never hit them. You can discipline a kid without beating them. I can't prove it, but that bastard's hitting Vince." He sighed tiredly. "I just don't know why he said he'd deny it if investigators questioned him about being abused."

He fell silent when she started tapping out a message with her forefinger and all of his focus shifted to her touch, concentrating as he tried to follow her hasty response. "Love? No, I don't think there's any love lost between the two of them. I didn't get the feeling like he identified with his uncle at all. It's something else… something I can't put my finger on."

And it was troubling him. Not that he couldn't pinpoint that something else, but that he knew the boy was in danger and his hands were tied. Without proof there was little the authorities could do, and if Vince refused to name his uncle as his abuser the investigators would have nothing to go on and the case would be closed until such time as there was more to go on.

Sam studied him long enough that it finally caught his attention and he shrugged one shoulder as he looked at her. She squeezed his hand, letting him know that she understood and that brought a small smile to his lips. She motioned to the second half of her hamburger and smiled when he reached for it.

"Well, if you're not gonna eat the rest of it," he said and took a bite, making a face at the cold burger. He nearly dropped it when she made a sound but before he could encourage her she jerked away from him, pulling in on herself until she was as small as possible, and her eyes started to dart around the room fearfully.

Jack tossed the rest of the burger in a nearby trash can and leaned in closer to her. "Hey, Sam, it's okay." He was closely monitoring her reactions, cataloging every single one in an effort to memorize them. "Carter, listen to me…"

Sam tried to move even closer to the other side of the bed, panicking when the bedrails and her injured leg kept her from escaping. She struggled with the bars, so lost in her terror that she couldn't make heads or tails of the simple release mechanism.

He reached for the phone on the wall, snatching it off the hook and calling for Captain Vaughn. It wasn't even a minute later when she ran into the room and as always, the speed with which she identified the problem and set about resolving it impressed him.

Unfortunately being touched only sent Sam into a panic and she fought harder to get away. All she could see was the hideous aliens gathering around her. All she could feel was the pain as she was punished for making even the smallest of noises. All she could hear was her own screams echoing in her head because if she cried out the pain increased.

Captain Vaughn quickly administered a sedative and as it began to work Sam's frantic movements started to ease until she was finally still.

"Doc, is she okay?" Jack asked as he cautiously moved closer, wanting to be close to Sam but not wanting to be in the way.

"She's fine, Colonel." The captain smiled reassuringly. "Can you tell me what happened?"

He watched her as she set about checking Sam's vitals and making sure there was no further damage to her injuries.

"Colonel O'Neill?" Captain Vaughn prodded gently.

"She uh… I think maybe she started to say something. She definitely made a sound but as soon as she did she panicked."

"Well," she hung her stethoscope around her neck, "we got to her before she could do any damage this time. Considering her lack of vocalization since being found and the pain levels we know she's experienced it's completely possible that her silence is directly linked to being tortured."

Jack considered that. "Conditioning," he mused quietly. They knew nothing about the race that had taken her captive and that was only hindering their ability to fully understand the condition they had found her in. Conditioning could be reversed. He knew that from his own experiences as a prisoner. "Doc, you could be onto something."

She smiled. "I hope so, Colonel. I really hope so. It took both of us to get to that conclusion though. I'll be in my office if you need me."

 _Yeah,_ he thought as he settled back into his chair after scooting it up close to Sam's bed once more, _one step back and one step forward today._ They hadn't lost ground and that was progress as far as he was concerned.


	9. Chapter 9

**Part 9**

Janet shook her head when she switched the lights on in her office and she saw the stack of folders waiting for her. Without sitting down she reached for the chart updates and started scanning through the pertinent information. Her eyebrows shot up when she saw the notes Kim had made for Sam's chart.

"You're in early."

She looked up when Kim rapped her knuckles on the doorframe. "Good morning," she greeted with a smile. "Daniel has an early briefing before he heads out with SG-7 to meet with the elders of P4X-725." She raised the hand holding the notes. "Sam spoke?"

"Colonel O'Neill said she made a sound. Unfortunately I wasn't there at the time so I didn't hear it, but based on her behavior afterwards I think it's highly likely that she did try to speak."

Janet nodded. "If we're dealing with a conditioned response then we have a good chance of reversing it," she mused aloud. "Did the colonel make himself scarce for an hour as promised on Saturday?"

"No." She smiled when Janet slowly lifted her eyes from the report she was familiarizing herself with. "He was actually gone for just over two hours and he brought lunch back at Major Carter's request."

"Sam actually asked for food?" It had taken time to get her back on solid food and she was eating even though she hadn't really shown much interest in food of any kind.

"She sent the colonel a text and asked for a burger. And to his credit he didn't come back with some monstrosity covered in a grease-saturated wrapper. She put away about half of it before she started picking at it."

"Good, we're looking at progress for both of them. And there was no damage to any of her existing injuries?"

"No, somehow we made it through that skirmish without aggravating any of them."

"How's her mood been since then?"

"More subdued than usual but he's been trying to draw her back out." She rubbed her eyes tiredly. "He was pretty positive most of yesterday, but after all day with little interaction from her his mood's taken a nosedive too."

Janet nodded. "That's to be expected. I don't suppose either of them ate much yesterday?"

Kim shook her head. "Not really, no. And they were doing so good on Friday and Saturday."

"There's no way to get the highs without the lows. That doesn't make it any easier but it's a fact of life. And setbacks are a part of the recovery process." She just wished there was a way to fast forward through the low points and setbacks. She shook her head as she ran through the next folder. "I see Sergeant Siler managed to make it into the infirmary on his day off."

"I'm not sure the sergeant has made it a full week without a trip to the infirmary in all the time I've been here." The captain sighed. "At least it was a minor injury, in and out in under an hour."

"Have a seat, Kim." Janet moved around her desk and eased into her chair. "Let's go over these charts so you can leave the mountain for some well deserved downtime."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Daniel quietly rapped his knuckles on the door to the private room Sam had been moved to before turning the knob and pushing it open. He glanced at the room's occupants and wondered how they were doing. Jack was slouched down in the chair next to the bed, asleep, his body contorted in what had to be an agonizing position. Movement drew his attention to the bed and he smiled when he caught Sam watching him.

"Hey," he whispered as he moved closer. He didn't miss it when she flinched so he settled for sliding his hands in his pockets instead of resting them on the bedrails as he had first intended. He wasn't sure why she was wary of everyone but Jack, but it was impossible to not notice it. "How're you doing?"

He watched as her gaze shifted to Jack and the fingertips of her right hand twitched. She hadn't even attempted to communicate with anyone else, something he found interesting. "Y'know," he said quietly, "the two of us used to have a lot of talks, remember that? Late nights when I'd be up to all hours working on a translation or you'd be working on one of your experiments. I know you remember that, Sam. Seems like we'd always find our way into each other's departments on those nights and we'd spend hours and hours speculating and comparing notes, downing gallons of coffee and brainstorming."

She was studying him as if she was trying to make sense of what he was saying. Once again he found himself wishing he had some way of understanding what she had been through, some way of breaking through the protective barrier she had erected around herself. He didn't know what she'd been through, didn't know if they'd ever know, but he could understand the need to protect what was left after someone or something tried to strip you of your humanity.

He crouched down next to the bed, his hands resting lightly on the bedrail, well away from her. "I wish I knew if you understand what I'm saying. All the languages I can speak and right now I can't seem to find a way to communicate with one of the most important people in my life." Her eyes followed his every move, tracking his hands; the suspicion in the blue depths indicating that she would bolt the first moment she felt threatened.

His movements slow, cautious, he backed off before standing up. For whatever reason she wasn't sure of her safety with anyone but Jack and the last thing he wanted to do was to make her uncomfortable. He caught Jack watching them quietly and he nodded at the colonel.

"Jack."

"Daniel."

"How're things going?"

Jack shuffled his body into a more comfortable position, wincing when his back and knees all protested at the same time. He groaned, the sound nearly silent, as he straightened his legs and reached down to rub the offended joints. "Slight setback over the weekend but we'll get past it. Kinda early for you, isn't it?"

He nodded and rounded the bed, conscious of Sam's gaze tracking him. "I have a mission briefing in twenty minutes. I'm gating out to P4X-725 at eight o'clock."

He frowned. "725? Why? You're supposed to be off the field duty roster."

Daniel chuckled. "The same reason they'd call you back up. Trade negotiations."

That drew a snort from the retired colonel. "They wouldn't call me up for that."

"You know what I meant." The archeologist rolled his eyes. "Major Davidson asked for a translator and since I have the most experience with…" He shook his head when Jack made a rolling motion with his right hand. "Anyway, it's nothing more than trade negotiations for mining rights and some medicinal plant Janet wants to get her hands on."

"George call Teal'c back in?"

"No. He's scheduled to be back on Earth in a few days and then he'll be joining SG-3."

"I'd feel better if he was goin' with you."

"The people on 725 are peaceful. I'll be perfectly safe with SG-7."

"Yeah, I've heard that one before. Every time we loan you out you get into trouble."

"Not every time," he disagreed. "Just… sometimes."

Jack shook his head. "How was the education funfest?"

"Educational and fun. Were you able to check on Vince?"

"Yeah, and I think you're right. Proving it and getting Vince to cooperate though, that's another matter altogether."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack poked at the food on his plate, frowning at it when nothing he did made it appear more appetizing. "Salisbury steak my ass," he grumbled. "They need to fire the new cook." He looked up at Sam, surprised to find her watching him. For the past few days she'd been listless; showing no interest in anything he or anyone else said or did beyond the brief minutes she'd followed Daniel when he'd stopped in to visit.

He tried to act like it was normal to have her attention, running on with his commentary. "This right here?" He pushed the meat portion of the meal across the plate, wedging it under what was left of his mashed potatoes. "Whatever this is, it isn't Salisbury steak. It tastes just like the so-called meatloaf the other day. And that tasted just like the cube steak last week. I'm tellin' you, that new cook gives it different names but whatever it is, it's none of those things. He slaps this hunk of meat on the plate and slops this thin watery gravy over top of it and calls it the entrée of the day."

Janet had come by just as soon as she'd finished her rounds on Monday morning and they had talked for quite a while. They had no solid foundation for their theory and without cooperation from Sam they weren't going to be able to move forward with it. She had shown no indication of listening to them and since making a sound or trying to speak recently she'd been more withdrawn than usual. Having her attention was the first sign that she was coming around again.

"Y'know, you could give me one of those Carter smiles," he said and reached over to nudge her hand gently.

Sam's gaze dropped to his hand and her fingers twitched restlessly.

Jack set his plate aside and leaned forward, sliding to the edge of his chair. "I am here. I don't know how to prove it to you, but I'm real. You're not in that hellhole on that backwater planet any longer. I only wish I could've gotten to you sooner." He scrubbed a hand through his hair, leaving it standing up in multiple directions. "Hell, Carter, I wish I'd never agreed to loan you out to another team."

She wanted to believe him. She wanted desperately to believe that she was no longer a prisoner in that underground cell, left alone with the screams of other prisoners echoing in her ears and the pain of repeated abuse radiating through her body. But reality was a cruel teacher and while there was no concept of time in the prison that held her, she had quickly realized that the longer she was missing the smaller her chances of being rescued became.

After coming under attack on P3X-927 she had gotten separated from SG-11. She could remember returning fire from her position after diving for cover next to Sgt. Cavanaugh and then the shock grenade had landed next to them. By the time she had regained consciousness they had been prisoners of a hunting party and she'd had no idea where they were. The only thing she'd been sure of was that they were no longer on 927.

The sergeant had been on loan from SG-5, there to handle any problems that might have cropped up with the locals because he had been on the first team through the 'gate to 927 and the head of the village had immediately liked him. He and the chief shared a similar sense of humor and she had a feeling the old man had been keen to marry his daughter off to the sergeant. Judging by Cavanaugh's expression anytime the woman had come by their camp with her father he wouldn't have objected if the offer had been made.

They had been moved to a couple of different planets and each time the hunters had been careful to shield them from the 'gate and the DHD so they wouldn't know the coordinates of their destination. She hadn't been able to decipher their language and they'd taken a dim view of a woman speaking to them. Apparently women in their society had a place and that position didn't rank high enough to speak unless they were spoken to first.

Several days had passed when the hunting party met up with a group of traders and she and Cavanaugh had been offered in exchange for food and other supplies. A couple of weeks had passed with them chained up and forced into hard labor beside other prisoners. The mood in the prison camp was always thrumming with anger and desolation but about midway through one of the backbreaking days it had suddenly turned and fear had hung over the camp.

That was the day the grotesque aliens had walked through the camp, their hollow black eyes moving from one prisoner to the next. Some of the prisoners cowered, some attempted to hide, but none of them tried to defy them. The aliens hadn't seemed to have any specific preference; age, gender, build, there had been no rhyme or reason to it. She and Cavanaugh had intended to lay low, bide their time, and make their escape when the opportunity presented itself. But when the aliens had started to extract an old woman, one of them silencing her shrieking protests with a vicious blow that had left her bleeding and in shock, they had moved to protect her from further harm and made themselves targets.

Jack studied her features when she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head and he had a feeling she was back there in that prison cell. She couldn't seem to break free of that place even though it had been just over a month since she had returned home. But he knew how that worked, knew how hard it was to grasp onto reality when you had become used to an existence of abuse and torture. He knew what it was like to escape into your mind as a means of surviving, a way of keeping your faculties intact. And he knew how hard it was to accept freedom after that. It wasn't that you didn't want to; it was that you didn't know how to any longer.

He had spent so much of his own time in that Iraqi prison enduring tortures he didn't even like to think about. Once he'd finally dealt with that after coming home he'd locked it away and tried to forget it had ever happened. It wasn't possible to forget but most of the time he could block the nightmarish memories. For the first time in a long time he unlocked that door, cracking it open just enough to let himself recall his first few weeks at home after being rescued.

He hadn't believed it at first. He'd been certain he was either losing it or it was drug-induced. His captors had enjoyed toying with their prisoners and there were plenty of times they had dragged him out under the blistering hot sun after a night of being beaten and interrogated, and staked him out until his skin began to burn. Once back at home it had taken time before he could step out into the sunlight without being thrown right back into that prison yard. He'd craved the darkness, needed it at times to ground him, to prove to himself that he wasn't back there, that he was free.

Yes, anyone who had been through anything like that needed help, but one of the biggest steps – trust – was up to that person. And right now Sam didn't know what to believe and she wasn't certain she could even trust her own self to determine what was real and what wasn't. He looked around the room, taking in the sterile surroundings. Cold gray walls, medical equipment and not a single window.

His heart started to pound at the realization that other than the room she was in being a hell of a lot cleaner and climate controlled she might as well have still been in that cell. The lights were brighter than they had been the first couple of weeks, but they were still kept at a low setting and they were far from natural. The air was clean and filtered but it wasn't the same as fresh air.

"O'Neill."

He slammed the door and slapped the locks into place on his memories of Iraq and turned his head to look at the man that had spoken. "Teal'c. How's the family?"

"They are well. What of Major Carter?"

"She's hangin' in there." He scratched the side of his head and glanced at her, taking in her sleeping features. "She's still trapped in her head. It's just gonna take time."

"Indeed." The Jaffa cocked his head slightly as he studied the woman. "What progress has been made?"

"She's eating a little, injuries are healing, sensitivity to light and sound's improved…" he wrapped a string he'd picked up somewhere around his finger before releasing it and repeating the move.

"She has not spoken?"

"Not yet. I think she tried to a few days ago but," he shook his head without looking up, "it triggered a fear response and she hasn't tried again. She's slipped back…" he cleared his throat. "She'll get past it."

Janet watched them from the doorway, taking in Jack's posture and the restlessness in his hands, and it reminded her of the day she'd approached him as he sat next to Sam's bed after her possession by the entity.

"Dr. Fraiser," Teal'c greeted with a slight bow of his head.

"Teal'c, welcome back. I understand you'll be joining SG-3 for a mission this afternoon."

"General Hammond believes the team will benefit from having an additional member."

Jack snorted. "That's one way of putting it."

"I have a briefing to attend but I will return to check on Major Carter before embarking on the mission with SG-3." Without another word Teal'c took his leave.

"Guy talks too much," he tried to joke.

Janet kept an eye on him while checking Sam's vitals. She could tell he had something on his mind but rather than push him, she waited and let him get it out when he was ready. "You didn't eat much," she said with a glance at the barely touched plate on his tray.

"Have you tried to eat what that new cook's been setting out and callin' food?"

She made a face. "No, but I've seen the selections and noticed a scary similarity to quite a few of the meat selections." She reached over and patted his shoulder. "I brought you a plate from home and Cassie made a chocolate cake and sent a huge slice in for you. It's sweet enough to make your teeth ache."

He slouched down in his chair and chuckled. "Bet Daniel loved it."

"That man would survive on coffee and chocolate if I let him."

"You've got your hands full, Doc."

She smiled as she made notations in Sam's chart. "Yeah, but I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Janet, I had a thought and I'd like you to hear me out before you say anything." He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, his hands still busy playing with the string. "It occurred to me a while ago that while she's safe here she doesn't _know_ she's safe here. She's still stuck in her head, still waiting for that other shoe to drop."

"I agree with you." She wasn't sure where he was going yet, but he was dead serious and she was curious about his thoughts.

"You saw that shithole she was in. Dark, damp, cold and smelled like rotting bodies." He ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I'm not fond of the antiseptic smell, but it smells a whole lot better here. The temperatures are obviously more comfortable and it's well lit, but she's still buried under the mountain."

"Jack," she said softly, having a feeling she now knew what he was going to ask.

"Let me take her up to the surface for a while. It's warm out but not uncomfortably so, the sun will be starting to set in a few hours so it won't be too bright for her eyes to handle, and she won't be outta my sight for so much as a second. Just let me have a couple of hours. I promise I'll bring her back." He held his breath when he realized she had that look on her face that meant she was deep in thought.

Janet was weighing the pros and cons of allowing him to do what he was asking. On the one hand she knew it could backfire, but on the other, if being out of the mountain could help Sam it would be worth the risk. Physically she was healing, but mentally and emotionally, she worried that they weren't making much progress.

"If I agree to this," she held her hand up to stop him when he nearly jumped out of his chair with a hopeful expression. " _IF_ I agree, I want your word that you will return at the agreed upon time and you will follow all of my instructions to the letter."

His gaze shifted over to Sam. "Anything you say, Doc."


	10. Chapter 10

**Part 10**

Jack paced restlessly in front of the closed door to the general's office. He had been summoned by an airman nearly half an hour ago and he'd been waiting since arriving. He had just about reached the end of his patience when his name was called and he pivoted on his right foot to look at the same young airman that had approached him earlier.

"General Hammond is ready for you, Sir."

His eyes narrowed. "He's ready for me?" he echoed, annoyance creeping into his tone. The younger man swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing nervously, but to his credit he stood his ground. "Let's go, Airman."

His temper was bubbling near the surface and it was taking an effort to keep it in check. It had been three days since he'd spoken to Janet about taking Sam to the surface and she hadn't yet gotten back to him. Rationally, he knew that wasn't her fault. SG-9 had come back through the 'gate infected with a flu-like virus that had kept her on her feet for the better part of the past 72 hours.

She'd come to him the night before, exhausted and nearly out on her feet, to let him know she wanted to consult with Dr. Warner before giving him an answer. He could understand the need for caution but it was also driving him nuts. He was frustrated with the situation. The more time he spent going over his idea the more convinced he was that he was right. And the longer he waited for an answer, the further Sam was slipping away. As he followed the airman and realized he was being led to the briefing room he felt his temper edge closer to the surface.

The last time he'd been summoned to a meeting with the general and the good doctor he'd been kicked out of the mountain for the night and Sam had suffered a setback. Suspicion began to work its way into the cluster of emotions knotting up his insides when he entered the room and saw the general, Janet, Dr. Warner and Daniel all seated around the table. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up barely a heartbeat before his archeologist nodded subtly and shifted his eyes to the left.

Jack slid his hands in his pockets and his posture was deceptively relaxed when he turned his head to look at the rooms' final occupant. There weren't many people Daniel didn't like. Goa'uld aside, the number of people the man outright disliked could be counted on one hand. Dr. Mackenzie was damn near at the top of that list. His fingers curled into tight fists when the base psychiatrist met his gaze evenly.

"Mackenzie," he grated out.

"Colonel O'Neill. I understand you've put in for retirement, congratulations." He smiled briefly. "Should you find yourself in need of my services, please feel free to contact my office." He held his hand out, his smile slipping and his arm dropping back by his side when the offer was rejected outright.

"It'll be a cold day in hell, Mackenzie."

He nodded and shifted his attention back to the general. "General Hammond, I'll submit my report to you this afternoon."

"Very well, Doctor."

Jack waited until the shrink had left the room before he focused on the general. "I don't want him near Carter. I thought it was understood that he wasn't to come near anyone on my team after that last fiasco."

"Jack – " the general started only to be interrupted again. He allowed it, but only because he knew the other man was frustrated and felt like they were conspiring against him. Mackenzie's presence had a tendency of getting Jack's hackles up and in combination with the current situation he was misreading things.

"Sir, you know I have the highest respect for you, both as a commanding officer and as a man, but I will not have that poor excuse for a doctor trying to work with Carter or trying to take apart my request to take her topside."

"I appreciate that, Jack."

"What she's been through, it's…" he glanced at Dr. Warner. "Look, does he have to be here?"

"I asked him to attend this meeting," Hammond said, his left hand lifted slightly to let the doctor know he should remain in his seat. "Why don't you sit down, Jack."

He inhaled slowly and nodded before taking the seat across from Daniel. The general was being patient with him, more patient than he had a right to expect. "This's why you needed time to consider my request?" he asked as he pinned Janet with his gaze.

Janet rested a hand on her husband's arm when he started to protest. "Yes, it is. As you know, my relationship to SG-1 has become a lot more personal over the past year. In a situation like this, where I find that my professional opinion may be compromised by that involvement I prefer to consult with a colleague prior to making a final decision."

"Okay, I get that," he admitted after a moment. "What I don't get is why we're here."

"Dr. Warner has a few questions for you."

"Which I could've answered just as easily without leaving my post."

"The outcome of this conversation directly affects the answer to your request," Dr. Warner spoke up after a moment of silence. "We felt it best if Major Carter be left out of this particular discussion. Colonel O'Neill, Dr. Fraiser shared your request with me and I'm interested in your reasoning behind it."

"We pulled her out of a room that isn't all that different from the room she's in now." He shot an apologetic glance at Janet. "Nothin' against your infirmary or the iso rooms, Doc, but the reality of the situation is that for all intents and purposes she's still in that cell on a planet where she's lost hope of a rescue comin' for her."

Dr. Warner scribbled on his notepad. "You believe going topside will be beneficial."

"She's a scientist. She needs the hard data, you understand that? She's lost faith in everything else. She gathers information, collects data and then she sorts it and makes sense of it. Down here, under the mountain, she's confined to a bed, confined to a room made up of cold gray walls and she's a prisoner in her own body because her injuries prevent her from moving around freely. What she needs is tangible evidence that she's not in that cell. I wanna take her topside so she can smell and feel the fresh air, so she can see and feel the sunlight, and I'd like to do it before she pulls so far inside herself that she can't find her way back out."

"And what if it doesn't work?"

Jack doodled on his own notepad for a few moments, gathering his thoughts. "It might not the first few times." He looked up, staring at the man. "She's hangin' on by a thread right now, but the important thing is that she's still hangin' on." He exhaled loudly when Dr. Warner continued to meet his gaze without looking away. "Yeah, I know there're no guarantees. But I also know Carter."

Dr. Warner was silent for a few minutes, considering everything the colonel had said before he finally looked at Dr. Fraiser and nodded. "I agree with your assessment."

Janet breathed a sigh of relief. Her first instinct when Jack had asked her to consider his request had been to grant it without a second thought, but her training had grounded her and insisted she remain rational in the face of her emotions. She walked a fine line with the SGC's frontline team and she knew in certain circumstances it was wise to consult with – and at times defer to her colleague when it came to them.

"Colonel O'Neill, I've spoken at length with Dr. Fraiser concerning your request and after weighing that against our conversation here, I agree with her that your suggestion might benefit Major Carter's recovery. Dr. Fraiser will, of course, have a list of instructions for you to follow, and I'm sure you'll cooperate with her," he said with a smile. He gathered up his things as he glanced at the man seated at the head of the table. "General Hammond, if I may be excused? I have a couple of patients I need to look in on."

The general nodded and tried to maintain his composure in the face of Jack's comical expression. The poor man looked like he wasn't sure what had just happened.

"So Mackenzie wasn't here for Sam?"

"Completely unrelated," he assured the other man.

Jack cleared his throat and shot a look at Janet. "Sorry, Doc. That guy just sets my teeth on edge."

Daniel nodded in agreement. Personally he felt that Mackenzie rushed to judgment, too eager to fit people into the frame of mental illness definitions.

"If I'd felt the need to consult with a psychiatrist in this situation it wouldn't have been Dr. Mackenzie," she assured him. She knew how the entire team felt about the man and she still berated herself for blindly following his diagnosis where Daniel was concerned. Psychiatry wasn't her field of expertise and she had deferred to him out of a desire to help Daniel, but in the end all it had done was alienate him and erected a wall between her and the entire team that had taken time to tear down.

"Then I'm free to take Carter out of the mountain."

It was somewhere between a question and a statement but Janet nodded. "This evening if you'd like. As you said when we talked about this the other day, her sensitivity to light's much better but we don't want to overdo it."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Janet was concerned when Sam showed little interest in what she was doing as she carefully released her leg from the traction device. The colonel was champing at the bit to get things moving along and knowing he'd follow her instructions to the letter in this instance, she was eager to see the two of them leave the infirmary for a while. Jack was well known for ignoring her instructions when it came to himself, but it was the complete opposite when it came to the people under his command.

"This leg's healing very nicely, Sam," she said conversationally as she probed the knee, keeping an eye on the major while searching for tender spots. She hadn't made another sound since that day with the colonel and she'd made no effort to communicate with anyone but him, so she had to rely on visual confirmation when determining if anything she was doing caused pain.

"Your films and MRI came back with promising results. Give it a couple more weeks and we might just have you up on crutches for short amounts of time. I can't promise you'll be as good as new, but I'm gonna get you as close as I can," she promised with a smile. "I know you'll be glad when you're able to move around and of course, bathing yourself goes without question. My nurses appreciate your willingness to cooperate though. Let me tell you, the rest of your team is nowhere near as cooperative." She caught just the barest hint of a smile before Sam ducked her head but she didn't comment, knowing from recent experience that it would only send her friend back into hiding.

It hurt to see Sam in this state, especially when she seemed to be making so little progress outside of physically healing. The incisions where she'd repaired the broken bones had healed and the scarring would be minimal. She moved on to examining her knee and nodded in approval. "Alright, Sam, we're gonna take you out of the traction unit and fit you with a hinged brace. It'll keep your knee immobile and that's very important because we don't want it to sustain any further damage. And no more taking off and putting your weight on it yet. We've been lucky so far and we'll want to keep things moving in that direction, agreed?"

Sam frowned at the contraption the doctor turned and reached for. But in spite of her misgivings she remained unresponsive as Janet and one of her nurses placed her leg in it and adjusted the fit. Confusion set in when they dressed her in a pair of sweat pants and a familiar Air Force tee shirt. She didn't understand what was going on. This was different from every other day and the fact that Jack wasn't there was making her uneasy. She hadn't seen him since lunch that afternoon, something that was highly unusual.

"Okay," Janet said, looking at her nurse with a smile, "I think we're good to go here. Thank you for your help, Leslie."

The lieutenant nodded and glanced at something over the doctor's shoulder, hiding a small smile as she made herself scarce.

The doctor picked up the major's chart and made a few notations. "Sam, the colonel thought you might like to get out of your room for dinner this evening. And I'm sure if that aggravating racket behind me is anything to go by, his patience has worn thin." She chuckled and turned around, shaking her head at the man as he moved the wheelchair back and forth, his weight braced on the hand grips causing the wheels to squeak in protest.

"C'mon, Carter, I'm springin' you from the doc's clutches," Jack said as he moved the chair closer.

Shock was evident on her features but she pushed herself up with her right hand, afraid if she hesitated the moment would pass and she'd once again find herself alone in her cell. Sometimes these moments felt so real, almost like she had stepped outside herself. But she hadn't been able to figure out why her mind insisted on trapping her in this manner. She should at the very least be in control of her own body in these mental escapes. It defied logic.

She didn't express any interest in the conversation going on as she was settled in the wheelchair. Instead, she watched every move Jack made, paying special attention to the ease of his movements as he crouched down in front of her to make adjustments to the footrest on her left side. Not so much as a grimace crossed his features at the added stress on joints that were surprisingly lacking in protest. Her excitement at getting out of her room began to wane as the implications of her discovery settled in.

Had the aliens gotten into her head? She had been so sure they didn't have that particular ability. It would explain certain things though, wouldn't it? She felt her good mood evaporate as that familiar dark cloud of depression overshadowed everything else.

Jack was keeping an eye on Sam while Janet rattled off a list of instructions. He could see her slipping away from him and he was filled with a sudden sense of urgency. He grabbed a light blanket and tucked it in around his major.

"Doc, I've memorized the novel-size list of rules, I know all of your numbers, and I know to call if anything happens."

Janet nodded. "Two hours, Jack."

He grinned unrepentantly. "I'll have her home by curfew, Mom."

She rolled her eyes at him and waved them out of her infirmary. There was a part of Jack O'Neill that was never going to grow up and she wouldn't change that for anything. The fact that he'd managed to hold onto that after all life had thrown at him was something to be cherished. She rubbed her tired eyes and hoped the mountain stayed quiet. She hadn't been home in four days and she was exhausted.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack leaned in and reached across Sam to buckle her seatbelt before easing back to look at her. She wouldn't meet his eyes and that concerned him. "I know you're in there," he said quietly. "This isn't you." He lifted her right hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. "I'm not gonna lose you," he vowed as he stepped back and closed the door.

She wanted to believe this was real but how could she? There were just too many things she couldn't make sense of.

He settled in the driver's seat and shifted to face her. "Okay, just one more thing and we're on our way. Raise your head, Sam." He sighed when that didn't get a response and he wondered what had happened to cause the shift in her mood. He reached over and nudged her chin up so he could slide a pair of sunglasses on her face.

Sam frowned and her fingers came up to trace over the glasses, unintentionally leaving smudges on the lenses. She was trying to make sense of what he had done when he put the truck in gear and a few moments later they were pulling out of the tunnel that housed the entry into Cheyenne Mountain.

It was bright even with the sunglasses and her eyes started to water just enough to make everything slightly hazy for a few minutes before they adjusted and it cleared up. She didn't pay any attention to the brief pause as Jack stopped at the last checkpoint, all of her focus on her surroundings. As he pulled away from the gate and turned onto the old highway, the world exploded into a broad spectrum of color.

Unable to tear her gaze from the scenery, her fingers ran over the door in a search for the power button that controlled the window. Feeling the depression first she followed it to the button and pressed down on it. The sound of the wind rushed past her ears; loud, but not so loud as to be uncomfortable. She could feel the warm air brushing against her skin and she reached out to feel more of it.

Jack smiled as he watched her edge out of her shell, finding joy in something so simple and generally taken for granted by most people. Classical music played softly over the speakers and his fingers kept time with it as they tapped against the steering wheel. He didn't make conversation, giving her time to process what was going on.

She frowned when he turned off of the old highway and the force of the wind slowed considerably. She hadn't given much thought to where they were going and as she looked around she realized she didn't recognize her surroundings.

"You've never been here that I know of," he said when he noticed her expression. "I found it a while back when I was out looking for a place to… fish."

Sam stared at him when he paused before continuing with what she felt was less than the truth. She hadn't missed the way his voice lost momentum before completing the sentence with a lame explanation.

"Okay," he backtracked, "I wasn't out here for that reason. Let's just leave it that I found it while I was driving around." There was no need to tell her he'd cut it too close on a mission while she was missing and after the debriefing he'd needed to get away from the mountain so he could bury the memories as deeply as possible.

She turned her head, shifting her attention back to the view. It wasn't like he'd spent a great deal of time confiding in her over the years they'd served together, but this was different. He was holding something back and for some reason it bothered her.

With an inaudible sigh Jack exited the truck and walked around to the opposite side, opening the back door and grabbing the blanket and picnic basket he'd stored back there before swinging by the infirmary to pick her up. Once he had everything ready he went back for her, snatching a pillow out of the back and pulling her door open to hand her the pillow.

"Hold that," he muttered gruffly before unbuckling her and picking her up. He'd set things up by a tree so that she'd have something to lean back against for support. He knelt down and settled her against the tree before taking the pillow and using it to prop her left leg up. "That's better, huh?" He leaned back and glanced around. "Fresh air, green grass, wildflowers, a fresh mountain stream and trees." He gestured at the trees surrounding them – blue spruce, Douglas fir, ponderosa pine, bristlecone pine and many others. "Let's not forget the trees." He relaxed slightly when that drew a reluctant smile from her. "Okay, let's see if we can put a dent in dinner."

He froze when her right hand stopped him, resting on his knee and squeezing lightly. He wasn't sure what the heck she was doing as she continued to move her fingers over the joint as if she was searching for something. When he shifted to maintain his precarious balance in his current position she looked away and her hand dropped back down to rest at her side.

"There somethin' I need to know about my knees?" He held his hand out to her, hoping she'd accept the invitation to communicate with him.

Sam stared at his hand for several long minutes, surprised when he didn't let it pass and retract it in response to her reticence. She stretched her hand out and her fingers rested tentatively in his palm before beginning to tap out a few words.

" _You're not you."_ She squeezed his knee again before repeating the message.

Jack frowned as he tried to make sense of what she was trying to say. "Not me? I'm not sure what you're sayin'." His frustration mounted when she turned away and shifted her attention to the blades of grass that swayed gently on the breeze. He shook his head and pushed himself up, pausing as he turned to stretch before taking a seat. The freedom of that simple motion suddenly caused several pieces to fall into place and he crouched down next to her again. "Sam, it's me."

She shook her head and continued to focus her gaze anywhere but on him.

"I never realized just how much of a giveaway my knees were. That's what you're talkin' about, isn't it? No creaks, groans or pops when I move?" That drew her blue eyes back to him and he couldn't help the grin that surfaced in response. "I swear I'm me." His grin slipped when he realized she wasn't going to simply take him at his word. "We had a mission go sideways while you were missing." He swallowed hard and this time he was the one to look away. "I took a fatal hit but there was a sarcophagus on the planet."

Sam reached out and cupped his chin in her hand, applying enough pressure to bring his gaze back to her. She needed to see his eyes while he explained.

He cleared his throat and forced his eyes to hers. He hadn't intended to tell her anything about that mission. But he hadn't counted on her noticing the lack of protest coming from his knees either. He couldn't lie to her so he would only tell her the bare minimum, just enough to satisfy her curiosity. The rest was unnecessary.


	11. Chapter 11

**Part 11**

" _We had a mission go sideways while you were missing."_

Jack rubbed a hand over the back of his neck as he tried to figure out what to tell her. P4X-727 hadn't been one of his finest moments. It was a day, a mission he'd like to forget had ever happened. He should've known better than to think that just because they hadn't actually acted on their feelings it didn't mean they could just be left in the room. Had he really thought they could acknowledge their feelings and then just pretend they didn't exist? There was no way that wasn't going to eventually blow up in their faces.

He'd never taken it particularly well when one of his team was injured, but she hadn't been injured on a mission. She hadn't been stuck in the infirmary, healing from injuries sustained while on duty. She'd been missing and after nearly three months they still hadn't had a clue where she'd been taken or what had happened to her. That had been eating away at him, a little more with every passing hour, and he'd only been going through the motions by that point. He shouldn't have been in the field, but he couldn't risk not being out there, so he'd been careful not to give the powers that be any reason to pull him from duty.

He'd royally screwed up on that mission and he knew it. His thoughts were pulled back to the present when he realized Sam was tapping her index finger against his hand in an effort to get his attention. He gave her a small smile and cleared his throat before nodding and shifting so that he was sitting facing her. "The MALP sent back readings indicating the presence of large underground deposits of naquadah and you know how the brass gets about that. There was a village about twelve klicks from the 'gate so we hoofed it out there so Daniel could make nice with the locals." He rubbed the back of his neck unconsciously. "I started getting that feeling you get when things are about to blow up in your face but I couldn't pinpoint it."

Sam studied him, easily detecting the self-recrimination in his tone. He shouldered the responsibility of every mission he led regardless of the outcome and she could tell he wasn't proud of this one.

" _Why?"_

He was pulled back once again by her finger tapping out a question. "Because my focus wasn't on the mission, not as fully as it should've been. At first I thought the _society_ there was just ass backwards."

The way he spit the word out left no doubt in her mind what he thought of them.

"On the surface everything appeared calm and civilized, but we didn't have to look very deep to root out the problem. I'd noticed that the women were subdued, only spoke if they were directly spoken to, never offered anything beyond a brief response, never made eye contact. It just didn't sit right." He turned his hand over under hers and linked their fingers together. "Daniel advised we handle the situation with caution since we didn't know if it was just a cultural thing or something else. I know we've gated to planets where that was the norm but it kept nagging at me and it wouldn't let up. I left Teal'c to keep watch while Daniel talked the council up and I went off on my own to see if I could figure out what was goin' on." He paused when her finger started tapping again.

" _Goa'uld occupied world?"_

"No, there were no signs that they'd been there in a long time and Teal'c didn't sense anything. I couldn't get anyone to talk to me and it wasn't until I was on my way back as darkness fell that I finally turned up something. All of the shops were closing up, people were rushing to clear the streets and there was this feeling of anxiety and fear in the air. A young guy bumped into me and it took me a second to realize he'd done it on purpose. He shoved a piece of paper in my hand and kept going, disappearing between a few shops. The message in the note was brief, just a request to follow him. Daniel had radioed to tell me I needed to get back to the main hall before it got dark, some rule the governing body had set down, but if this guy had somethin' to tell me I sure as hell wasn't gonna risk letting the opportunity pass."

Sam waited patiently when he paused again, longer this time, obviously caught up in his thoughts. With his free hand he absently played with the hinged lid of the picnic basket while the other was occupied, thumb slowly stroking her knuckles. She felt the change in him just before he started to speak again.

"He was nervous, scared, but he was risking severe punishment by talkin' to me, by bein' out after dark. I let Daniel know I was heading back to the inn and the room we'd been offered and he radioed back to let me know he'd gotten the message. His voice was low and tense so I knew somethin' was wrong but I signaled back so he'd know I'd be there as soon as I could. I listened as the guy told me what was going on and…"

He started tensing up so she shifted, moving her good arm so she could cover his hand where it had stilled over hers, and rubbing soothing patterns in an effort to calm him down.

"There was some physiological thing that went way over my head, but it all boiled down to the fact that there hadn't been a girl born there in decades. The women in the village came from other worlds. They were brought in by traders, by…" he shook his head, "slavers that primarily bought, sold and traded women. My objectivity was out the window at that point but that wasn't the worst of it. He told me that nights like that one, when there was no moon and the darkness was impenetrable, the last woman who gave birth would disappear along with a handful of other women. The elders said their god came and took the women, but a few of the villagers had discovered it was a lie." He studied their joined hands for several heavy moments. "The elders claimed they were sacrificing the women to show remorse for their inability to produce a female child. Rogan, the guy that told me what was goin' on, said the people wanted to stop it but they were afraid to defy the elders because their laws dictated such an action was punishable by death. I went off on him, called him a coward and anything else I could think of."

She winced, easily picturing him tearing into the guy, his anger fueled by his fear for her as the story lent images to his imagination. _"What made him come to you?"_

"His wife had recently given birth and she had disappeared earlier that day. Apparently not all of the men in the village treated the women like slaves, but it was forbidden to go near the 'gate so they were given no other option to find a wife. If they wanted one they had to buy or trade for her."

He shook his head in disgust. "There were men willing to fight but they needed someone to lead them so I figured I'd get them organized and turn 'em loose. I knew the threat to Rogan's wife was enough to motivate him; he was scared but he wasn't willing to just stand back while she was killed. I fully intended to show them what to do and step back, let them determine their course from that point on. I radioed Daniel, apprised him of the situation, and ordered him and T to get to the 'gate. The elders all took part in the sacrifice and they were the only form of law so there was no one to stop them from following orders. He tried to argue so I repeated the order and switched to radio silence. It didn't go according to plan."

Jack squeezed his eyes shut as he recalled the scene that had met them as they approached the underground temple where the so-called sacrifice was to take place. Nausea and revulsion had washed through him but the anger had been quick to follow, the red haze of rage blocking everything else out.

"I took the council chief out and…" he swallowed hard. He didn't regret taking that shot and he hadn't regretted it when he learned later that the men from the village had killed the rest of the council. Some crimes just didn't deserve mercy. "There's a block of time after that I can't account for. I've tried to remember but it's just a big blank. I took a staff blast to the chest but I have no recall of it happening. We didn't even know they had weapons of that nature. Doc says there's a good chance I'll never remember." He shrugged. "I could, but apparently the more time that passes without the memories surfacing the less likely it is they'll come back." He just wished there was a way to block that scene before he'd been wounded. It was the kind of thing that, once seen couldn't be wiped from the memory. "We got there before… we got there in time to save Rogan's wife. There were other women that weren't so lucky."

She recognized the expression on his face. She'd seen it more than once over the past few years. Times when everything went wrong and innocents were lost because nothing they had done had been able to stop the bloodshed in time. She shuffled closer to him, cupping his face in her hands and making sure she had his attention before she began to tap against his set jaw.

" _It wasn't your fault."_

"I should've been payin' better attention. If I had we might've been able to save the others." He shifted his eyes to the side. "Anyway, Daniel and T got there in time and luckily the temple housed a sarcophagus. It was just a bonus it took a few years off the knees." He pointed at his head as he forced a smile and tried to make a joke. "Didn't do much about the gray hair comin' in but I figure knees that aren't so rickety more than make up for the oversight."

Sam wished she could take that weight from his shoulders. He was a good man, an honorable man, and he didn't deserve the mountain of guilt he carried.

"It was a mistake for me to be out there," he said, admitting something he knew to be true but hadn't voiced until now. "My head wasn't in the game and I knew it. But I couldn't let them pull me outta the field. Not…"

She reached up to pull the sunglasses off and drop them on the blanket next to her, quickly returning her hand to his face. The sun had shifted, taking the overwhelming brightness with it so she avoided the uncomfortable sensation of sudden exposure. _"Until I'd been found."_

He nodded in response to the question she tapped out against his jaw. "I didn't know where you were, didn't know what'd happened to you, didn't know if you were suffering, didn't know if you were still alive. I didn't know a damn thing except that you were MIA and it was killin' me to feel so… helpless."

She didn't need to hear his tone to know just how much he despised that feeling.

"Almost four and a half months, Sam." He sighed raggedly. "That's a long time to not know if someone you care about is dead, alive, hurt or safe." He shrugged in response to the look she gave him. "Yeah, I know, you've been there and done that." He reached up and covered her hands as he met her gaze directly. "I never fully appreciated what you went through while I was stranded on Edora. I never even thanked you for pullin' that rabbit outta your hat. Hell, I blew you off when you got there." He loosened his grip on her hand when he felt her fingers begin to twitch.

" _You regretted leaving her."_

Jack shook his head. "When you came through the 'gate I'd never seen a sweeter sight. I'd never wanted anything more than I wanted to grab onto you and never let go, but we were still bound by the regs and I knew if I took that step I'd never be able to go back."

" _So you asked her to come back to Earth with you?"_ That had hurt, even more than the way he'd brushed her off.

Even without the benefit of her voice he could practically hear the incredulity in that question. "I felt… I dunno, guilty. The second she told me she'd heard a voice comin' through the radio she knew I was gone. Hell, I was never really _there._ I knew she'd say no when I asked. There wasn't a snowball's chance in hell she'd leave her people. The truth is she knew there was a part of me that would never accept Edora as home… and the bigger truth, she would never have the part of me that was already taken."

" _It wasn't just guilt."_

He winced at her response. "No. No, it wasn't. I was angry. It wasn't just being cut off from Earth, Sam. It was the realization that if you'd been there with me and we were cut off from Earth together it wouldn't have been such a big deal. It was the fact that we had agreed to keep it in the room, that I'd let myself give up, that even if we decided to give us a shot it would taint you and all you've achieved. It was the fact that you managed to save my ass once again and instead of having the guts to do whatever was necessary for us to be together I took the coward's way out and stuck my head in the sand. I was angry and I shoved it down until it just boiled over when I was trying to ferret out the rogue NID operatives. I never meant for that anger to be directed at you but I know that's the way it came out."

Sam could still feel the impact of his words as he lashed out at her, his tone emotionless and cold as he told her that he hadn't been himself since meeting her. She'd buried the pain caused by his response that day, not wanting to revisit it. Staring into his eyes though, she could see she wasn't the only one who had suffered.

"I didn't know how to make that right. I wasn't lying when I said I hadn't been myself since meeting you. That much was true. But using that truth as a weapon to wound you, I've regretted that since the day I said those words. I'm not the same guy that ran black ops in the past. I met you and you brought out a side of me that makes me a better man." He gave her a small smile. "You still do."

She ducked her head and smiled at his admission. She'd refused to let her mind wander too far down that path. She understood why he'd done it, but it had taken a long time to come to terms with it. _"You had to push us away."_

Push them away? Yeah, he'd had to do that. He'd wanted to confide in her and that had been dangerous for so many reasons so he'd gone for the jugular. And when it was all said and done he'd made a show of apologizing to Daniel right in front of her, never once making amends with her. She'd never mentioned it and like everything else it had just been added to that pile of 'things best left unsaid' that they kept sweeping under the rug. "I'm sorry for that and I'm sorry for the way I acted on Edora. And I really appreciate you never giving up on savin' my sorry ass."

" _I'll never give up on you."_

He brought her hands together between his, bringing them to his lips and pressing a kiss to her fingers. "And I won't ever give up on you." He watched her carefully, taking in every nuance of her expression as she studied him. "Eventually you're gonna believe this's real." He smiled and lowered her left hand to rest against her leg when he felt the light trembling running through the tired limb.

Sam wasn't sure what to believe. She knew what she wanted to believe, but she was afraid it would only lead to more disappointment. So much time had passed since the last time her captors had come to drag her out of her cell and she didn't know if that was because they'd abandoned their prisoners or if she had completely lost touch with reality.

Plenty of times throughout her captivity she'd let her mind wander, imagined Jack being so open with her, but in reality she knew he wouldn't cross that line. They'd agreed to leave it in the room. For him to erase the line between personal and professional things would have to change drastically. The imagined times spent together had taken on a life of their own for some time now and he always had an explanation that made sense at the moment, but once she was left alone the doubts crept in once again. She was pulled out of her musings when her stomach growled quietly and her eyes shot up when she heard Jack chuckle.

"C'mon, we'd better put a dent in dinner because it'll be time to head back pretty soon." He shrugged one shoulder as he reached over to flip the lid up on the picnic basket. "I didn't mean to bring you out here and talk your ear off." And he really hadn't meant to go into so much detail about the mission to 727.

" _Why did you?"_

His eyes locked on her hand when she began tapping, repeating the question. "Because it occurred to me that the room you're in could be hindering your recovery. It's not identical to the cell you were in when we found you, but there are enough similarities." He swallowed hard and bit the bullet. "I remember what I went through after Iraq and I thought just maybe some of the stuff that helped me might help you." He lifted his gaze, looking into her eyes and seeing the desire to believe that this moment was real and not just in her head.

His curiosity was piqued when she bit her bottom lip and her fingers twitched indecisively against his palm. "Sam, you can ask or tell me anything. There's nothin' that's off limits. It's just you an' me, no regs."

She nodded and after a few moments her finger began tapping out a few words, the hesitant rhythm taking a little longer for him to decipher.

" _After you threw Hathor into that ice pit…"_

Jack tipped her chin up when she looked down again. "Anytime," he said, shifting until he was close enough to pull her into his arms without putting any strain on her injured body. He felt her good arm come around him, felt her fingers clench in his shirt, the side of her face come to rest against his shoulder and he closed his eyes in relief. "I'm still me, Carter. I'm still me."


	12. Chapter 12

**Part 12**

Jack was watching over Sam as she slept, easily identifying the signs that indicated she was once again being plagued by the nightmares. It worried him that even in sleep she had been conditioned to remain silent. A big part of him never wanted to know what had happened to her while she had been missing, but it couldn't be simply swept under the rug. Not dealing with it would only hinder her recovery and her time as a prisoner was doing enough of that.

A touch while she was in the throes of a nightmare would cause her to wake violently, but even in those moments she never made a sound. He'd discovered a while back that if he could wake her before it got a hold on her mind her reaction was much calmer. But even in sleep she startled easily and if he wasn't careful she came awake fighting. So he'd taken to talking to her when he noticed the nightmares had once more come out. Sometimes she woke and sometimes it simply chased them back into the dark corners of her mind and allowed her to slip back into a restful sleep.

He began to speak now, sharing old stories about time spent at his cabin. It was a place full of memories, a place of comfort and of healing. He had gone there after Iraq, secluding himself and trying to the man he used to be. What he hadn't understood at the time was that he would never be the same; that experience had changed him in ways that could never be undone.

It had taken time before he'd come to terms with it. When he'd first come home he'd been ordered to see a shrink and he'd balked at that. He hadn't wanted to think about his time as a prisoner, hadn't wanted to remember the things that had happened to him, that had been done to him, and while the guy had been sincere and genuinely wanted to help him, he'd only fought it.

Sara had desperately wanted to help him but he'd fought her too. He'd come awake from the nightmares, drenched in sweat, screaming and cursing, and fighting against his abusers. She was a fighter and she'd done everything she could think of to help him, but he'd only seen pity for his weakness and in turn it had made him angry and he'd withdrawn even deeper into himself.

He'd retreated to the refuge of the cabin out of a desire to isolate himself from the world. He'd had no idea how to get back to the man he was before so he'd immersed himself in hiking and fishing, chopping wood and making repairs; physical exertion guaranteed to drop him off into an exhausted sleep each night. It had worked for a while, keeping the nightmares at bay, but in time they had pushed past that barrier as well.

The nightmares had opened the door to the memories he'd been struggling to suppress and they'd crashed in on him, threatening to pull him under and suffocate him. He'd thought he could navigate the emotional minefield created by his imprisonment but he hadn't been able to make heads or tails of his situation. PTSD had screwed his world up and there were days he was certain he was losing his mind.

It was a chance encounter with one of his distant neighbors that had started him on the road to recovery. Retired USAF Captain Wanda Bullard had been living in the area for as long as he could remember. They were casual acquaintances until the day she'd run across him as he cowered against a rocky outcropping. She'd been out walking when a distant shot from a hunter's rifle had sent him scurrying for cover. Having served during the Vietnam War she was familiar with the signs of PTSD.

She was a kind-hearted woman but she was also tough as nails when she needed to be. They had formed a friendship and she'd managed to get him to talk when no one else had succeeded. It hadn't been easy to open up and talk to her, but once she'd shared her own horror story from the war and he'd looked at her as another soldier, it had been a little less difficult.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when a familiar throat cleared lightly to get his attention and he shifted in his chair to look at Janet.

"Hey, Doc."

Janet pushed away from the doorframe. "How's she doing?"

"Deep sixed another nightmare," he said with a brief smile. He watched the doctor as she ran through her routine check. "She's not getting better." He sighed tiredly and slouched down in his chair. "I take her out for an hour or two and I can see her tryin' to surface, ya know? But even then the shadows are there. She's not sure she can trust what she's seein', what she's hearin', what I'm sayin'…" he scrubbed his hands through his hair roughly. "I don't know how to make her understand, Janet."

She could empathize and sympathize with his frustration. There was a difference in Sam when she knew she was escaping the mountain with Jack but that light went out not long after they returned. She had allowed him to leave the mountain with her several times now and each time it ended the same way. "Jack, with something like this it's a matter of time. There's no way to fast track it."

"Yeah, I know. Just doesn't make it any easier." He waited for her to complete her notes before he spoke again. "It's been almost three months since we brought her home." He leaned forward, elbows braced on his knees, nose resting on his clasped hands, and his thumbs hooked under his chin. "I've known people who got lost in their own heads after a traumatic experience and never made it back out. That's not living, it's just existing. And it's an ugly existence. She deserves better than that."

She agreed with him but there was no way to know how Sam's situation was going to turn out. "You're tired, Jack, and you need a break."

"I'm not leavin' her."

"I'm not asking you to. Take an hour, okay? Go get a hot shower and have some dinner. If there are any changes I'll notify you immediately." She held the clipboard pinned to her chest beneath her crossed arms while she waited for him to decide what he was going to do.

"One hour, and that worthless cook had better have somethin' on the chow line that isn't one of his meat surprise dishes."

Janet watched him thoughtfully as he got to his feet and leaned over the bed, checking on Sam to make sure she was sleeping peacefully before leaving the room. He wasn't the only one who had known people who lost themselves to traumatic events and his description of their lives afterwards was accurate.

Her gaze dropped to her friend and she watched her for several minutes as her mind turned over option after option. There had to be something they could do. She just had to figure out what it was.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Daniel knocked lightly on the door to Sam's room, drawing her attention away from the wall she was staring at. It only took a quick glance around to let him know that Jack wasn't at his usual post. "Hey," he greeted with a smile. He waited a few moments, gauging her reaction to his presence before stepping closer to the bed.

"I just got back from P4X-725. The people there call it Cedona." He scrubbed a hand through his short hair, mindless of the fine grains of sand that dusted the floor around him. "I wasn't expecting to be gone for three weeks, but trade negotiations went well. Medicinal plants and mining rights in exchange for agricultural and educational training. I think it's a pretty fair deal. The Cedonans are very respectful of the land so promising to maintain mining operations that observe that was the key to sealing the deal." And he'd already lost her. "So where's Jack?"

Her eyes automatically shifted to land on the empty chair before moving to the doorway behind him. She honestly wasn't paying much attention to what Daniel had to say, more focused on the time as she waited for Jack to return. She looked at the calendar he had brought in and put next to the bed so she could keep track of the days. A thoughtful gesture and one she appreciated as underground it was so easy for time to pass without realizing it. The first week or so he'd crossed the days off as they passed and then one night he'd handed her the marker, pulled a wristwatch out of his pocket and set the alarm before handing it to her, and told her it was her job to mark the days off.

The delusion was becoming so real it was starting to make her nervous. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't separate fantasy from reality. The aliens always returned, bringing with them fear, pain and the knowledge that no matter how hard she fought to escape they would always be there.

"Janet says your physical therapy's been going well," he continued when there was no response to his question. "That's a good sign, huh? Shouldn't be much longer and you'll be able to go home." He shifted and glanced down when he heard the scratchy sound his boots made when they ground the sand against the tiled floor. "Well, I guess I'd best hit the shower before I leave any more of the desert on the infirmary floor. I just wanted to check on you before I head into the debriefing and get busy working on my mission report."

Sam's gaze moved to him and her fingers twitched.

His eyebrows shot up and he went over what he'd just said, trying to pinpoint what had captured her attention. "Okay, something about that interested you." He felt like he was tripping over himself, unable to think straight. It was the first time she'd shown any indication that she was aware of his existence and he couldn't seem to figure out what to say. The wrong thing could easily send her right back into hiding.

He couldn't imagine the mention of a shower had captured her interest so it was either the debriefing or his mission report. "You wanna know about the mission?" _Okay, that was a definite no_ he thought when she started to look away again. "The debriefing?" Strike two. She started to tap her forefinger against her leg, but she was no longer looking at him. He was quickly losing her and he had a feeling if he didn't get it right this time he was going to miss his opportunity to gain a foothold in this situation. He scrambled over what he'd said; trying to remember exactly what it was that had sparked her interest.

"The mission report should be a breeze, things went smoothly for once." And her attention was focused on him once again. His hand shot up and he quickly shooed the nurse off when she came by to check on Sam. "She's busy, come back later." His eyes never left his friend, paying no mind to the nurse or her expression of annoyance at being brushed off.

"You wanna hear about the mission to Cedona? Their culture is reminiscent of…" he trailed off when her eyes began to wander again and he dropped his gaze to her hand, locking on the finger that was once again tapping. "Okay, you're gonna have to help me out here, Sam." He risked moving closer to her, reaching out to pull the rolling stool over and taking a seat rather than just sitting in the chair Jack normally occupied. "There's something about mission reports that you're interested in, but I don't know what it is."

The finger tapping began once again and he kicked himself for missing it. It was the way she had been communicating since she'd been found, but until now she hadn't made the attempt with anyone other than Jack. He concentrated on the movement of her fingers and he swallowed hard when he recognized the planet designation.

P4X-727. It was a planet he'd just as soon forget existed. "I guess Jack must've talked to you about that mess." He waited for her to give him more but her fingers only moved to spell out the planet's designation over and over again. "You want the mission report for 727," he guessed and couldn't control his surprise when she shook her head. He knew he was on target with the report, her reaction earlier confirmed it, so why was she backtracking now? "Help me out here, Sam. I know which mission you wanna know about and the mission report…" his eyebrows lifted and he shook his head. "He's already shown you the report. Um-hmm, so it's not the mission report you want at all, is it?"

She shifted on the bed and tipped her head to one side as she studied him. He knew what she wanted and it was the one thing he wouldn't want to hand over. Not to her or anyone else.

"My mission journal." He'd never allowed anyone to read his mission journals. They contained a myriad of thoughts and emotions, opinions and ideas, and he didn't hold back as he released those things on paper. The action allowed him to put everything that had happened down so he could sort the events out and focus on just the pertinent information for his official mission reports. He'd quickly learned that the military had no use for anything beyond the cold hard facts.

"Sam, if Jack talked to you about that mission then you know it got pretty ugly. The last thing you need from me is a blow by blow account of what transpired on that planet." And there were things in his mission journal that were personal; thoughts and feelings that didn't need to be known by anyone other than him. Things he'd needed to work through before sitting down and writing his report.

He jumped when someone bumped into him and he stared at Jack, wondering how he still managed to sneak up on him after all the time they'd spent together.

"I heard you were comin' back today. Hammond said it went well and everyone's happy with the agreement you hammered out."

"Jack."

"Daniel."

"Sam was asking about 727."

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "She's been catching up on mission reports." He waved a hand dismissively and ambled over to take his usual seat. He looked down at the cup of coffee he held and grimaced when Daniel continued.

"Mission reports are one thing." He shot a quick glance at Sam. "Mission journals are something altogether different."

"I'm sure there was an unflattering comment or two about me after 727 that went in your diary but if – "

He knew the comment was meant to annoy him and no matter how many times Jack put it out there he couldn't just sit back and not rise to the bait. "It's not a diary," he growled through clenched teeth. And it wasn't just the unflattering comments, of which there were more than one or two. It was the concern that while Jack wasn't suicidal he was going to end up getting himself or one of them killed because he wasn't as focused as he needed to be.

He'd been conflicted for a couple of months prior to the mission to 727. Jack had been getting increasingly edgier, taking chances without exercising caution, and they'd gotten into more than one heated argument over it, even nearly coming to blows on the previous mission. He'd known Jack wouldn't deliberately do anything to get them injured or killed, but he wasn't thinking rationally. He'd been waging a silent war within himself, knowing he should go to General Hammond and express his concerns, but at the same time certain that taking away Jack's chance to find Sam would destroy him.

Jack had gone to bat for him when he'd needed to be assigned to SG-1 so he could find Sha're and there were plenty of people who had questioned the colonel's request as well as the general's decision to allow it. He'd known nothing about being on a frontline team. There were so many things that had gone wrong and so many more that could've gone wrong, especially the first couple of years.

He'd known Jack O'Neill as a man who had lost the will to live and he'd seen him come back swinging. He had no desire to ever again meet the man he'd first gone through the 'gate with. And he'd had no doubt that if he went to Hammond the general would have had no choice but to pull Jack from the rotation, a decision that would've effectively choked the life out of him.

"Daniel?"

His head jerked to the side and he stared at Jack for a few moments. "I'm not handing over my mission journal, Jack. It's personal and everything that was pertinent was put in my mission report."

"Guess he's not gonna hand it over." Jack shrugged at Sam, hoping his relief wasn't visible on his face. He could imagine what Daniel had written in his journal and he didn't really want her to read it. He'd gotten glimpses of the entries on occasion, usually unintentionally, and they were completely raw and uncensored. The archeologist poured his heart and soul into the written word and after missions he retreated to his office to get it all down while it was still fresh. It had taken him months to teach Daniel how to write a mission report, strictly sticking to the facts and leaving the emotion and unnecessary information out.

"I'm sorry, Sam." Daniel shook his head regretfully. If she had asked for anything else from him he would've jumped on it, but he felt like it would do more harm than good for her to read it.

Sam turned her head to the side to stare at the wall.

"Jack, I…"

Jack held a hand up and shook his head. "Don't be, Danny. Under normal circumstances she'd never ask for it and she knows you'd never give it up. You're stayin' true to form and that's what she needs right now."

Daniel nodded and hooked his thumb over his shoulder. "Well, I'd better hit the showers so I can get my mission report started before Janet's ready to leave for the day." He glanced at Sam but wasn't surprised when she didn't acknowledge him. His eyebrows lifted when Jack got to his feet and motioned to the door.

In the hallway Jack leaned back against the wall and looked at him. "She communicated with you, that's a good sign."

"I hope so."

"It is. That's the first attempt she's made at communicating with anyone that wasn't me."

"Janet said her physical therapy's going well."

He didn't comment on the change in subject. "Yeah, her arm's comin' along pretty good and her leg's not far behind. She's been up on crutches a couple of times but her balance isn't that great yet so we're still workin' on that."

"Jack – "

"I know you've got that report to get to so I won't hold you up," Jack interrupted. He could see the wheels turning in Daniel's head and he instinctively knew he didn't want to hear it.

He nodded, deciding now wasn't the time to pursue this discussion.

Left alone once again, Jack returned to his chair and scooted closer to the bed. "It's good you talked to him, but did you really think he was gonna hand over his mission journal?"

Sam sighed quietly but didn't move to face him. It didn't make sense. Daniel should've handed over the journal. He wasn't real and she'd gone over the scene dozens of times in her head. The aliens couldn't know that he wouldn't hand over his journal, not even to a close friend. Unless they did have the ability to get into her head, and in that event, her ability to even control her own thoughts was out of her hands.

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Janet looked up from the paperwork she was filling out when knuckles rapped on the doorframe in a familiar staccato rhythm. Jack was waiting for her to acknowledge him and she motioned for him to come inside. He ambled in and dropped down on the couch that took up one of the walls.

"What's on your mind?"

"The weather."

It was an unexpected answer. She set her pen down and met his serious gaze directly. "The weather?"

"It won't be long before it turns and the temperatures start dropping and taking her outta the mountain for a couple hours to get some fresh air's not gonna be an option. I checked the weather report and we're good to go out today but we won't be able to stay out long before it starts getting too cool for her to be out."

She nodded in understanding and waited for him to continue. Sometimes it was important to wait Jack out and let him get around to what he needed to say in his own time.

"The days are getting shorter too." He got to his feet and started to pace. "There's nowhere in the mountain she can see daylight and she needs that exposure, Doc. Above ground we make progress. It's when we're back in the mountain that we lose ground."

She leaned back and crossed her arms. "Why do you think that is?"

He tapped his right temple. "Because once we get back inside she's a prisoner again. I need more than a couple of hours at a time if we're gonna get past that mental block."

"So you want me to…?"

"Release her and let me take her home. It's past time and she wants to go home."

"And she told you this?"

"You damned well know she didn't tell me," Jack bit out. "Your specialist said her not talking isn't a physical thing which means it's either mental or emotional trauma, which you suspected anyway. Now, she's been cleared so I'm taking her home. With or without your approval."

"You forget, Jack, you're not a colonel anymore; you have no authority here and even when you did I wouldn't allow you to walk out of this mountain with one of my patients without my authorization."

"She can handle light and she's doing a lot better with loud sounds. You said when she started readjusting you'd release her. She's put most of the weight back on, she's eating solid food without any problems and she's up on crutches. Granted, her balance is still a little iffy most days but we're workin' on that. And she's makin' progress." He turned and pointed at her. "You even said so the other day."

Janet tried to stifle the smile that was threatening to break free as she shifted and reached out to push the forms she'd been working on across the desk. "Would you take a look at these for me?"

"Doc, this's serious." He rolled his eyes when she gave a pointed nod and he leaned over to snatch the folder up off of the desk. He scanned over the first page and glanced at her over the top. "Okay, so what? It's an update on Sam's file…" he flipped the top page over and he took a couple of steps back so he could sit on the couch again. He read through the report and recommendation twice more before he dropped it to rest on his thigh and looked at her. "You're ready to turn her loose."

"With the provision that she either stays with someone or that someone stays with her. She's not ready to be released without supervision. She's getting better and her recovery's come quite a ways since we brought her home, but there are still a few factors that prevent me from giving her a full release."

"So what you're sayin' is I can take her home." He looked at her for confirmation.

"All it needs is General Hammond's signature, but that's a formality. He's aware of my intention to release her and he agrees with my assessment. I'll be putting a schedule together for her physical therapy and follow up appointments, and I don't want her missing a single one of them."

"You're really gonna release her." He couldn't stop the grin that threatened to split his face in two.

"She's scheduled for an MRI on her knee tomorrow morning, but after that she's all yours." She leaned forward when he stood and handed the file back to her. "Now, get out of my office and let me finish the paperwork so you can take her home tomorrow."

He was out the door and heading for Sam's room before she had even finished speaking.


	13. Chapter 13

**Part 13**

Daniel pushed his glasses up and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing when he released his grip and the pressure behind his eyes eased. It was a short-lived relief but it helped for a few blessed moments. He couldn't get that earlier meeting with Sam out of his mind. Why had she asked for his mission journal? He scrubbed a hand through his hair and tried to focus his bleary gaze on the report he'd been staring at for the past two hours.

"You're tired."

He turned his head when a pair of hands settled on his shoulders and started to rub at the knots of tension there. He shot a glance at his watch before looking at his wife. "Yeah. I haven't gotten much done. I guess I'll leave it and work on it tomorrow."

"What's bothering you?"

He pulled his glasses off and dropped them next to the computer. "Sam asked for my mission journal for 727." He sighed heavily and shook his head. "I just couldn't hand it over."

"Daniel, she knows that."

"That's what Jack said."

She moved around him, leaning back against his table so she could look at him. "What?"

"He says it's a good sign."

"You don't agree?"

"I don't know. He said she knew I wouldn't hand it over, you say she knew it, but if that's true, why would she ask?" He took her hand in his and looked up at her. "I can't seem to find a way to communicate with her on a level that's getting us anywhere."

"Daniel, she's been through a traumatic experience that we have no way of understanding. We don't even know what exactly she went through. Right now Jack's the only one who's making any progress with her."

He nodded and reached around her, shuffling papers and tablets just to have something to occupy his hands. "She trusts him."

"And you think because of her inability to really communicate with you that's indicative of a lack of trust."

He paused a moment before shrugging. "Don't you?"

"No. I think it's natural that she'd gravitate to him, especially in this situation. I'm only speculating, but with what we can assume she went through based on her injuries and her current unwillingness to vocalize, a lot of her survival probably hinged around retreating into herself. It makes sense that she'd choose Jack to focus on in that situation. She needed something to hold on to, something to keep her sanity in check, and as childish as he can be at times, he's also a rock solid anchor for the people he cares about."

"I hadn't really thought about it like that." He was silent for a few minutes as he mulled over what she had said. She was right, and this was Sam and Jack they were talking about. "Yeah."

"C'mon, you can do your report tomorrow."

"Dinner at home with you and Cassie sounds good."

Janet laughed. "Anything that isn't an MRE probably sounds good right now."

"I won't argue with that."

She shook her head when he picked up a couple of books. "You might as well leave those here. You won't get the chance to crack the covers."

He glanced up at her and smirked at the twinkle in her eyes. "You're probably right about that too."

"No probably about it, Doctor."

There was no point disagreeing with her on that subject either so he set the books to the side where they would be easily accessible when he came in the next morning. The fact that she was waiting on him let him know she was already finished for the day and ready to go so he grabbed what he needed and shoved it in his bag so they could leave. He'd just have to figure out a way to communicate with Sam that would help her. He was sure it was there if he could just find it.

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Jack bounded into the infirmary the following morning after grabbing a shower and giving Janet's staff time to get Sam ready. She had been more subdued than usual after Daniel's visit but he had put that down to her trying to sort things out. He glanced around, looking for Sam and frowning when he didn't see her. He checked his watch, certain he wasn't wrong about the time she'd been scheduled for the MRI. She should've been finished and released back to her room but she hadn't been there so he'd gone straight to the infirmary.

 _The infirmary that was strangely unoccupied,_ he thought as he realized there was no activity whatsoever. He hurried back to Janet's office and found it dark, indicating that she hadn't made it in yet. Rounding the corner he checked Captain Vaughn's office. The light was on but the captain was nowhere to be seen. Okay, that was weird.

He was reaching for one of the phones when he heard the strike of boots in the corridor and he turned just as an airman rounded the corner. The younger man snapped to attention. "Sir, Captain Vaughn has requested your presence immediately."

He motioned for the airman to lead the way and then followed him at a fast clip. At the lab that contained the MRI unit he dismissed the junior officer and went inside.

"Doc, you in here?" he called out as he entered the lab.

Captain Vaughn responded right away. "We're here, Colonel."

He followed her voice to the office set up outside the MRI unit and paused in the open doorway. "What's up, Doc?"

"I've got one very unhappy major on my hands and I thought maybe you could help me out."

"She didn't want the MRI done, huh?"

"That would be an understatement. The last few times we've sedated her but Dr. Fraiser wanted to see if we could do it without sedation today. Unfortunately, Major Carter isn't having any of that. Everything was fine until we entered the room. She took one look at the machine and she balked."

Jack nodded and leaned back to look in the direction Captain Vaughn pointed. Sam had found the darkest corner in the otherwise empty room and was attempting to become part of the wall. "Lemme see what I can do, Doc."

She smiled and opened up one of the files she had brought with her. She had anticipated having a difficult time this morning and the major hadn't disappointed. It didn't take long before her gaze was drawn to them though, and she did her best to be unobtrusive as she observed them.

He slowly made his way across the room, hands stuck in his pockets. He leaned back against the wall, careful not to crowd her. "Whatcha doin', Carter?"

She looked at him and he could see the trapped look in her eyes.

"Figured you'd be outta here by now." He nodded when that only got a shrug in response. "It's the MRI machine, right? Makes you feel trapped?" He waited a few minutes before he moved a little bit closer. "Doc wants to get you through this without the sedative but she's gonna need your help to do that."

Sam shook her head.

"What if I hang around?"

Her eyes darted to the office where Captain Vaughn was working on reports.

"She'll let me stay with you. We get this outta the way I can bust you outta here. Huh?" He reached over to give her a gentle nudge, careful not to unbalance her. "C'mon, whaddaya say? We don't have to come back until your next P.T. appointment."

Her eyes locked on him when he dangled that offering in front of her. They could leave the mountain and not have to come back in a couple of hours? That hadn't been allowed up to this point so what was different about today?

He held his hand out when she motioned for it.

" _Where?"_

"Where?" Jack echoed.

" _Where are we going?"_

He grinned. "Anywhere you wanna go," he said, assuming 'home' would be the answer. His eyebrows shot up and he asked her to repeat herself when she tapped out her response.

" _Minnesota."_

"After all the times I've pestered you to go to the cabin with me and you've turned me down, now you wanna check it out?"

She shrugged one shoulder.

Janet would have his ass for taking her patient out of state. "I can probably wrangle a few days outta Janet for a trip." He nodded when she gave him a pointed look. "I'll be right back." He hurried back over to the office where Captain Vaughn was working on reports. "Hey, Doc, what time's Janet supposed to be in?"

She smiled and pointed to his left. Janet had come in while he was busy with Major Carter and she was certain the doctor had heard enough of their conversation to know what he was about to ask.

"Minnesota, Jack? Really?"

"Just for a few days… a week, tops, and then I'll bring her right back."

"I don't think a sixteen hour drive is wise at this point."

"Okay, but we can do it in less than half that if we fly. Not a commercial flight," he tossed out before she could veto the idea. "I doubt cooping her up on a plane with a bunch of people would be a good idea, but I've got a buddy who owns his own plane and there're plenty of times I've borrowed it to fly up to Minnesota."

Janet watched him for several minutes, wondering how his mother had ever been able to say no to him. "We don't want to wait a week between P.T. sessions. She's making good progress and we don't want that interrupted. She's due for her next session on Wednesday afternoon."

"So as long as I have her back in time for P.T. we can go?"

"Yes, you can go." She held up a hand before he could say anything. "But you're not going anywhere until that MRI scan is done and I can make sure everything still looks good."

"Not a problem, I've got it covered."

She shook her head when he left without another word.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack hadn't wasted any time once Janet had given him the green light. He'd made arrangements to borrow the plane and made quick work of packing up the things they'd need for a few days. A quick phone call and he'd had a local he trusted heading out to air out the cabin and stock it up with enough groceries to get them through.

He glanced over at Sam when she stirred, shifting around and sitting up to look out at the scenery below. "If we'd made it a couple weeks earlier the trees would've just turned and it'd look like a sea of fall colors. It's an amazing sight, especially from up here." He altered their course slightly and began to descend. "Maybe we'll catch it next year."

Less than fifteen minutes later they had landed at a small airfield. Jack had arranged to have a rental vehicle waiting for them so as soon as he disembarked from the small plane he ran over to the office to take care of the details for the plane and get the keys for the truck. Jogging across the lot he paused at the truck to crank it up, turn the heat on and adjust the seat for Sam.

"Okay," he said as he pulled her door open, "you're gonna wanna put that coat on because the wind's got a bite to it." And it looked like it could start raining at any time. He looked up at the sky as he released the shoulder harness. It was a good thing he'd arranged to have supplies laid in at the cabin because it looked like the weather might be taking a turn for the worse. He shoved that thought aside because if they got stuck in Minnesota for longer than the four days Janet had allotted them there was going to be hell to pay.

Sam released the lap belt and shuffled around to put on the coat he pulled from the back while he lifted her crutches down and propped them up against the side of the plane. She hadn't wanted to wear it in the plane because it had made the confined space feel even smaller, and the cabin had been warm enough that it hadn't been necessary.

He helped her maneuver around without banging her left leg on anything and then provided a guiding hand while she eased herself down to the ground. He enjoyed doing things for her, no matter how small, but he also realized it was important for her to do things for herself. Her right hand shot out and grabbed a handful of his coat and he automatically reached out to steady her with a hand at her waist before she could put too much weight on her damaged knee.

"You good?" he asked when he felt her grip easing up.

She nodded and adjusted her weight on the crutches when he held them out for her one at a time.

"Okay," he looked up when something wet hit his hand, "looks like we're gonna get some rain so we'd better get a move on." He grabbed their bags and shouldered the door shut before shadowing her to the truck. He stayed close enough to catch her if she lost her balance but far enough away to avoid crowding her.

Sam wrapped her hand around the grab bar when Jack opened the passenger's side door, waiting for him to take the crutches and letting him help her inside. The interior was warm and roomy, giving her plenty of room to stretch her leg out. She hadn't had an excessive amount of space in the cabin of the small plane, but she didn't care. She was free of the confines of the small gray room and there wasn't a concrete cinderblock in sight.

"How's the leg?"

She smiled and nodded. It had started to ache but she didn't want to think about that right now.

He studied her for a few seconds. The lines of pain were visible on her face, but he'd been around her long enough to recognize the signs that indicated it was reaching unbearable levels. "So the pain's manageable right now?" He chuckled when she didn't respond, certain she was worried a single complaint might somehow put an end to their getaway. "I'll take that as a yes. Once we get to the cabin you can soak it while I throw somethin' together for dinner."

She exhaled slowly, the sound revealing her relief. He understood. She closed her eyes and dropped her head back against the headrest, listening to him loading their bags, the sound muted by the heater and the stereo that had been turned on. The volume was low, the preset on a station that played classical music, and she wondered absently if he liked any other genre. Daniel had told her once he also listened to opera on occasion but she hadn't been sure if he was pulling her leg at the time or not.

She didn't know about opera, but the classical was kind of soothing. It was soothing enough that between the rhythm of the tires on the wet asphalt and the music playing in the background it didn't take long for her to doze off.

Nearly an hour later Jack guided the truck over the rutted dirt road that only smoothed out when he reached the turnoff for the cabin. He'd spent weeks working on his driveway after P3X-562, smoothing it out and filling in holes. The encounter with the Crystal Unity had thrown him off kilter and he'd needed time to regroup. He'd wanted to disappear for a while after being stranded in Antarctica but with a broken leg that had been out of the question. Then there was that whole black hole experience and coming face to face with Frank Cromwell again. He'd gone back to the cabin and finished the driveway project he'd started. It had been productive and therapeutic both times.

The gravel crunched under the tires but even with the noise disturbing the quiet inside the cab of the truck, Sam didn't stir. He pulled up close to the front door and left the engine running while he carried their bags inside and turned the bed in his room down. He got a fire going out in the main room, adjusted the thermostat, and then went back for her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Comfort and warmth. For the first time in longer than she could remember she awoke to the dual sensations. She sighed quietly and snuggled deeper into the comforter, inhaling the combined scents of wood smoke, laundry detergent and something else that was uniquely Jack O'Neill. It was a soothing combination and she shifted, already drifting off again when something nudged at the back of her mind.

She came awake by degrees, slowly surfacing to full consciousness. She blinked owlishly as she lifted her head to peer blearily around the room. It was dark but muted light from the door that had been left partially open allowed her to make out the shadowy outlines of the furniture in the room. It took a few minutes before her memory kicked in and she realized where she was. She had never been to his cabin in spite of the many times she'd been invited. Teal'c hadn't been terribly impressed and Daniel had avoided it like the plague. Rumor was there were no fish in the lake and while it had become a running joke she knew it didn't really bother Jack. Maybe there were no fish, maybe it was just the art of fishing that he found so relaxing. She didn't know and in the grand scheme of things it didn't really matter.

With the job they had it only made sense that someone like Jack O'Neill would find satisfaction in the simple art of being still and enjoying the serenity provided by nature. She knew how he was though. He would oversimplify it, say he just enjoyed being lazy, but she knew him and she knew better than to fall for that act. She went along with it because it seemed to give him some sort of perverse pleasure to know people thought he was dense, but he knew she didn't buy his act. A lot of people did and it fascinated her just how many people thought he had made it to the rank of Colonel being as stupid as they believed he was. Really, it just revealed how stupid they were, and somehow she had a feeling that was part of what made it so amusing for him.

As she became more aware of her surroundings other things began to filter in: the smell of food cooking, the flickering of light against the partially open door, and the muted sound of music playing. She winced when there was a sudden metallic clatter as what sounded like a lid was dropped and bounced around before coming to rest and interspersed with that racket was the familiar voice of one Colonel Jack O'Neill cursing a blue streak in low tones. The noise brought a smile to her face and she sat up, eager to explore this new location.

She reached out for the lamp, feeling around for the switch and quickly locating it. Soft light flooded the room and she looked around curiously. Her crutches were within easy reach so she grabbed them and carefully swung her injured leg over the side of the bed so she could get to her feet. She shifted her weight, adding just a bit more to her left leg to test her pain level, and determining that it wasn't unbearable.

Looking down at herself she realized she was still dressed. Only her coat and boots had been removed. Socks covered her feet and she decided that was good enough for now. She began the slow process of hopping across the room, carefully balancing and using the tip of one crutch to push the door the rest of the way open. She located the bathroom easily enough and after a brief stop she set off in the direction of the racket that had died down just as quickly as it had started.

Being mobile helped a great deal but being free of the confines of the gray walls that had essentially held her prisoner made all the difference in the world. And on top of that she didn't have to go right back after just a few hours of freedom. She found her way into the comfortable living area and paused long enough to regain her balance, using the doorframe for support, before giving the room a cursory glance and then continuing on to the kitchen.

Jack was stirring something in a pot, humming along with the music playing on the radio on the counter. A closer look identified the music as a CD and she shook her head when she realized that he did indeed listen to opera. His feet were bare beneath the frayed hem of his jeans and his gray standard issue Air Force tee shirt stretched taut across his shoulders as he worked. She still didn't understand how she could conjure up a scene so completely at odds with their actual working relationship and still find herself unable to speak or move about freely. There had to be a logical explanation, but try as she might, she hadn't yet figured it out.

Colonel Jack O'Neill took care of the people under his command, but this went above and beyond even for him. Yes, she knew there were times in the past when he'd taken Daniel home with him, fussed over him to some extent while taking care of him after a mission that went to hell or when he was injured. He liked to take Teal'c out to expose him to some of their culture – ice hockey, fishing, and other events the Jaffa had yet to embrace. And he'd even tried to get her to go to the cabin with him… he'd ask, she'd come up with some reason why she couldn't go, and then she'd kick herself for saying no all the while rationalizing the fact that saying yes just wasn't an option and they both knew it.

It wasn't unusual for him to hover around the infirmary when any of them were injured, getting underfoot and driving Janet and her staff crazy until he was sure they were going to be alright. It was something he did for all of them, something they did for him – they just did it without making infirmary personnel want to toss them out on their ass, and there was never any question if one of the team would be there when they woke up from an injury. How many times over the years had she woken up in the infirmary and found him hanging around, waiting for her to regain consciousness? More often than not it was him and not Daniel or Teal'c. Most of the time she was aware of his presence before her eyes even opened. He had a tendency to play with anything within reach out of boredom and rather than finding that habit annoying it was somehow endearing.

"C'mon over here and take a load off," he invited.

Her eyebrows lifted when he spoke without turning to look at her. She didn't know why she was surprised. It was next to impossible to sneak up on him and it wasn't like she had been trying. It annoyed her that crossing a room and lowering herself into a chair took three times longer than it normally did. He glanced over his shoulder at her then went right back to what he was doing and she was grateful that he understood. He'd been there, she reminded herself. More than once he'd been the injured party; stuck on crutches, trapped in a cast or confined to a bed. Sometimes the best thing a person could do for an injured friend was to just keep things normal. It was harder when there were feelings that went deeper than friendship, but the healing process could be stifling and isolating, and too much hovering only made it worse. He got that. They weren't just a man and a woman, they were soldiers, and the years spent together had given them insights they wouldn't have otherwise had.

Jack carried a couple of bowls over to the table and placed one in front of her. "I figured you'd be hungry seeing as you haven't eaten since breakfast and it's nearly 2300."

Sam turned to look at the windows, only now realizing it was dark outside. She hadn't realized she'd slept so long. She remembered checking the time when they landed… seven hours ago, and she remembered getting in the truck, but after that there was nothing. She had made it to the truck under her own steam, but getting from the truck to the cabin and then to the bed, she knew she hadn't done that herself.

"Soup and sandwiches seemed like a safe bet," he said as he returned to the table with the plates. He grabbed drinks for them and then dropped down in his chair. "It started to snow a couple hours ago and it hasn't showed any signs of letting up anytime soon. You know Doc's gonna make me pay if we get snowed in up here and you miss your next P.T. session." He nodded as he picked his sandwich up. "Big needles, Carter, the woman likes big needles."

She wanted to laugh but the memory of what happened if she made a sound held her back and she settled for a smile instead. She tried to cover it by picking up half of the sandwich and biting into it. The cheese was hot and oozed between the slices of grilled bread to land on the plate. The flavor was unlike anything she'd ever tasted and her eyebrows lifted as she ran a fingertip over the edge of the bread and chewed thoughtfully.

"It's good, huh?" He grinned. "Beer bread. Doc didn't say anything about no alcohol in the food."

Sam took another bite and then glanced around the kitchen, her eyes resting on the stove and the knob that controlled the oven for a few moments before moving back to him with a questioning look.

He shrugged. "It's easy enough to make and if you're gonna eat soup you need somethin' to go with it that'll fill you up."

" _I didn't know you could actually cook."_

Jack couldn't stop the smug look at her comment. Maybe she wasn't actually vocalizing her thoughts yet, but he could tell she was impressed by her expression alone. "I know, you thought I only knew how to grill." He shook his head. "Mom wouldn't stand for that. She raised us by herself for the most part. Dad was career military and he was tough but he liked to have fun. I guess because he wasn't there very often he tended to be the 'fun' parent and Mom was the one who just ruined all the fun. I didn't learn to appreciate her until years later. My dad passed away before we became teenagers and she had her hands full but she still kept us in line."

" _We?"_

He looked up at her when she tapped a finger against the tabletop. "I've got a younger brother." His fingers toyed with the edge of the plate. "Or at least I did. He followed me around from the time he could walk, wanted to do everything I did, which I thought was pretty cool. He was smart, loved science, and he geeked out over stuff the way you and Daniel do. His thing was rocks though. Kid just couldn't get enough of 'em. Wanted to be a geologist."

Sam watched him, studying every nuance of his expressions as he talked about his brother. He'd never really talked about his family and they'd all respected his boundaries, not prying into his personal life. He just wasn't the kind of man who talked about… she frowned. No, he didn't. Jack O'Neill wasn't prone to just sharing personal information like this with anyone, and least of all her.

He shook his head. "Followed me into the military as soon as he was old enough, figured he'd serve his country and have college all taken care of so he could pursue his dream and six months outta Basic he was killed in a training accident.

It wasn't real, she reminded herself. It was more of the fantasy her mind had dredged up to maintain her sanity during her imprisonment. That's all it was, so what was the harm in reaching out to him? What was the harm in playing along? Obviously she was in serious danger of getting lost in the realm of fantasy because every day it felt a little more real.

Jack looked up when she reached across the table and rested her hand over his. He didn't know why he'd shared that story. He couldn't even remember the last time he had talked about his brother.

She'd be the first to admit she'd been surprised by his easy acceptance of Daniel. When she'd met the archeologist and observed the interaction between him and the colonel she hadn't been able to figure it out. He hadn't struck her as a man who would willingly put up with someone like Daniel, someone so far outside of the military mindset. And he'd completely blown her assumptions of him out of the water when he'd fought to have the archeologist assigned to his team. _"Daniel reminded you of him."_

He gave her a half smile and squeezed her hand. "I've never seen him as a substitute or anything, but yeah, he does remind me of," he swallowed hard, "Charlie." He shrugged one shoulder when she looked at him. "My son was named after my brother," he explained in response to her silent question. He got up slowly and carried his bowl and plate to the sink. "Couldn't protect either of them," he muttered quietly.

She could only assume he hadn't meant to verbalize that last thought, much less speak it aloud. He carried so much weight on his shoulders, more, she knew, than he'd ever share. No, maybe he hadn't been able to protect his son or his brother, but there were so many occasions she had witnessed him fight with everything he had to protect the people under his command. There was something special about Daniel, there had been since the beginning, but now the colonel's reaction to situations where the archeologist was threatened, in danger or believed lost to them made even more sense.

Ernest's planet where Daniel had been so blinded by his thirst for knowledge that he hadn't wanted to leave in spite of the threat of being cut off from Earth and possibly losing his life. Nem's planet, where they had been implanted with false memories that had allowed them to return to Earth thinking he was dead. The aftermath of his encounter with Hathor. Leaving him behind on the ship, wounded and dying, as they raced to save Earth from an invasion led by Apophis. The nightmare he'd endured on the Gamekeeper's planet as he was forced over and over again to relive his parent's deaths. Shyla's planet where he'd become addicted to the sarcophagus and his subsequent battle with withdrawal. Finding his wife pregnant by Apophis and having to deliver the child. Being diagnosed as schizophrenic after being infected by Machello's devices. Losing his wife to a staff blast in order to save his life.

Of course, on the flipside of that same coin, she'd also observed the way Daniel reacted to situations where the colonel was the one being threatened or put in danger in some way. He'd been there for Jack, had been allowed to be there for him. After they'd lost Kowalski to a goa'uld and the colonel had ended the soldier's life to protect Earth, to save him. After the Crystal Unity duplicated him and returned to Earth, searching for a way to heal him, and bringing the colonel face to face with his ex-wife and the child he'd buried. Nem's planet and the guilt he'd harbored at leaving Daniel behind. His experience of being turned into a jaffa at Hathor's hands. His guilt at leaving Daniel to die on Apophis' ship. The disturbing memories he'd been forced to live again and again on the Gamekeeper's planet. The aftermath of their visit to D.C. and having to deal with the death of a nosy reporter he believed had been killed to protect the Stargate secret. Having the repository of the Ancients downloaded into his brain and losing more and more of himself with every passing hour.

There were dozens more missions she could easily recall, but the first couple of years had provided more than enough to keep them supplied with nightmares for several lifetimes. She wondered if Daniel knew that Jack had at one time had a younger brother. He'd never mentioned it but she had a feeling he probably knew about him, just not that he reminded Jack of him. Then again, Daniel was very perceptive. She wouldn't be surprised if he'd figured it out and just kept that information to himself.

Over and over again she had observed the two of them and yes, she'd envied the closeness they shared without censure, the friendship that no one questioned. She knew everyone accepted the fact that Daniel was the colonel's friend and because of that he had been safe from people who would've otherwise been all too happy to make his life miserable simply because he was a civilian and they didn't feel he belonged on a frontline team. His place in Stargate Command had been earned and most people respected him, but there was still the occasional troublemaker who didn't care who he was or what he'd achieved. It was rare for anyone to cross that line with him because they knew it meant they'd have to deal with the colonel.

And what he'd just told her explained so much about his relationship with Daniel that she hadn't understood in the beginning. She'd read the mission reports from their first trip through the 'gate so she knew Daniel had saved his life, that his actions had given the team the opportunity they needed to make a stand against Ra. That first mission had provided them with a foundation that they'd continued to build upon after they were reunited. Their friendship was forged in fire and it was strong enough to withstand the disagreements, arguments and fights that cropped up between them once in a while.

She finished her dinner while he washed up a few dishes, giving him time to collect himself. She didn't know if he'd pick the conversation up from where he'd left it or if he'd simply close that door and move on to something else. Knowing him the way she did though, she had a feeling he'd change topics. Why not pursue the conversation? In reality, no, she'd never do such a thing, but this was all in her head.

He turned away from the sink after a few minutes, drying his hands on a dishtowel as he joined her once again. "When my granddad built this place the only source of heat was the fireplace," he said conversationally.

Sam pushed her empty bowl back and watched him, debating internally. Finally, she took a deep breath and shook her head. Maybe she had no control over what was going on in reality, but damn it, she had some control over what went on in her own head. Lifting her head she met his dark gaze and reached out to him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Part 14**

Jack glanced up when her hand came up and her palm rested against his cheek, her thumb providing just enough pressure to bring his gaze back to hers. It took him a minute to realize she was asking him something, and another minute to focus on the finger tapping against his cheek.

" _You take so much on yourself."_

He shrugged. "Easy to do when the fault rests on your shoulders." A quiet sigh escaped him as he dropped his gaze. "There's just no forgiveness for some things, Carter." Charlie was one subject he never talked about, a wound that was still raw no matter how much time passed.

" _You may never be able to forgive yourself for what happened to your son. I've never been in that situation so I can't really say if that's even possible. Maybe learning to live with that loss and allowing yourself to embrace life is the best you can do. I know you, Jack O'Neill, and I know you made a decision to live. Burying yourself with the crushing weight of guilt is no way to live."_ She didn't know the specifics of his son's death, but she couldn't imagine a man with his training just leaving a weapon lying around where anyone could easily access it, especially a child. She didn't pursue that subject though. It was something that would have to come from him if it ever went any further. She waited until she was sure she had his attention before she continued. _"You said you lost your brother in a training accident. There's no way you can say that was your fault."_

Relief washed through him when she didn't push the subject of his son. "He joined up because I kept talkin' about how great it was."

" _And that was his decision. You didn't push him into enlisting. He wanted to serve his country and get his education. A lot of people make that choice. Training accidents happen and I know how hard that can be to live with, but it wasn't your fault."_ She met his gaze directly, holding it as she continued. _"What happened to me isn't your fault either."_

"I'm the one that agreed to loan you out to SG-11. I could've said no. I had every right to turn down the request."

" _And General Hammond would've overridden you for that particular mission. Jack, we've all been loaned out to different teams at times. All of us. There are times we're needed by other teams for our individual areas of expertise. Was it your fault when Daniel was taken by Chaka on P3X-888? I mean, you are the one who signed off on the request to loan him out for that archeological dig."_

"A dig with the original SG-11," Jack growled under his breath.

" _Pay attention."_

He could practically hear the scolding tone in the rapid fire tapping. "For cryin' out loud, it's not the same thing!"

Sam couldn't stop the smile at his aggravated comment. _"Was it your fault?"_

"It's not the same thing and you know it."

" _You're not answering the question."_

"P5C-353… Remember that one?" He nodded when he saw recognition flare in her eyes. "Tell me you didn't feel guilty when I got skewered to the wall in the 'gate room. That wasn't your fault but you drove me nuts apologizing for weeks after that and once I finally got you to stop apologizing it still took months before you stopped lookin' so guilty."

" _You made the decision to take the orb back to Earth based on my recommendation."_

"Yeah, I took your recommendation into consideration but the call was mine to make. My point is…" he trailed off and shook his head. "I don't know what my point is." He frowned as he went back over their conversation. "Ah! Okay, Lieutenant Simmons was infected same as me, he just managed to avoid being stuck to the wall, and yeah, you were concerned about him but you weren't consumed by guilt. What happened may not have been your fault but it didn't stop you from feelin' guilty when I got hurt and…" She gave him that enigmatic smile and his mouth hung open as he tried to figure out how he'd managed to take his point in a damn circle and make her point for her. "Alright, maybe you bein' taken wasn't my fault, but I wish I'd been there when you came under fire. It might've made a difference."

She shook her head. If he'd been there and it hadn't made a difference it would've destroyed him.

"Wanna watch a movie?" He gave her a lopsided grin and shrugged when her eyebrows lifted in surprise at the abrupt change of topic. "You know me, can't be serious for too long."

" _You have movies here?"_

"Well, no, but Daniel grabbed a few he said you like and handed them off. Really, Carter, I had no idea you were a closet romantic." He snorted as he thought about several of the choices Daniel had collected. "You know, half of the movies he gave me have crappy endings. Doesn't it piss you off to invest a couple hours in a movie, things finally work out with the leading couple and bang, they kill one of 'em off?"

" _It's funny you know so much about them."_ She rolled her eyes at him.

"Hey, I hear stuff. I've even been known to read on occasion." He huffed when she just gave him that look that said she wasn't buying it. "Fine, I had Cassie give me a brief rundown since Daniel said you and Janet watched them with her. I know Doc, and she wouldn't have given an inch, just let me sit through them anticipating the end – with as much anticipation as a guy can have for movies like that," he added quickly, "and then laughed her ass off when I invariably started griping about them."

Her smile was compensation enough for the headache he'd have after sitting through any and all of the movies Daniel had so helpfully picked out.

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"If I didn't know better I'd think he somehow managed to confiscate the Touchstone from the Medronans and he was up there wreaking havoc with the weather."

Daniel raised his eyes from the notebook he was scribbling in to look at his wife over his glasses. "What?"

"Haven't you been listening to anything I've been saying for the past ten minutes?" she asked as she gestured to the television across the room.

He cleared his throat and shot a quick glance at the weatherman droning on about the weather somewhere other than Colorado Springs. He never really paid much attention to what the weather forecasters had to say because half the time they were wrong anyway. His brow pulled down into a frown when he realized she wasn't watching the local news, she had tuned in to the national weather channel. He listened for a few seconds, long enough to figure out the location being discussed at the moment.

"It's snowing in Minnesota?"

"Snowing?! Daniel, it's been snowing up there for the past four hours. It's a blizzard!"

"Okay." He shrugged one shoulder, not understanding why it was such a big deal. "Jack knows what to do in that type of situation. Knowing him, he's probably enjoying it."

"Enjoying it," she huffed. "He's supposed to be back here with Sam on Tuesday. She has rehab on Wednesday afternoon."

"It's only Sunday night." He reached for his coffee mug and took a drink, making a face when the lukewarm liquid hit his tongue. "He hasn't called to say they're not gonna be back on time so he must not think there'll be a problem with the return trip."

"I suppose," she admitted grudgingly.

He nudged her shoulder and sent a teasing grin in her direction. "Besides, he knows better than to risk your wrath by not coming home at the appointed time."

That thought both amused and placated her. She shuffled closer and settled in against his side when he lifted his arm invitingly. She glanced over at the folder opened on the cushion next to him, its contents strewn about on every available surface around him. "What're you working on?"

"Possibly nothing. A long shot."

Janet leaned over to pick up the wrinkled pamphlet lying haphazardly on a stack of papers. She studied the colorful pictures of a dig site. "It doesn't look like nothing to me." She thumped his thigh with the back of her hand. "Your area of expertise is Egypt. Why on earth would you be interested in a dig in Wyoming?"

He chuckled. "Well, it is about as far from Egypt as you can get." He clipped his pen to the cover of his notebook and set it aside. "The kids were asking about digs the other night and the idea came to me while I was explaining the process. Scott wanted to know what life was like on a dig, Gary was his usual skeptical self, certain there's nothing to be learned from uncovering the past, Kelly wasn't quite that vocal but I'm pretty sure she agreed with him, Randy seemed to think it can't be that much work since it's just digging in the dirt, Dana was curious about why anyone would want to spend that much time away from civilization, and Cassie rounded it out by saying it was too bad they couldn't experience an actual dig because then they could see what it's all about." Vince hadn't stayed long enough to get in on the conversation, excusing himself once they had finished their studies for the evening.

"And an idea was born."

"Egypt would be my first choice, but that'd not only require pulling a lot of strings, it would also require a lot of money."

"Um-hmm, and the kids have to earn their own way." She nodded. "I see the dilemma."

"The dig would actually tie-in with their studies next year and it'd be a great experience."

Janet nodded as she scanned over the information for the summer archeological dig. "Six weeks away from civilization," she mused. "No cell phones, no video games, no computers, no television, all while living in rustic conditions. Not to mention we're talking about a group of teenagers that are dating."

"That's not so unusual on a dig," he said absently as he made more notes before glancing at the folder on his lap. "Coed's pretty normal."

"Um-hmm, but I'm guessing you're not usually on a dig with hormonally-driven seventeen-year-olds."

Daniel snorted quietly and shook his head. "No, but with the amount of work they'll be doing they'll be too exhausted to think of anything beyond sleep at the end of the day."

"I love you, Daniel, but a coed group of seventeen-year-olds bunking together on a dig presents a potential disaster. And you'll be responsible for them."

"If this even becomes viable they'll be under constant supervision. Besides, the guys would be in one tent and the girls in another." He set the folder aside and raised his arms over his head to stretch just as the phone rang. He leaned over to snatch the handset off of the end table and after speaking with the caller held the phone out to his wife. "It's the mountain for you."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack stared at the white landscape that stretched out in every direction. Fourteen inches of snow in the last twelve hours and it was still coming down. His gaze wandered over his property, eyes resting on the lake that was covered in a sheet of ice. It was a deceptive illusion. The ice wasn't nearly as thick as it looked. It was a thin sheet, only appearing thicker than it actually was thanks to the coating of white powder that dusted over it, gathering in places where there were cracks in the ice. Any weight placed on the surface would immediately punch through it and end up in the frigid water below. He had known the national weather service had already reported the blizzard the night before in his neck of the woods. It had settled around five that morning and now it was just a plain old snowstorm.

He'd known Janet would be having a fit because he was well aware she'd be keeping an eye on the weather in Minnesota. Well, it's not like he could control the weather, right? He snorted softly and shook his head as he stretched and turned to go back inside. Give it a few more hours and it'd most likely beat itself out. He couldn't – and didn't – blame her for being concerned. They had nearly lost Carter and that wasn't something any of them took lightly. He'd contacted the SGC and had them relay a message to the good doctor, letting her know they were safe and anticipated being back in plenty of time for Sam's appointment on Wednesday.

He kicked the snow from the soles of his boots and toed them off by the back door before shedding his coat and hanging it up. They had lost power just before midnight but he'd gone out and fired up the generator so they had the essentials running and kept an eye on the fire so they wouldn't freeze to death. Sam had slept through the power going out and the generator kicking on and he hadn't seen any reason to disturb her sleep just to let her know they'd lost power.

She had made it through the first movie and about halfway through the second before she'd fallen asleep on his shoulder. He'd been more than happy to allow her to use him as a pillow and he hadn't cared in the least that his arm had been asleep for more than an hour when the power went out. After shaking the pins and needles from his arm he'd gone out to fire up the generator and then carried her back to his room and put her to bed. He'd stayed on the couch, dozing in between making sure the generator ran smoothly and the fire in the fireplace didn't go out.

He ran a hand through his hair, brushing the snowflakes out of it before going into the living area to put more wood on the fire. It was time to get breakfast started, he decided. It didn't matter that he wasn't on duty; early mornings were ingrained in him after so many years of being up before the sun. He'd been surprised to learn that Carter could, and happily would, sleep in on the oh-so-rare day off and away from the mountain – not that it happened very often. She tended to be a workaholic and even on downtime she stayed busy working on some project or other; projects that he'd been known to listen to her go on and on about just to listen to her talk, not so much because he was actually interested in all the scientific mumbo jumbo.

He went to work, scrambling up some eggs while keeping an eye on the bacon sizzling in the other pan. Once they were started he grabbed a tomato, washed it off and set about slicing it. When the bacon was done and the eggs were almost ready he pan-fried the toast since he was of the opinion that it tasted better than anything a toaster could ever produce. He heard the sound of crutches thumping against the floor in a familiar pattern and he turned just as Sam came into the room.

"Just in time," he teased as he grabbed a couple of plates.

Sam watched him as he filled the plates and the smell of the food made her stomach turn. She hobbled into the kitchen and settled into the closest chair anyway, needing to be close to him.

Jack turned around, the teasing words freezing on his tongue when he got a good look at Carter's face. He hurried to put the plate on the back of the stove and grabbed the lid off of one of the pans to cover it. It wasn't just the ill tint to her skin that worried him; it was the panicked look on her features and in the taut lines of her body. He crossed the room and crouched down in front of her, giving her a few seconds to adjust to his nearness before he reached out to cradle her cheek.

"Hey, you with me?"

Sam swallowed with difficulty and just looked at him, wishing fervently that she was. She had always imagined herself stronger than this. Her time with SG-1 had put her through the wringer too many times to count. She had been captured and tortured on more than one occasion and she had always survived. No matter what had happened she had found a way to deal with it and soldier on. Up until now the worst experience was by far the entire mission to Netu.

Her experiences with the memory device that had allowed her to recall Jolinar's memories had been bad, but this was so much worse. Her imprisonment and subsequent torture by aliens she had no name for had eventually sent her retreating into her own head. Hours had turned into days, days had turned into weeks and weeks had turned into months. She had lost track of time. She had no idea how long she had been a prisoner. But eventually she had sought refuge in a place that had seemed safe as a means of safeguarding her sanity. Retreating deep inside of her mind had been working.

Until she had awakened soaked in sweat, the memories of the aliens coming for her and another torture session leaving her bleeding and broken, and she'd realized she could no longer tell which world was real. She could feel the wounds inflicted by the sadistic aliens, could feel the overwhelming fear that she would never be found, never go home again, and the underlying and terrifying knowledge that even if she did, she would never be the same. But she could also feel a sense of safety that was so at odds with the other emotions and she didn't know what to believe.

She knew why she had latched onto Jack as a means of protecting her sanity. There had been something between them from day one and over time it had grown into something she hadn't imagined possible at first. Oh, she'd found him attractive from the very beginning, there was no doubt about that. But she had also thought him condescending and arrogant at the time, certain that he had an issue with her assignment to his team because she was a woman. It hadn't taken long for her to learn that it had nothing to do with gender and everything to do with her being a scientist.

"Carter?" Jack frowned when she stared right through him for several minutes. "Sam?" The feeling that he was losing her hit him with the force of a freight train and he fell back on habit when he sharply barked out, "Major Carter!"

Sam blinked, her gaze focusing on him once more. Her eyes mapped his features but after a while she looked away, scanning the room before sighing and shaking her head.

"Hey, look at me." He tipped her chin up and studied her, not liking the look of resignation he could see in her eyes. "Tell me what's bothering you."

"Carter." He waited a moment, scrambling to make sense of her behavior this morning. Just last night she had seemed to be doing so good and now somehow they had taken several steps back. It was just a setback, he assured himself. That wasn't necessarily so unexpected. He'd been there before, he knew how this worked. But it was a setback he hadn't been prepared for. He mused over the situation, coming up with options to combat it and discarding most of them.

He reached behind him blindly, grabbing a chair and pulling it closer. Time in the sarcophagus may have healed his knees but kneeling on the cold hard floor wasn't an experience they were appreciating at the moment. "Did you have a nightmare?"

That brought her gaze back to him momentarily.

 _Bingo!_ "Okay, I'm gonna take that as a yes. Tell me what it was about." She didn't respond, just continued to stare at the floor. He reached out once more, lifting her chin until she raised her reluctant eyes to his. "Sam, tell me what happened in the nightmare."

Panic flared to life in the depths of her blue eyes and he could see her heart rate increasing as her carotid began to jump rapidly beneath the skin. He wasn't sure how hard he should push about her time as a prisoner. He could easily recall the anger that had raged through him when people had asked him about his own captivity, pushing him for answers and explanations, especially when he had first come home and the memories and pain were so fresh and raw.

Sam watched him, wanting so badly to believe that this, being with Jack in his cabin somewhere in Minnesota, was reality. She'd waited so long for rescue to come, for _him_ to come and find her, and when it hadn't happened she'd gone into survival mode to protect what was left of her.

Jack rested an elbow on the table, his hand dangling in the air between them as he fought to be patient. She had to be led out of that dark place, but the choice to take that first step had to be hers. "Do you remember the nightmare?"

He caught movement from the corner of his eye and he knew her fingers were twitching. She was struggling to come to a decision. Rather than speak again he simply turned his hand over and continued to wait. When she finally moved, reaching out to him, the motion was stilted.

" _I don't know."_ Her eyes betrayed her inner turmoil as she finally admitted the truth that had been dogging her for longer than she cared to remember… longer than she _could_ remember.

"You don't know," he mused quietly. He considered her words and it only took a moment for them to sink in. "You don't know which nightmare is real."

She looked at him and surprise flashed across her features.

"After Iraq I had trouble distinguishing where I was for a while. Between the drugs and the torture I was out of it. Everything was upside down and inside out. I had hallucinations and nightmares and I couldn't tell what was real. I'd think I was home and life was regaining some sense of normalcy and then outta nowhere the bastards would show up and the torture would start all over again. After a while remembering my family and being home became part of the nightmare."

Sam watched him, drinking in every word and clinging to it like a lifeline.

"Even after I came home it took time before I could tell the difference." He tapped his temple. "It was all mixed up and I felt like I was losing my mind. I'd be surrounded by people I knew couldn't possibly be in that filthy hole I was kept in over there, but all I could see was that prison cell. Familiar faces, the scent of favorite foods, the feel of clean cool water, the touch of someone I loved, it was all tainted by memories I couldn't get away from." He leaned forward, his eyes intense. "You've gotta fight for it, Sam, you hear me? You've gotta hold on to the belief that this's real."

She wanted to believe him, desperately, but how could she? Her hand trembled as she began to speak to him, making it difficult for him to make out what she was saying and several times she had to stop to repeat herself.

" _It can't be real."_

"Why? Because we're here?"

" _Because we're here, because you've been by my side for however long this has been going on, because in reality you'd never be away from the team for so long, because this,"_ she gestured to the room around them, indicating their seclusion from the world, _"would be cause for court-martial and you'd never put either of us in that position."_

"No, you're right about that, I wouldn't. And as your commanding officer I'd never bring you to a secluded cabin when it was just the two of us even for something as innocent as helping you to recover from a mission gone sideways."

" _Then you admit this isn't real?"_

He shook his head and chuckled. "I said 'as your commanding officer,' Sam. I handed in my resignation the day we brought you home. I typed it up one month to the day after you went missing and General Hammond declared you MIA. He knew about it because I went to him and told him that the day you came home I'd be turning it in. There was a counteroffer made, the option to head up off-world training, and I might just consider taking him up on that."

Her eyes widened and she shook her head. _"That's not what you want."_

"We agreed to leave it in the room because we had a duty to see the mission through, we agreed to leave it in the room because if it got out that there had been an admission of feelings that are unprofessional between us it would've destroyed your career, and we agreed to leave it in that damn room because we were both willing to sacrifice what we might have for something that in all likelihood will one day get one, if not both of us, killed."

She bit her lip as she listened to him. It would be so easy to believe him because it's what she wanted, but she was so tired of the constant battle she kept fighting to hold onto her sanity. _"And now that's changed?"_

"What if I told you that Daniel's also retired from active duty? He can be home with his family every night. He'll go off-world when needed but he's essentially a desk jockey now. He can sit in his office and breathe in all that dust from the hundreds of books and scrolls stacked up all over the place and cough up a lung and he'll be perfectly happy. You know why? Because he's first and foremost a geek. He'll be able to provide an invaluable service from the safety of the mountain. Okay, relative safety because we all know the mountain isn't an automatic guarantee that nothing bad's gonna happen." He shrugged. "My point is his contribution will be just as important no matter where he's working from."

There was no doubt in her mind that Daniel's contributions would save lives regardless of where he was working. She had been there for his transformation over the years, had witnessed the change from the quiet – albeit passionate man who had wanted to solve problems with words rather than weapons, to a man capable of wielding a P-90 when necessary. She'd also watched him and observed the changes as his relationship with Janet grew and flourished and she'd often wondered if he would want to remain on the frontlines for much longer.

" _And Teal'c?"_

"The general gave him the option of joining another team, but there's a very good chance he'll return to Chulak."

That made sense. Teal'c was a warrior and freeing his people from their false gods was a priority for him. She wasn't sure he'd stay around for long under the leadership of another team commander. He trusted Jack and while he had sworn his loyalty to Earth, she couldn't see him accepting a position off of SG-1. _"What about my dad?"_

"The Tok'ra have been incommunicado. We put the word out that you were missing and we've attempted to make contact but nothing so far. There hasn't been any indication that anything's happened to them and it could just be that they're on the move again. They'll make contact when they can. You know your dad, Sam, and if he knew you'd gone missing or that you'd been found he'd be here. Nothin' would get in the way of that."

She swallowed hard and nodded. What he was saying was true. Things with her dad had been so strained before he'd been given the opportunity to join the Tok'ra. Blending with Selmak had mellowed him in some ways. He was still as sharp as ever, still every bit the curt military man he'd been for as long as she could remember, as strong as an ox again thanks to Selmak, but he had become more approachable, and their relationship was better than it had been in years.

"We've paid our dues and we've given this country everything we've got to give. Yeah, we've been on the frontlines of the battle with the Goa'uld and we've got a hell of a success record but it's only a matter of time before one or more of us become a casualty in this war. At some point we're gonna come up against some Goa'uld or some other enemy and our luck's gonna run out. I've always been prepared to die for my country, hell, for the entire planet the past few years, if it came down to it, but now I want more than that."

Wide-eyed, she stared at him and motioned between them.

"Yeah, if you wanna give it a shot. I know we've never actually talked about it. We've been faithful to the regs, faithful to the uniform, faithful to the mission. Hell, we've been faithful to everything but ourselves and once you lose sight of that it's only a matter of time before the fight becomes meaningless."

" _You'd willingly give up being on the frontline?"_

"Yeah, I would. I did. We both know they'll call me back to active duty if they ever deem it necessary. If you say yes, you wanna give it a shot, and you're able to return to field duty and you want to get back out there, we'd never be able to serve on the same team again. We've managed this long because we've never crossed the line but if we do there's no goin' back. I understand the reasoning behind the regs and I do agree with them when it comes to couples on the same team. It screws with a person's ability to think rationally. If it didn't I'd question the depth of the relationship. It makes sense that your first thought's gonna automatically be for that other person." He shrugged. "Me an' you, we've been able to do what had to be done, but I'll be honest with you, Carter. If it'd been you on Klorel's ship," he swallowed hard and shook his head, "I wouldn't have been able to leave you."

" _You're gambling your career on a question you don't know the answer to."_

He studied her for a moment, seeing a level of clarity in her eyes that hadn't been there earlier. He could see her piecing things together, making sense of the puzzle one sentence at a time. "No, I'm not. I mean, you're right, I don't know the answer to the question yet, but regardless of the answer, I don't see it as a loss. I retired before, remember? Before you went missing I always figured you'd let me know if and when we should go for it. Yeah, I know, we're in the middle of a war, and we were putting duty first. But when SG-11 came back without you I had one of those two-by-four-to-the-forehead moments. It's no secret that we don't have a guarantee of tomorrow, but we've put what could be something pretty great on the back burner because we were needed out there. Fine, we're all necessary in some way, shape or form to the war against the Goa'uld, but that doesn't mean we have to be on the frontlines to make a difference. Having teams that know how to defend themselves and this planet when they step through the 'gate is pretty damn important too. That's somethin' I can do. I know what it takes and I'm qualified to determine if they're ready or ever will be ready to tackle what's waitin' for them out there."

Sam squeezed his hand to get his attention. _"Two-by-four-to-the-forehead moment?"_

"Oh, right, that. Yeah, I realized we had a couple of choices facing us when you got back because this talk had to happen one way or the other. And no, you not comin' back wasn't an option. We could go back to the way things were, shove all the personal stuff in a box and hope that one day we'd be able to do somethin' about it, or we could take a shot at it. While I was thinking about that it hit me that if we keep on the way we have been that there's a very good chance that we're either gonna miss our opportunity because one or both of us gets killed out there, or we're gonna miss it because you can only keep a fire contained for so long before it burns out. And you know what? Neither of those options did a damn thing for me. So I went and talked to Hammond. I was upfront with him and I told him as soon as you came home I was out."

" _And what happens if I completely heal and choose to go back out there? Could you stay on Earth while I'm out there fighting the enemy?"_ She could feel the tension in him but she waited patiently for his answer.

"Leave it to you to come up with that question," he grumbled. He considered her question for a few minutes. He'd asked himself the very same thing. There was no indication that she wouldn't eventually make a full recovery and be cleared for active duty on the frontline again, at least from a physical aspect. He knew in spite of what she'd been through there was a possibility that she'd want to continue going through the 'gate. "Look, it wouldn't be easy and I don't pretend it would be. We've had each other's backs since the beginning and it'd be harder than hell letting you go and knowin' what you'd be facing, and that I'm not there to watch your back, but I wouldn't hold you back either."

" _Would you regret retiring if things between us never went any further than where they are now?"_

"No." He didn't have to think about his answer. "No, I wouldn't because first and foremost, my objective is to help you get better. Whatever happens after that is up for grabs. I know where I want things to go, but my priority here is you. Recovery from captivity and torture takes time and right now that's our goal, to get you to a point where you can deal with it and put it away. It's gonna be hard, but we're gonna get through this." He leaned forward and took her hands in his. "Time is one thing we've got on our side right now and we're gonna take whatever time we need to get you back on your feet, physically, mentally and emotionally."

" _You'll be here the whole time?"_

"Wild horses, Carter, wild horses." He chuckled and shook his head. "I'm in this for the long haul."

" _I'd be disappointed if you retired and we never let it out of the room,"_ she admitted after a few minutes.

Jack grinned. "Well, I won't lie, I'd be disappointed too." He sobered as he squeezed her hands. "But don't think for a minute that I'd ever regret it. You're that important to me, Samantha Carter. Always have been, always will be." He leaned in closer and met her gaze directly. "Always."

And suddenly she realized that this was real, that he was real, that by some miracle she had been found and brought home. Her vision blurred as tears filled her eyes and she nodded as she freed her hand and her finger began to tap out a promise: _"Always."_


	15. Chapter 15

**Part 15**

 _The sound of webbed feet dragging and slapping against the damp concrete brought Sam out of a light doze. They were coming back for her and nothing she did would stop them. It didn't stop her from fighting but the longer she was held captive, the more torture she endured, the weaker she became and the harder it was to fight back._

 _For a while she had kept track of the days by making marks on the wall, but after a fever had left her delirious for an unspecified amount of time she'd lost count. She no longer knew what day it was or how long she'd been a prisoner. She only knew that she had to hold on. Rescue would come, it had to. They didn't leave their people behind. But, the rational side of her brain insisted on adding, General Hammond could only justify dedicating SG teams on search and rescue missions for so long before he was ordered to list a missing member as MIA and resume normal operations._

 _Had she already passed that point? Were they still actively looking for her? What had her brother been told? Did Dad know she was missing? What was her team doing without her? Had she been replaced? It was her job to handle the tech end of things, to get them out of the scrapes they had a bad habit of getting into. Without her there they would eventually be forced to find a replacement, even a temporary one._

 _She couldn't fault General Hammond for making that call, and she knew he would in time. SG-1 had a pretty impressive record for finding trouble and when those problems fell into her area of expertise there wasn't much the guys could do. Just like there wasn't much she could do when there was a problem with a translation and she had to fall back on securing the area while Daniel worked the issue out._

 _The catch on the door released and she forced herself to remain frozen to the spot when the cell door opened. She wouldn't give them the satisfaction of seeing a physical manifestation of the fear that had her heart pounding in her chest. She had to remind herself to breathe when one of the aliens came through the door. Everything about them was identical but over time she had started to notice small things that allowed her to tell them apart._

 _It was always the same two aliens that came for her, but never together. This one was the rougher of the two. The other one seemed curious but that didn't stop it from taking her back to the room where the others conducted their torturous experiments. She refused to get to her feet when the alien motioned for her to come to the door. It would piss him, it, off but she didn't care. She wouldn't give them the satisfaction of willingly going with them to be tortured._

 _She had named this one Igor. Jack would've called it Mr. Burns. Well, she thought, he could call it any-damn-thing he wanted when he stormed the compound and blew them all to hell. Until then it was going to be called Igor. It came into the cell and she had the feeling it wanted her to put up a fight. No point disappointing it at this stage. She glanced at the door but before she had enough time to consider her chances of making it past Igor and out of the cell, its wings spread with a loud snapping sound, effectively blocking her path._

 _One of its hands lifted to show the cattle prod it favored and she stared at it with trepidation. She knew the pain it was capable of delivering and Igor seemed to enjoy using it for minutes at a time rather than the few seconds necessary to bring a prisoner under control. It advanced on her slowly and even though she had nowhere to go she held her ground. The pain, when it came, was excruciating. She literally felt like she was being burned from the inside out._

 _Igor didn't even give her time to stop writhing from the pain before reaching down and grabbing her by the arm, lifting her up and dragging her out of the cell. She fought against the tight grip, bringing her right hand up and slamming her fist into its throat. There was no time to revel in striking her captor because the hand holding her tightened its grip and she heard the bones in her arm snap a millisecond before the pain registered in her brain._

 _She wished she could pass out but previous experience warned her that wasn't a reprieve she would be granted. The aliens had some sort of serum they administered to prevent their test subjects from falling unconscious. She had no idea what it was, no way of knowing if there would be side effects from being injected with it over and over. It was just too bad there was nothing in it to numb the pain that accompanied these sessions._

 _Between feeling like her insides were on fire and the agony shooting through her arm she was fighting nausea that was only going to make her feel even worse if her body gave in to it. Igor paused to look down at the limb it held and after a moment of contemplation gave it an experimental twist. Between the agonizing pain and seeing the way her arm turned unnaturally her stomach turned sickeningly._

 _The alien's head tilted to one side, its expression suggesting that it was intrigued by this new discovery. Dread settled deep in her gut when its claws suddenly extended. There was no way to adequately describe the raw, unrelenting pain as it sliced through flesh, muscle and sinew to expose the broken bones. She wanted to scream, could feel it building in her throat, and it took everything she had to hold it in._

 _The pain worsened when Igor reached out and pressed against the exposed bone. Thankfully, its claws had retracted; otherwise the damage it had already inflicted would be worse. The severed nerve endings screamed in agony, the pain worsening to a level that was so intolerable she could no longer hold back the urge to cry out at the abuse._

 _Igor flinched at the sound and jerked back, obviously agitated by the auditory assault. He reacted swiftly and pressed the cattle prod into her abdomen, ruthlessly turning up the voltage until she was writhing on the floor with no reprieve in sight. She didn't know how much the human body could endure and survive, but she felt certain that her captivity and subsequent torture had pushed the boundaries well beyond what could be expected of anyone._

 _She fought to find the safe place she'd created in her mind, needing the escape desperately. She knew the wounds would be healed in time, they always were, but the pain always returned, and she was slowly losing her mind. If she could just lose herself until the creatures decided she'd had enough and put her back together again, maybe she could hold on a little longer. Rescue had to come. It had to._

" _Sam?"_

 _He was here. Somehow she found the strength to move and her head whipped around, searching for the source of his voice, but he was nowhere to be seen. His voice rose as he called again and this time the sound began to echo off of the walls, making it impossible to determine a direction. She looked at Igor but it was so intent on making sure she suffered that it showed no sign of having heard Jack's calls for her._

 _His voice began to fade into the distance and she began to fight against Igor. Adrenaline could only push a body so far and she had to do something to let him know where she was before it was gone. But her captor wouldn't release her and she could feel the weakness overcoming her and turning her muscles to useless tissue._

" _Carter!"_

 _She started when hands suddenly wrapped around her upper arms. Her captors had hands that resembled those of humans, but they felt nothing like human flesh. They were eerily devoid of warmth and the texture of their skin was clammy. These hands were warm and calloused, they were familiar, and they didn't belong in this place._

" _Carter!"_

Sam's eyes snapped open and she immediately found herself pinned by the concerned gaze of one Jack O'Neill.

"Hey, you okay?" He wasn't buying it when she started nodding before he'd even finished asking the question. He knew better. The way her heart was racing she would've set off every alarm in Janet's infirmary. He needed to get her mind away from the nightmare so she could calm down. He glanced down when her right hand clamped down on his tightly in an attempt to ground herself in the present.

She brought her left arm in close to her body, the move protective, and he figured the motion was probably linked to the nightmare. That arm had sustained more damage than its counterpart and while the injuries had healed, there was still a pronounced weakness in the limb. He knew time and physical therapy would eventually bring her back to full strength. It was the mental and emotional scars that were the hardest and took the longest to heal.

"You feel like getting outta the cabin for a bit?"

" _Outside?"_

Sam Carter had been a workaholic the entire time he'd known her. She could go for days on end working on base. She had gotten out a little more after Cassie had come into their lives, but she still worked too much and didn't get out often enough as far as he was concerned. She got more sun off world than she did on Earth and he knew her idea of a good time was working out some scientific puzzle or tinkering with her motorcycle, which she also had a habit of doing on base, but he'd worried that she was going to burn out at the rate she was going.

He'd always enjoyed being outdoors but after his captivity he'd had a new appreciation for Mother Nature. It had taken time before he could spend any significant time in direct sunlight, but being outside and away from anything that resembled walls had come to symbolize freedom. He recognized that need in Sam and while he knew time outdoors had to be limited because of the weather, he also knew how to balance things to make it work.

"Yeah, why not? We'll bundle up good, make sure we don't stay out long enough for you to get sick, and as long as you don't end up back in the infirmary, we'll both be safe."

That got a small smile out of her and he nodded in satisfaction. "Alright," he squeezed her hand before releasing her and getting to his feet, "power came back on a couple hours ago so I'm gonna get dinner started and when you're ready we'll go out and get some fresh air." He paused in the doorway and rapped his knuckles on the wood frame after a moment. "And Sam, if you ever decide you wanna talk about the nightmares, or what happened, I'm here, okay?"

She gave him a nod as she let her gaze wander around the room, trying to remember how she got there. She remembered the conversation in the kitchen with Jack and later sitting in the living area with him, but after that… nothing.

"You dozed off after lunch and I thought you'd be more comfortable in here than out there on that lumpy couch." He shrugged one shoulder. "It's okay for a while but sleep on it too long and your back isn't likely to forgive you. Mine never does."

Sam looked at the calendar next to the bed before glancing at the clock, trying to make sure she hadn't lost a day. Her mental processes were slow and that frustrated her even more than her current physical limitations.

Jack watched her reach out to trace a fingertip over the black x that crossed Sunday off. He was sure she was trying to determine the date, trying to make sure she hadn't lost any time, and as much as he wanted to reassure her, he wanted to give her time to sort it out for herself. It wasn't easy to stand back and wait even though he knew it was necessary.

They'd had a major breakthrough that morning and while he knew setbacks were a part of the program, he hoped like hell she didn't have one that upended all of the progress they'd made. He released a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding when she tapped the date before looking at him for confirmation.

"Still Monday," he said with a nod. He waited until she seemed accepting of his response before he left the room to get dinner started.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The rush of cold air was welcome as Sam stepped out onto the back deck, her movements awkward as she maneuvered around on the crutches. The deck had recently been cleared of the snow that had fallen earlier and she wondered when he'd done it. She wondered _why_ he'd done it and immediately gave herself a mental kick for questioning his motives because she knew he only had her best interest at heart.

She hated that she had these moments where she questioned things she knew. She hadn't been able to reconnect with anyone since her rescue, constantly questioning what they wanted from her. Rationally she knew part of that was because she had become so accustomed to believing that everything and everyone she saw was part of a world that only existed in her mind, that they were being used against her. She wouldn't allow captivity to take anything else from her. It had already taken so much.

"The Orionid meteor shower was supposed be visible after midnight but I don't think it's gonna be a good night for viewing the light show. Too much cloud cover, but who knows, it could clear up before then." Jack leaned against one of the support posts and stared out at the snow-covered lake, giving Sam her space while keeping an eye on her.

Sam reached the end of the deck and let the crutches take the majority of her weight while she let the serenity of the scene fill her senses. It was cold but there wasn't much wind at the moment so it wasn't bone-chilling, it simply felt like freedom. She knew her time here was running out and she was terrified of waking up and finding out this was all a dream.

Her eyes traveled over the silent landscape, taking in the trees, their naked limbs heavy with snow. It was funny, she mused absently as memories of childhood surfaced. She could recall being scared of the trees outside her bedroom window when she was a little girl. There had been a couple of years when the branches, barren of their leaves in the winter, had seemed like monsters, casting menacing shadows across her bedroom walls at night. But that had always changed when the snow finally came, coating their branches and lending them a softness that hadn't existed since their leaves had fallen for the season.

Mesmerized by the snow she pulled one of her gloves off, needing to touch it. She reached out and gently combed her fingers through the snow covering the railing in front of her, enjoying the sensation of its cold, soft texture. The feeling helped to ground her, reminding her that this was real, it had to be real. Before falling asleep earlier she had been so certain that rescue had finally come, that she had been taken from that place, but after the memories of her captivity had infiltrated her mind while it rested she was finding herself torn as to which of those worlds was real.

It was the danger of retreating so far into ones' mind under extreme circumstances. Reality was sometimes hard to adjust to, if not downright impossible. There were moments when she felt she was completely lucid, when she was certain that she knew which of these opposing realities was real. But there were other moments when uncertainty slammed into her, making her doubt everything she could see and feel. The pain had been a constant for so long that its absence made it difficult to focus at times, as if being without it somehow increased the doubts that plagued her.

It made her angry. It scared her. She didn't want those doubts and fears to have such power over her. She didn't want to trade one prison for another of her own making. She shifted her weight slowly, careful of her knee, and let her gaze move to the man standing less than a dozen feet from her. Even though his eyes were locked on a point in the distance she knew from the slight change in his posture that he was aware of every move she made.

She had been gone for four and a half months, that's what he had told her, wasn't it? And after so much pain and suffering, she had come home to the promise of everything she had ever wanted. That in itself didn't seem real. It wasn't that she never got anything she wanted, but Jack O'Neill had always been an unattainable goal. He was her commanding officer, her team leader, and there was a war being waged that was bigger than them or their desires.

Then there was that pesky little fact that they had never actually talked about the thing between them. It had been there from the start, growing more with each mission and gaining strength as they had gotten to know each other, learning to respect each other outside of their ranks. Over time it had become something more, something they could never speak of, and being forced to acknowledge it aloud during the Zatarc testing had been difficult because it was something they carried close to their hearts. It had never been verbalized between them but they knew it existed and they knew they could never act on it as long as they remained in the Air Force.

He wasn't in the Air Force any longer though, was he? No matter what he said he was making a huge gamble by choosing her over his career. This last mission had taken something from her, something she didn't know if she'd ever be able to get back. Imprisonment and torture had taken its toll on her and she had no idea who she was any longer. What if she was never able to find the woman she used to be? He deserved to be with someone who was whole.

She sighed as she dropped her gaze to the ground. Right now she was far from being whole. Hell, she wasn't even altogether certain that this was real. She wanted it to be real, but what if it wasn't? How much more could she take? But what if it was real? What if she really was back on Earth, standing on the back deck of Jack's cabin? Could she really expect him to stick around while she healed when she had no idea who she'd be by the time she had recovered? Was it fair to him?

"You're thinkin' too hard over there, Sam."

 _Sam._ How many times had he actually called her by her first name over the years? She could probably count those occasions on one hand. Throughout her captivity she had lost sight of him as her commanding officer, eradicating that barrier and focusing on him as a man. There had been no thoughts of rank or regs as she grasped onto her lifeline. He had simply been Jack, not Colonel O'Neill.

"I'd offer a penny for your thoughts but somehow I have a feelin' that'd nowhere near cover whatever's got you thinkin' so hard."

Her fingers twitched and she looked down when the snow under her hand shifted in response to the movement. It was soft and cold. Nothing about her prison had been soft or cold. She lifted her gaze to the sky above, catching the silvery outlines of the clouds as they passed the crescent moon that seemed so far away.

This was real. It had to be real. Her fingers clenched in the snow again and she held it fisted in her hand long enough that her palm started to burn from the cold. She looked at Jack again, taking in his deceptively relaxed stance as he stared out into the night.

The wind blew and the icy blast cut through her, causing her to shiver involuntarily. She shook her head when he straightened up, certain he was going to tell her it was time to go back inside. It was a biting cold that surrounded them and she knew Janet would have a fit if she knew about their little foray outdoors, but she felt alive and she wanted to hold onto that feeling.

Jack's eyes moved over her, assessing her condition. He knew there would be hell to pay if Janet ever found out about this, but it just seemed like Sam needed it, and it wasn't like he was going to be spilling their little secret to the good doctor. He could see the internal battle being waged as she struggled with finding the fine line between realities – captivity and freedom. To anyone who hadn't been there it wouldn't seem like such a battle, but the truth was that it was much harder to differentiate between the two after being imprisoned and tortured.

He moved closer to her, reaching out to cover her hand and encouraging her to release her grip on the snow. "Freezing your hand's only gonna give the doc proof that we didn't strictly follow her orders."

Sam's gaze moved between him and her fisted hand several times before she relaxed her fingers and allowed the clump of snow to fall to the ground. Her palm burned but she welcomed the sensation because it felt real. She stared at his upturned hand when he offered it to her and after a minute of contemplating his action she began to tap out her thoughts against his palm.

" _I don't know what's real and what isn't."_

"This is real but nothin' I do or say will prove it. You're gonna have to decide which reality to hold onto.

" _One minute I'm sure this is real and the next I'm back in that cell."_

"That's normal and it's gonna take time before you can push that fear down and fully accept the reality of the situation."

" _I feel like I'm going crazy."_

"You're not." The wind gusted, generating another shiver from her body. "And I know you're enjoying bein' outdoors but we'd better get back inside where it's warm." His hand tightened around hers when she started to pull it back. "Sam, you're gonna get past this and life will eventually fall back into a normal rhythm. We're all here to help you get back on track."

" _We won't be here much longer, will we?"_

"No, we'll be leaving tomorrow around noon. When we get back to Colorado Springs we'll stop somewhere for dinner and then head to the mountain. You'll wanna get some rest before your P.T. appointment on Wednesday afternoon." Janet had decided it was time to release Sam, but he hadn't said anything yet, wanting to make sure everything checked out with the MRI and then putting it off until after their little trip up north before he took her home.

" _I don't want to go back."_

"You miss your P.T. appointment and ol' Doc Fraiser's gonna pop a blood vessel." Not to mention what she'd do to him. "Hey, it's gonna suck for a while, therapy always does. It's gonna hurt, it's gonna wear you out and you'll wanna quit from time to time, but you won't be alone."

She shook her head and sighed inaudibly, her frustration building to unbearable levels. He didn't understand. She was tired of the constant tug-o-war being fought as her mind was pulled back and forth between the two realities. She was exhausted by the unrelenting question of which reality was real. She was terrified of losing her sanity from being torn from one reality to the other, uncertain which one was driving her mad.

" _I don't want to go back."_

She knew they couldn't stay indefinitely. How was he supposed to… He studied her for a moment, taking in the dejected set to her shoulders, evident even beneath the heavy parka she was wearing. Idiot! She wasn't talking about going back to Colorado. "Sam, look at me." He waited until he was sure he had her attention before he spoke again. "Nightmares are a bitch and they'll drag you back into hell over and over again, but I'll be here to bring you back." He squeezed her hand. "You're never gonna go back there. You're home now. I know what a traumatized mind can do to you. Been there, done that, turned down the tee shirt. It's gonna take time for the nightmares to taper off, but I promise you, it will get to that point."

She wanted to believe him. She wanted so badly to believe him.

Jack tugged on her hands to draw her gaze back to him. "You're a soldier, Carter, and I've never once seen you shy away from anything because it was too hard."

This was real and she wasn't alone. She looked down at their clasped hands and felt hope reignite within her. She could do this.

He couldn't stop the grin when she straightened slowly in deference to her injuries. It was a telling move. "C'mon, let's get back inside. Dinner's waitin' and we've got at least one more movie to watch."

Sam made her way inside, feeling certain that she was finally going in the right direction. She just had to stay focused on moving forward and take the rest as it came. Jack was right. It was going to take time and she was going to have to be patient. Taking one step at a time, that's all she had to concentrate on. There was no way to rush through rehab or recovery without relapsing and the last thing she wanted was to drag things out on either of those fronts.


End file.
